Chapter 4 “Let’s take a break and get outside for a bit, shall we?” He blinked as the lights came back up in her office. He almost told her to go ahead without him; that he would just keep pressing on. But after one look at her expression he realized that her invitation wasn’t actually one after all, so he sighed and stood up, stretching from being in one spot for hours. “Very well, Doctor. If you insist.” She grinned at his dry tone. “Believe me, Gar. I am fully aware what manner of man I am dealing with in you. Some things even amnesia has no power to disguise.” “What does that mean?” he asked in surprise. Dr. Terven chuckled. “It means that I can tell that you’re extremely focused and driven, and probably wouldn’t come up for air for the next month if someone didn’t demand it.” His lips twitched, but he didn’t argue with her analysis. It was early evening when they left the building, following one of the lit pathways toward a slightly wooded area. He looked about him with interest, not having been outdoors before at this time of day. The stones under their feet seemed to be luminescent rather than lit from beneath as he had first assumed. When he inquired about it, she told him that they were brought in from Tambreanor, where they could be found in great abundance. He remembered the planet from their search. It was a few systems away from Coriandus and possessed an agrarian society even though they had the technology to be much more advanced. He supposed it took all kinds. It certainly wasn’t a lifestyle he would embrace. There was a cool breeze blowing that moved through the trees as they wandered the paths, creating a soft shurring sound among the leaves that he found very relaxing. After they’d gone a ways, he looked over at her and found her eyes on him. There was a fugitive twinkle in them, and he grinned in spite of himself. “Yes,” he admitted, acknowledging that she had been right about the walk. “I suppose I did need to stop gazing at star charts for a while.” She laughed. “I wasn’t going to say anything, I assure you.” “I appreciate your reticence. But it wouldn’t be the first time someone told me ‘I told you so.’” “I understand where you’re coming from, Gar, so I wouldn’t say that to you. I tend to be a bit driven myself upon occasion.” “I’ve been wondering about that,” he said. “I’m grateful for your help – in fact, more than I can put into words. But I do realize that you must have other demands on your time. I don’t want to monopolize all of it.” “You’re not,” she told him. “I have no other patients at the moment. You are my sole responsibility.” “Is that normal for you?” “Sometimes,” she admitted. “It depends on the circumstances. Some situations require more of my time than others.” He grimaced. “I see. Sorry.” She shook her head. “Don’t be. I’ve found this case to be one of the most intriguing I’ve ever worked on. I just wish it were possible for us to take the time to explore your returning memories more, instead of having to focus our efforts on finding your world. We don’t want you to go back home only partially recovered, you know. How would that look in my report?” He gave her a glimpse of his charming smile. “I’ll try to be whole again before I leave, Doctor. I certainly wouldn’t want to blemish your perfect record.” “Thank you, Gar. Your consideration is appreciated.” After a while, he said, “I am remembering more. It’s little things really. Nothing of major importance. Faces, mostly, of friends and colleagues. Maybe a few that might be family. It’s hard to say. I’m much more ambivalent about those, so I can’t be sure.” “We’re always more ambivalent about family, Gar. It’s a fact of life.” “I suppose.” “Children?” she asked, trying to imagine him with a family. “Yes. One. A son.” He paused, bringing the youthful face back into his mind for a moment. “It bothers me that I can’t recall his name. He’s my son. How can I forget his name?” “Gar,” she said, stepping closer in an instinctive desire to give comfort. “Did Dr. Ramov discuss your injuries with you fully?” He looked swiftly at her. “What do you mean?” She sighed. “He didn’t tell you the extent of your injuries, did he?” He frowned as he tried to recall what the physician had said to him. “He rattled off a number of very serious-sounding terms, but I could tell that I was fine, so I didn’t pay a lot of attention. Doctors have a tendency to exaggerate everything and make things sound much worse than they are.” She shook her head. “You have certainly had your share of unreliable doctors, it seems. But you really should have listened to Dr. Ramov a little better. He’s a good doctor and was only trying to explain how far you’ve come since you were