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Very Hot Topic (More than 25 Replies) FDK About Face (Read 16794 times)
Neesierie
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FDK About Face
Jul 21st, 2010 at 12:02pm
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Okay.  The sequel is off the ground.  We're in for some fun now!  Cool
  
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Matt
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Re: FDK About Face
Reply #1 - Jul 21st, 2010 at 12:29pm
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Nice start Denise, not at all what I expected! Smiley

Looking forward to more. Wink
  

What do you mean, we're out of coffee!
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Lightcudder
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Re: FDK About Face
Reply #2 - Jul 21st, 2010 at 12:43pm
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Oh what bliss to get to my second job, have nothing to do and find that About Face is up!

I've read it through, very quickly and I'm going to go back and re-read at leisure!


Peace and Persistence.. theme for the story?

Hmm. peace at last in Face Off.... persistence in this one?

  

I need some air.
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Neesierie
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Re: FDK About Face
Reply #3 - Jul 21st, 2010 at 1:46pm
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Naturally.  Cool  (And he's going to need it!)  Wink
  
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Neesierie
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Re: FDK About Face
Reply #4 - Jul 21st, 2010 at 7:59pm
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Okay.  I just reposted it, since I altered a few lines.  And added the rest of the chapter.  So.  Feedback please!  Grin
  
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Re: FDK About Face
Reply #5 - Jul 21st, 2010 at 8:25pm
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Love the addition. Antoine! such a character!

one 'quibble' .. though not really..when Ed is asked what he thinks of the light picture he replies 'its beautiful' but he is looking at Cait. maybe he should say 'Beautiful'.... a bit ambiguous ..her and the picture?

really nice chapter.. loads of little details.'Contemplation'....  lovely title and very evocative. The whole Ed/Cait scene is very natural.

I'm tired. Angry

  need to review this properly tomorrrow at work! Huh

   But loving it. Wink
  

I need some air.
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Neesierie
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Re: FDK About Face
Reply #6 - Jul 21st, 2010 at 8:41pm
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Yes.  It's supposed to seem ambiguous.  I didn't want to just say 'Beautiful' because that sounds smaltzy.  So he says 'It's beautiful,' meaning the painting and her.  But it sounds innocuous, which is why she doesn't understand why she blushes.  Follow?  Roll Eyes

I'm glad you like Antoine!  This story needs him!  Cheesy
  
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Re: FDK About Face
Reply #7 - Jul 21st, 2010 at 8:49pm
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Ah. Sorry.. Good thought. Me.. being a bit too obvious.. or too tired!

Antoine....?   Hmmm. can't wait! Grin

This is SO lovely. but I bet there are dark parts to come.  Sad   

 
It had better end happily though... or I might not let Ed rescue Denise from the aliens!  Grin

Just so glad you decided to do a sequel
  

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Matt
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Re: FDK About Face
Reply #8 - Jul 21st, 2010 at 10:14pm
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You wouldn't do that to her would you Louise???? Shocked Shocked Shocked

Besides, I want to meet the baby! Smiley
  

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Neesierie
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Re: FDK About Face
Reply #9 - Jul 21st, 2010 at 11:49pm
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Don't worry, Matt.  Louise likes to threaten, but she won't really do it.  She knows I write romances.  They always end happy!  Wink
  
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Re: FDK About Face
Reply #10 - Jul 22nd, 2010 at 6:54am
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End happily????

End happily?

What about Kid Stuff?

What about...oh heck.. I've forgotten the name...George....you know which I mean!!

Actually Denise, yes, your romances do end happily.. I'm looking forward to more of this one Smiley

Oh, Matt... Baby?...you don't get to meet it. Wink
  

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Neesierie
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Re: FDK About Face
Reply #11 - Jul 22nd, 2010 at 10:58am
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Beyond Repair ended happily.  He was back on his feet, wasn't he?  He was back at work, wasn't he?  George was gettting married, wasn't he?  What's not happy about that?

And Kid Stuff ended happily too.  He didn't stay dead, did he?  He was still working for Earth, wasn't he?  Things were looking up, weren't they?  That's happy.  What more do you want?

