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Hi Matt. I've been trying to get round to this for some time. I am so impressed with this story. I hope you don't mind one or two suggestions that I think might improve it.. feel free to ignore!!! I won't be offended!
Seriously, your story is excellent. there are one or two punctuation errors( look who is speaking!) and if I get the chance I'll try to send you a high;lighted version, but its a bugger to copy from the forum. if you have a Word version, I'll quite happily do that instead.
Review of Glitch in the Machine
Prologue.
A good start! Poor Keith... I like the way you show him as thoroughly competent and having the responsibility of dealing with the new system. His conversation with Straker is believable and very informative, especially the techno-=speak. This can be very daunting to readers at times, but I found it easy to read and yet it was way over my head.. if that makes sense! And the big boss apologising to Ford. That must be a first! Nicely done.
My only quibble here is that the prologue would be better ending with Straker saying he will call Matt and Virginia. It would make for a more natural break between the two different places; HQ and Matt and Ginny’s place.
The conversation between Straker and Matt is more of the techno-speak but again you handle this with expertise! I still don’t understand it, but that doesn’t matter!
Liked seeing Bill Johnson in the story!
Chapter 1
A very realistic conversation at the start, but it might help to put a little detail in occasionally, as it can get a little confusing occasionally swapping from one speaker to another. Something on the lines of;
‘Just about, we were hanging pictures in the living room when Ed called over.’ Matt told her ruefully.
And you managed to get your quote in... very very smooth! The master at work! I wish I’d thought of that!
A well-written account of the happenings in HQ, setting the scene clearly. The section dealing with the ‘problem’ with the communications is excellent. I enjoyed your backstory for Keith Ford, and the part about his family and the need for continued secrecy even from spouses. You even find something nice to say about Jackson. Well Done!
Nice touch with Wallace bringing The Man a coffee, and being perceptive enough to know how he is feeling. Future storyline here? I shall have to keep close tabs on Wallace!
Lovely ending to the chapter.
Chapter 2
Again, a realistic conversation between Jen and Matt. That image of Ginny hands on hips, head cocked slightly...excellent! I can visualise her perfectly! Then he meets Keith again.. once more, maybe some distinction between people when doing so much speech. I got a little confused as to who was speaking at one point and a little detail can add a lot to the story. It’s sometimes hard to work out how someone is saying something as well...
‘No but I would expect him shortly..’ ( is the speaker cross, scared, angry, annoyed. )Ford gave Matt a brief glance that showed his own exasperation at the continuing problems with the system.
At one stage you have four people in the room , Straker, Matt, Jen and Ford. and it would be better to have clear distinction between speakers here. Not sure if Matt or Ford are replying at times.
Very nice touch, having a virus .. we have a problem! Oh yes.. Love the phrase cumbersome hodgepodge!
Chapter 3
Powerful start to the Chapter. And Matt suspects sabotage – clever guy! Matt shows his strength of character when he agrees to Virginia returning to Moonbase. I like the part where he is in the command chair and it makes him realise what it means to be in charge. In fact, it makes me think that there is more to Matt than appears. I think we might see him return later in the command chain. A man who has his priorities straight and is not afraid to make difficult decisions, even at the risk of ones he loves. Remind you of anyone?
I would certainly like to read more about Matt after this story.
More techno-speak, and very well done as always. Convincing and doesn’t make me feel foolish because I don’t ‘get it’. And the frequent reference to coffee.. I can see where that is leading!! (snigger!)
You have planned this story with real attention to detail. I like the explanations in Chapter 3 that explain what has been going on and the references to emergency restarts and command level procedures.
A really intense story. Readable, interesting and exciting. Thanks Matt!
Hope this is okay!
I hope to catch up with the rest of this review later this week!
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FDK Glitch in the Machine Matt's take (Read 22722 times)
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