first brought here.” “Was it bad?” he asked. “Yes.” He met her eyes and realized something. “You were here, weren’t you? From the beginning?” She nodded, unable to speak past the sudden lump in her throat. She knew she would always remember how he had looked when she first saw him – his body broken, twisted, and burnt almost beyond recognition. “Why was that, Doctor?” “I don’t understand your question, Gar.” His blue eyes searched her face carefully. “Why would they need a psychiatrist before I was even conscious?” She sighed and looked away. “Because you sustained a great deal of brain damage,” she said quietly. “Most we could heal. Some we could not. But we knew from the start that you would require the services of a good psychiatrist if you were ever going to be able to function normally again.” He said nothing for a time; just continued to watch her averted face. Then he looked at the woods surrounding them, felt the cooling breeze, and listened to the sounds of the twilight gathering around them. “How bad is it?” he asked finally. “I don’t feel impaired in any way.” “You’re not,” she assured him firmly. “You’ve done miraculously well, recovering ninety-seven percent of your mobility already, and Dr. Ramov has hopes of getting that up to one hundred percent before your physical therapy sessions are through.” “And my brain?” “You have to understand, Gar, that we weren’t even sure at first if you’d ever regain your motor skills. Or understand speech or any number of other processes. The fact that you’re walking around without any signs of impairment is truly a miracle, and one that we are all very grateful for on your behalf.” “And the bad news?” he persisted, trying not to cringe at the thought that he could have ended up little more than a vegetable. She sighed again. “There may always be some gaps in your memory; areas of your mind that are no longer accessible. But over time you will forge new pathways, I promise you. The mind can heal itself. It just needs time.” “So what you’re saying is that I may never remember my son’s name?” She ran a hand through her hair in a way that clearly showed her worry for him. “I can’t tell you what you will or will not remember, Gar. It’s much better if you don’t concern yourself too much with it. If you accept limitations, then you won’t try as hard to heal.” “And you want me to heal.” “Don’t you?” she asked, her grey eyes dark against the shadows around them. “Yes.” He shoved his hands in the pockets of his pants and headed back the way they’d come. She fell into step beside him, but did not speak. He knew that she would have been much happier if she hadn’t needed to tell him how badly he’d been injured. He even understood her reasons why. But he had to know. He was stuck here on an alien planet without even the clothes he’d been wearing when he arrived. He felt more helpless than he’d ever felt in his life; at the mercy of a race of people he didn’t even know and had never heard of before. Home seemed to be a place that was very far away at the moment. They’d covered most of Sector 1 in their search and were nearly ready to move on to Sector 2, but he was quite aware that their star charts covered nearly fifty sectors. He knew that the odds against him ever getting back to Earth were astronomical, just as he knew that every day he spent looking through star charts made it possible for Earth to be destroyed before he ever reached it. But what else could he do? They came out of the trees, and he stopped, stunned by the wash of color across the western sky. Vivid color splashed over cloud and sky, and he realized with a shock that it had been a very long time since he had witnessed a sunset. He realized something else too. As the miracle of light and refraction played out before him, he understood that he’d been given a second chance at life here on this distant planet. If he’d crashed that badly on Earth, he’d be dead now. Or worse – a complete vegetable, kept alive by machines and never again fully aware of his surroundings. He looked at Dr. Terven as she stood next to him smiling slightly at the sunset. How could he possibly tell her how much it meant to him that he’d ended up on this planet instead of another one? How grateful he was for everything that had been done for him since he’d arrived, by people who had no other motive to help him than their own kindness! Yes, there was the military factor. And from Dr. Terven’s own words, he was able to deduce that they had their own agenda involved somehow in his recovery. But it didn’t seem to be very important. He certainly couldn’t see any way he would be considered a military asset to them. Maybe he’d wake up someday and find that