Sheesh.  :Smiley

What?  So he didn't end up back at his desk in HQ in those.  May I remind you that he didn't end up there in the Devilsgate Saga either.  But I didn't hear any complaints about that!   Kiss
  
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Matt
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Re: FDK About Face
Reply #12 - Jul 22nd, 2010 at 12:54pm
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Louise,

Rats. >Sad Oh well maybe you'll have a followup! Wink

Denise,

Touche! Wink
  

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Re: FDK About Face
Reply #13 - Jul 22nd, 2010 at 7:36pm
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I could have been snitchy and not posted this.   (sheesh!  Honestly!)  snigger snigger snigger

But I'll be generous.. Wink
About Face
Chapter 1


Well I was hoping for something lively and vibrant in this story, having been warned that Ed meets Cait again, and you did not disappoint!

The first lines.. three-inch stilettos, fluttering long fingered hands.. oh. But that’s not Cait. No.Cait is far too much the country girl, the one who cannot recognise our handsome hunk as he peruses her work.  Not quite a country bumpkin ( her computer skills show us that she is competent in the business world) but she has more important things to do in her life besides drool over  film studio moguls. I love Charlene’s comment ; puddle of lust.... very nice!

Cait’s response; film producers are all dicks (nice double entendre!) is perfect, before she gives in to her friends entreaty to go and talk to Straker.

What a wonderful description of him, seen for the first time. I really like the way you focussed on the hair and compared it to hairstyles of other film producers, making it clear that this man was an enigma. And there was something about him that made her heart beat faster.... well, we know the background don’t we! Nicely handled.. the fact that her mind appears not to know him, but her body betrays her by its reaction to him.

The description of her art work, as viewed by Straker is great. It’s hard to describe a piece of art work in words alone, but you mange it really well here, and one gets the impression that the new mural will be just as pleasing as the old one, if not more so.  And  then they meet. And his body betrays him as well, although his mind remembers her.

What does he see in the mural? ‘Peace’, but of course we know what has happened recently, so it’s a multi-layered answer...peace of mind, peace in his heart, peaceful acceptance of the past, peace in his office when he looks at the mural.

And she knows how important peace is to him  by his answer and also something else..a memory of something?

And a puzzle .. why is the placard missing? And the name of the new piece? Persistence.. again, multi-layered... we get a clue that there may not be easy times ahead for either of them..and that there have been difficult times in the past.. we know about Straker, and his mental turmoil, and that Cait is recently divorced... The Man is going to have to be persistent if he wants to achieve his goal of peace... with her!

And so he buys the pictures, and asks her out for dinner.. to discuss art.  And the perfect gentleman. Doesn’t quibble when she says  she will meet him there.. country girl!

New character; Antoine. Oh Boy he is going to be fun!  I can see him now! Simpering and pert, with just the right amount of naughtiness!  Good old Antoine... remembering the other mural.. Contemplation.

Another title that brings to mind images of Straker,  with steepled fingers, leaning back in his chair and thinking.

So she’s off to the Criterion.. for dinner with The Man ... and has to have a designer dress.. can’t wait to see what it is like!

And Antoine’s last comment...’ honey, he’s a film producer, he’s already seen it all.’ Wonderful. Dry, amusing, cynical, but reassuring!

And what happened to the name tag for Persistence? Will we find out?

  

I need some air.
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Neesierie
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Re: FDK About Face
Reply #14 - Jul 22nd, 2010 at 11:28pm
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Louise,
Thank you for the wonderful critique of chapter 1!  I hope to get more written tonight while I babysit.  If so, maybe chapter 2 will be up by tomorrow morning.  I had originally hoped to write more today, but I had a wedding shoot in the blistering heat and needed to recuperate afterward!  Tongue  But the wedding couple turned out just lovely.  (Of course, I kept them in the shade!) 
Antoine just happened.  And he really made the first chapter sing!  I'm going to want to find a way to bring him back somehow in the story again.  I may have to work things around to her returning to the gallery at one point, even if just to hear him talk again!  He was so much fun!  Cheesy
I need to get the mood just right for their dinner at the Criterion, then to HQ for some fun with the baddies!  We'll see how far I get tonight!  Wish me luck!  Cool
  
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