SHADO
Welcome, Guest. Please Login or Register

News:
Normal Topic Any coments on; Three days and Responsibility? (Read 364 times)
Write Rat
Major
SHADO Research
****
Offline


Straker and his coffee.
Light and double sweet.

Posts: 355
Location: United States
Re: Any coments on; Three days and Responsibility?
Reply #7 - Mar 17th, 2017 at 2:36am
Post Tools
I had some problems with content based more on personal preference than anything else. I don't see Straker as physically and mentally frail as he is in both pieces. I noticed you mentioned a firefight it would be more convincing if we could read about it and how Straker was involved and how he was affected. I think he would chop heads off if he was being drugged (even for his own good) without his knowledge. He comes over too laid back to me. Its hard for me to think Paul would approach Ginny about her possible attraction to Ed considering we know she and Paul had a thing going.  I think Straker would be a lot more firm about accepting advice from the docs.  We see him skip a meal in priorities but I think his discipline wouldn't allow him to do that often. I think his fragility lies  more in loneliness and relationships. Alec is closest to him but we don't see him confide or ask for support with Johnny in priorities. He screws up when it involves women. He breaks his own rules on security by not turning in jo when she whacks him on tbe head in responsibility seat..
The bit about st johns wort might have solved my curiosity what he was growing in those odd canisters on his shelf 😀😀😀 I use a lot of alternative meds too. You must be into them? Straker spraying bach flower remedies😀😀😀
I portray Straker off strict canon but I try to always retain his core. Strangely the stories I have done that are very offbeat like Straker meeting the rabbit in rabbits paw get the most feedback, but I am very careful to provide reasons if he does something out of kilter like take his coffee black (Ed B liked his coffee black) or suddenly take up knitting 😀😀😀. Then you imo have to give a believable reason why he does it.
The stuff I think you are strong on is the humor between Ed and Alec and his own sense of humor.  i like your pace and you have a gentle easily readable style. I'd consider creating a char possibly a pesky one who lectures Straker about smoking and chemicals and use your own knowledge of herbs etc. Just experiment with writing.
As for the apple green uh..😀 My own feeling would be colors based on psychology. The way colors were used in prison to calm inmates.
More than anything else a writer should be true to his or her own interpretation but I personally find that if I go too out of the lines readers don't like it.
Regina glad you're back here. 🏠 You can always write me now that my email is active again. (Hugs new smartphone) 😁
  
Back to top
 
IP Logged
 
Moo
Captain
***
Offline


UFO Rocks!

Posts: 121
Location: Hazel Green, AL
Re: Any coments on; Three days and Responsibility?
Reply #6 - Mar 13th, 2017 at 3:24am
Post Tools
Hi Regina,

Read 'Responsibility' tonight. Great first installment. Looking forward to seeing how the next one continues the threads.

Moo
  
Back to top
 
IP Logged
 
Moo
Captain
***
Offline


UFO Rocks!

Posts: 121
Location: Hazel Green, AL
Re: Any coments on; Three days and Responsibility?
Reply #5 - Mar 11th, 2017 at 6:03pm
Post Tools
Regina,

Forgot to add my thanks for making Henderson more than a one-dimensional cranky ass. His character on the show was more antagonist than anything else and it carries over into fanfic as well. Nice to see someone else paint the character with some humanity.
Moo
  
Back to top
 
IP Logged
 
Moo
Captain
***
Offline


UFO Rocks!

Posts: 121
Location: Hazel Green, AL
Re: Any coments on; Three days and Responsibility?
Reply #4 - Mar 11th, 2017 at 3:17pm
Post Tools
Hi Regina,

Thanks for sharing your stories with us. I read 'Three Days' last night. Ironically I had a raging headache and felt lousy when I started it. As Straker's condition deteriorated, mine improved - you may have some medical breakthrough there...

I like your creation of new characters to carry the plot line and how you took old unkown characters we saw in the series and gave flesh to them. Nicely done. I was surprised to see Doc Schroeder given the first name 'Alan' as it's my name. I have one in progress and thought he looked like a 'Charles' to me. Maybe others have info about his character name but I could find none listed.

I'm looking forward to 'Responsibility' next...

Moo
  
Back to top
 
IP Logged
 
SnowLeopard
Captain
***
Offline


Where do they come from?
What do they want?

Posts: 106
Location: Berkshire UK
Re: Any coments on; Three days and Responsibility?
Reply #3 - Mar 10th, 2017 at 6:29am
Post Tools
Hi Regina!

I enjoyed them as well - techno-nerd that I am, I loved your upgrades to SHADO.

I wonder - is 'Three Days' a direct sequel to 'Responsibility', or are they separate strands? I look forward to developments!
  
Back to top
 
IP Logged
 
DebbieJ
Lieutenant
**
Offline


Foster Forever!

Posts: 74
Re: Any coments on; Three days and Responsibility?
Reply #2 - Mar 9th, 2017 at 1:41pm
Post Tools
Oops! I didn't realize that was the latest one you posted, so it isn't listed in the Library yet. Plus I was looking it up under the name you have here and not under your writing name.
I did enjoy it and your other ones as well you've written. Especially the square circle as I love Paul's character and enjoy it whenever I see him in a story in a positive light. I'd like to see more of him in part 2 as well (small hint there).
  
Back to top
 
IP Logged
 
DebbieJ
Lieutenant
**
Offline


Foster Forever!

Posts: 74
Re: Any coments on; Three days and Responsibility?
Reply #1 - Mar 9th, 2017 at 1:26pm
Post Tools
I tried looking up your story under the Library section by title and author and couldn't find it. Where is it located on the site. Thanks! Smiley
  
Back to top
 
IP Logged
 
hqoperationsrecruit.
Recruit
*
Offline


UFO inspires me to write.

Posts: 15
Location: Pontywaun
Any coments on; Three days and Responsibility?
Mar 8th, 2017 at 5:15pm
Post Tools
Im still getting used to posting and if other writers have time would like to let you know that my email for comments on my stories hopefully now works. I am really interested in what you more experienced writers think of the plot and style.  I have enjoyed writing them and hope any readers if any, enjoythem too. As I have several on going at present with differening plots I am very curious as to which stories I've written so far you like best and why. No huge analysis needed just a little comment if you can.Smiley
Wink
  
Back to top
IP Logged
 
Bookmarks: Google Digg del.icio.us Facebook reddit Twitter Linked in MySpace StumbleUpon Yahoo

Page completed in 2.1158 seconds.