Frozen, a U.F.O. Short Story by Amelia Rodgers

Frozen a UFO story (sequel to Magic Fairies)
all rights reserved, may not be reproduced without permission.
Amelia L. Rodgers © 2000 This story takes place several years after Magic Fairies.
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Caution: contains adult language, violence, sexual situations. Not meant to infringe on any copyright that may be involved .The copyright for the series UFO is now Carlton's and the song Frozen, the lyrics of which I interwove in here, are sung by Madonna on her Ray of Light album.
I have manipulated canon, and certain situations for dramatic purposes. I renew my poetic license often- some historical details in this story are made up for same purposes.
Dedicated to Ed Bishop, and to the men and women who lost their lives in the Vietnam conflict, POW's and MIA's and to their families and friends left behind. And in the hopes that the remaining POW's and MIA's make it home.
Dedicated also to the E sound team, Anny, Carly and Julie. I am particularly grateful to David "Tigerfly" Chennault concerning some details on Vietnam and the Air Force.
My thanks to Commander Ed Straker for confiding in me once again so that I could fictionalise this incident.

You only see what your eyes want to see

"Move! Move! Move!" someone was yelling at him, but his body felt frozen and he couldn't. He didn't have the energy left to explain why. He didn't know quite who they were, friend or foe. Unfamiliar hands seized at him, something he'd grown to accept, his throat was far too raw to even form words of protest. It was going to happen again. The interrogation, the fear, the disgust, the debasement, the torture. This time he didn't care. This time, as far as he was concerned, the rice paddy could have what was left of his body, and there was pitiful little left after being half starved for so long. The only thing still alive in his head was the memory of terror in Andy's eyes as the soldiers had dragged the two of them into the pouring rain. "They're going to kill me Eddie, the gooks are going to kill me, Eddie! Don't let them, oh fucking shit, Eddie--"

The diminutive yellow skinned man pointing at a piece of paper, and yelling in his ear. The continual begging from Andy. The way he had said nothing, done nothing, just shook his head from side to side. Repeat his service number, given his rank. The soldier informed him that first his friend would be shot, and then he would be shot if he didn't tell them what they wanted to know. That much English, however broken, they both understood. The sound of Angel singing in defiance, and other voices adding to it. Then the impossibly loud burst of gunfire into the Negro's skull , and what had once been Captain Andrew "Tank" Bell, USAF, was crumbled on the soaked ground. Blood and brain matter defiled the face that he had seen so many times break into a toothy grin, and splattered on him.

He shut his eyes briefly against the sight, preferring to remember his friend as he had been before they had both been shot down and waited, as the rifle was pointed in his direction. He raised his head, looked right into the eyes of the enemy, without fear, waiting to join Andy. He would demonstrate to the enemy that while you can break a man's body, you never could break his soul. The Australian, among others, were all still singing in remarkably steady voices. It lend a surreal aspect to the scene. He recalled that in tap code the Australian had once boasted to him he had sung in choir back in church in Adelaide. He could readily believe it. The nickname in camp for the Australian, who was their camp SRO, had always been "Angel" because of that voice.

A few days, he thought, and I would have been camp SRO, but I never got that oak leaf of silver, and now I never will. No career, no wife, no children, nothing. It all ends here, here in this godforsaken place. Let it end, then. Let it end.

He pitched forward onto the wet muddy ground, next to Andy's body. So this was what death was like. Free. He was finally free.

Suddenly laughter exploded in his ears. At first he didn't understand. The soldier thought it very funny indeed that he had fired over the head of the American, but the idiot American had fallen anyway. Huge joke. He raised himself in a final gathering of adrenaline and hurled himself as human missile at the man who had executed Andy. There was a swift, sharp pain and his body was nothing but a mass of burning flesh. Scream after scream came as they continued to beat him. Let me die, let me die, please let me die---

The alarm clock buzzed and Ed Straker shot straight up, drenched from sweating, and looked frantically around, striking with one fist at an enemy who was no longer there. The flat. He was safe, in the flat. He let out a sigh. Damn dreams. Damn nightmares, night after night. He hit the switch to turn it off, and slid out of bed, stretched. Harlington-Straker Studios was doing a Vietnam war era film and it had dug up some unwanted memories in the back of his psyche. Well, enough of that rot, and enough of Jackson lecturing him on the symptoms of post traumatic stress disorder, he had work--

The phone rang in his living room and he jumped. Smooth, Straker, he mused to himself. You're not going to get through the day if any little sound is going to turn you into a nervous wreck. Sliding a hand through tousled hair, he walked into the living room, grabbed the phone.

