Hi Matt, this is .. fast paced and very action packed!!
One point though, for when you edit it. There is a part in Chapter 7 where Straker starts talking in the middle of the scene and it isn't very clear who it is.
Quote:“Luck is going to have nothing to do with it, comrade Colonel,” said Captain Yeltsin confidently.
“General, this is got to be the craziest idea I’ve ever been a party to. I don’t like the thought of my people being setup for an ambush,” he said icily.
“Commander Straker, you must trust me. There is no other way to do this and maintain the illusion of truth, I wish there was,” said the General.
“Very well, but keep me posted,” said the Commander.
“So have you considered what you are going to do when this is all over Vanya?” she asked quizzically
Even though there are spaces, it needs to be broken up with some description of what is happening, otherwise it is confusing. Pure conversation in a story is always much harder for the reader to follow than narrative. so you might want to break some of the conversations up with accounts of what is happening, where they are etc.
Pages: 
FDK Heartbreak on the Moskva (Read 8287 times)
HTML 5