this paradise he’d landed in had a serpent after all. But he wasn’t going to worry about it tonight. He drank in the beauty of the wash of color for some time before continuing back to the hospital. But once they entered the building, he said, “I don’t feel like working on star charts tonight, Doctor, if that’s alright with you.” “That’s fine, Gar,” she said quietly. “Do you want some time alone?” “Not really,” he told her, realizing as he said it that it was true. “In that case, perhaps you’d like to visit the lounge with me. There’s a game I’ve been wanting to see if you might like to play. I think it would challenge your puzzle-solving skills. It’s called Xardoni and is one of my favorites.” He raised a brow. “Really? A challenge, you say? Well, then. Lead on.” * * * “Oh, you’re sly!” she complained as he swept her pieces off the board. “I didn’t even see that coming!” He chuckled as he sat back in his comfortable chair. “I hope this hasn’t given you a distaste for your favorite game, Doctor.” “Not in the least,” she said, eying him fiercely. “My blood is up, and I’m determined to get the best of you. Shall we play again?” “Alright.” As he set his pieces onto their places on the board, he said, “We have a similar game on Earth called chess, although the rules are simpler and the pieces aren’t as diverse as these are.” “I suppose you are a master at that game,” she accused playfully. His grin flashed momentarily. Then he looked innocently at her. “I don’t know why you would think that, Doctor.” She laughed, enchanted with this glimpse of him in a more relaxed setting. “You know, Gar,” she said as she moved her twiffo into play. “When I’m off-duty, I don’t stand on formality. You can call me Daja.” He glanced swiftly at her, then back down at the board. “That’s a lovely name,” he said as he contemplated his move. “Does it have a special meaning?” She grimaced. “It means one who fixes things.” “Your mother must have been prophetic.” She grinned. “My mother – ! She is quite unique.” He moved his barvet into play. “How so?” She sipped her drink. “She’s from Serendi and used to tell me the most wonderful bedtime stories from her homeworld when I was a little girl.” He recalled that Serendi was an Alliance planet in a nearby star system. “Such as?” he asked her, more out of a desire to hear her talk about her childhood than any real curiosity about Serendian folklore. She grinned impishly at him. “Well, you may have wondered how you got your name.” He looked at her in surprise, lifting a brow at her when he saw her grin. “Oh? Is it from one of your mother’s tales then?” “It is.” “I’m almost afraid to ask what the story is about.” She shook her head at him. “I wouldn’t give you the name of someone awful! You should be ashamed of yourself for even thinking it!” His grin flashed again. “Then tell me,” he said. “Gar Barusch was the man who was and wasn’t there. It’s a long and convoluted story, but in essence, he had this talent that kept getting him into situations where he was blamed for things he didn’t do. I always felt rather sorry for him.” “How does the story end?” She chuckled. “He ends up becoming the new king, of course.” “And you thought that name suited me?” he asked incredulously. Her eyes twinkled as she moved her quarmel to block his cartusk. “Naturally.” He gave her a look. Then he turned his attention to the board. She won, but he’d put up a strong fight. As they put the pieces back into their niches in the game box, she said, “You don’t mind, do you?” “Hmmm?” he asked absently, fingering one of the game pieces. As he put them away, he wished he could take this game home with him when he went. It was definitely more interesting and challenging than chess. “That I named you for a man in a folktale.” “Oh.” He smiled wryly at her concerned look. “Not at all. We have a vaguely similar story on Earth about the man who gets blamed whenever children break something or drag dirt through the house. He’s called ‘Mr. Nobody.’ I never got to blame anything on him at my house, because I was an only child and no one would have believed me. But Alec often told tales of how his mother would be ready to tear out hair, because he and his siblings would all deny having done something and blame it on Mr. Nobody.” Instead of smiling at his story, she asked quietly, “And do you feel like a nobody here, Gar?” He met her eyes. “Occasionally.” “Don’t,” she said firmly as she got to her feet. “You’re much more important than you know.” “Oh?” he said, sensing more behind her tone. She grimaced. “Actually, you’re more important than I know too. At least, the Director seems to think so.”
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