"It's me, Ed. Sorry to call you so early, but I wanted to tell you don't need to come in to work today. Paul is going to handle your shift for you."

"Ed, haven't you heard the news? Turn on your radio. The weather's so bad they're closing roads and an emergency has been declared in some areas. There's no way you could get here right now anyway. Even by chopper."

"..continues to be closed. Several areas have had all road traffic restricted to emergency use. The weather bureau issued a statement--" Ed flicked it back off in disgust. He went and got his flannel lined, blue paisley silk robe and pulled it over his loose white pyjamas for comfort. Even though his flat was perfectly warm, the sound of the relentless rain pounding on his windows was chilling. He picked up the phone again with one hand and attempted to knot his robe sash with the other.

"Damn weather. Just the opportunity our little alien friends need to sneak through ground and air defences," Ed complained.

"Foster's aware of it. But so far nothing has turned up. Anyway, think of today as an enforced holiday. Why don't you have a lie in? You looked pretty beat last night."

"Your infernal nursing of me, as if I'm not able to take care of myself. And if you recall, I outrank you. You have no right to be telling me what to do," Ed declared sharply. There was silence over the connection. Ed waited.

"Exit From Hell. That POW film we're shooting with Bruce Campbell," Alec said, with the tone of a man who knew he was right.

"Yes sir. " Alec said. "Now I have orders for you, not as your assistant CO but as your friend. Go to bed. Or listen to that vast collection of jazz and classical music you have. Relax. Read. Or watch telly for entertainment."

"Watch telly? I would rather face ten UFO's armed with a slide rule than watch telly. " shuddered Ed. Alec chuckled again. "All right, I'll call later to see what the status is. Talk to you later, Alec."

"Right." There was a click, and Ed hung up. Except for the monotony of the rain, the place was uncomfortably silent. And this unwanted and unsought prospect of being stuck in the flat all day was beginning to gnaw at him, touch at his ever latent, damned claustrophobia.

"Quit feeling sorry for yourself, Straker," he said aloud. The doorbell rang, and again he jumped. Uttering a string of damns in all the languages he could think of on short notice, he went and collected his automatic pistol, loaded it, and gingerly unlocked and opened the door a little. His mouth fell open.

"Oh. Sorry. Yes. Thought you might be a burglar or something." Sure, Straker, burglars ring door bells every day, he thought. Awfully sorry to disturb you, Mr. Straker, but can I burgle your flat? Why of course, come right in. Well, it might have been aliens, but even the aliens might have sense not to come on a day like this. " My God, you look like a drowned rat. No, I actually believe a drowned rat would look better than you. Let me take your wet things, Miss Marsh. Come in." Ed unloaded the pistol and put it away.

"So formal. Call me Lily. You look wonderful. How is it you still look so wonderful after all this time, Edward? So many years!"

Lily Marsh, whom Ed remembered as being the friend of a long dead old woman, Petunia, who had left Ed an inheritance of sorts, stood there dripping and admiring him, as she shook out long black waves with the occasional white strands here and there. She carried a macramé purse that looked overstuffed, and she wore a few more pendants besides the pentacle that he remembered from his first look at her. She had several lines around her eyes he didn't recall from the last time but she still was aggravatingly lovely. She appeared to be in her forties now. She still reminded him of a lithe ebony cat. Difficult to believe so much time had passed since that first encounter with her, after Petunia had passed away.

"Sit down and I'll get us something hot to drink, and then you'll explain to me what you're doing here when nobody is supposed to be on those roads."

Ed slipped off her Burberry coat and took her brolley, determined not to notice that she smelled like spice and roses, or that her exposed nape, as she wound damp hair on top of her head, seemed to invite kissing. She defied gravity by making the dark top knot stay up with a single lacquered hairpin, he noted. She had on a green cashmere tunic over a multicoloured wool ankle length skirt, and dangling silver charms hanging from her pierced ears. He hung up her wet things over his spacious tub in his bathroom after he shut and locked the door.

"That's because it wasn't. " Ed was relieved to try and escape into his kitchen, smoothing his robe and knotting the sash tighter, but she trotted in after him in her hosiery after tugging off her pair of brown boots and dropping them on his zebra rug. "Oh, do make yourself comfortable, " he said, looking at the muddy result, and she grinned and made a face at him.

"My stars. Is your entire house this neat?" Lily paused , taking the fully equipped kitchen in. She inspected pastel drawings of old cottages that were carefully framed and hung at various places on the walls, giving the black and white tiled kitchen a spot of colour. Above her head the various sizes of gleaming copper pans hung one after the other as if on parade. "Your place is lovely, but it could do with some candles and flowers."

"What' s wrong with being neat?" Ed said, mystified. "Want espresso? Hot cocoa? Alec gave me this overpriced electric kitchen contraption last Christmas, and I've finally got the hang of it. And as for the candles, I have some in the living room." He tapped a huge chrome monstrosity on a counter.

"I would be honoured to have hot cocoa, handsome, do you have any marshmallows to put in it? And, my dearest Edward, there is nothing wrong with being neat, except you seem to have turned it into an obsession." Lily stood on her tiptoes and inspected the inside of a cabinet. She noted that all the spice canisters were carefully labelled. In fact, everything in the cabinets seemed to be in order. She expected to find the usual stuff a bachelor would keep, but Ed's pantry was as stocked as a chef's.

"Do you go poking into other people's things all the time, Miss Mar- Lily? Look in that container on that shelf for the marshmallows. I'll start up this glorified gadget and make us some cocoa. Have you had breakfast?"

"No. But you will let me make it. Just show me where everyth--what am I saying? Everything is clearly marked here. You work that contraption that the adorable Alec gave you, and I shall make us breakfast."

"Why does that not sound like a request, Lily?" Ed said, offering a rare smile, and mentally filing away the part about the adorable Alec for future blackmail use.

"That is because it wasn't. Oh by the way, I did not drive here. I do not drive anymore, I do not like it. I walked here." Lily retrieved eggs and some other ingredients from his refrigerator and cupboards, and began whipping everything into an copper bowl.

"You walked? In this weather? I remember you as being slightly eccentric, but I see you've upgraded that to insane." Ed said, amused. He vaguely recalled Alec telling him that the house Lily had inherited was about a mile away from his flat. She fired back a less than genuine glare.

"Are insults the thanks I get for coming to see you when you most needed it, my beautiful Edward? Do you ever cook?" Lily turned on a burner. " Heavens, the stove is almost as immaculate as you are!"

Ed lifted a pale brow but wisely decided not to approach that subject for now. He stirred the imported chocolate and hot milk, as she cooked the egg mixture. She seemed to be making an Italian omelette and it smelled good already. Ed busied himself with his part of the breakfast activity, popping some slices of bread into a toaster, setting out the butter and marmalade.

"What do you mean when I most needed it?" Ed called from where he had gone into the dining area. Ed stopped, frowned, winced. He arranged two mugs on a tray, and began setting out the utensils, plates and bright orange cloth napkins. She came out to see him. He was still wincing. Damn back again, he thought angrily.

"Cold weather aggravates old injuries of mine. The disadvantages of time. Nothing to worry about."

He raised his icy blue eyes to her warm chocolate brown ones inquisitively. She smiled.

"You forget I went with you in the ambulance to hospital, Edward. They had to cut away all your clothing to access the injuries when that bastard hit you with his car. I saw your body and your collection of scars. Alec said you had been hurt many times."

"I didn't realise you were still there. Alec talks too much, " Ed added, uncomfortable.

"You will do no such thing, Lily. Oh, better go see to that frittata you're cremating." Ed was rewarded by her look of horror and the sight of her quickly running into the kitchen. He grinned. That had done the trick. He went into the bathroom quickly, opened a bottle of painkillers and swallowed them down with a paper cup full of water.

How can life be what you want it to be

A few minutes later, Ed was thoughtfully chewing on the last of his meal, and she was sitting back, sipping her cocoa, watching him carefully. Ed swallowed the last bit, and smiled. She had insisted on lighting the candles, and they flickered gently.

"Delicious." Ed complimented her. She beamed at him. He noted that sometime during the cooking process one of her black tendrils had freed itself from the top knot, and now bounced with every small movement she made. It was excruciatingly arousing. He ignored it the best he could.

"Not exactly brain surgery to mix Swiss chocolate and hot milk," mocked Ed, dabbing at his lips with the napkin. "Now, what did you mean when I most needed you?" Ed poured himself more cocoa, and sipped it contentedly. It made a nice alternative to coffee, and was soothing somehow. So was the idea of having a guest. So was the idea of going over there and seeing how well that guest might fit against your body. Shut up Straker, he told himself.

"Persistent, aren't you? The medicine seems to have worked, that look of battling pain isn't there now." Ed raised his head in bewilderment above his mug of cocoa and she grinned.

"I heard the bathroom door open and shut, my sweet. And Alec told me a lot about you and your bad habits."

"That adorable Australian of yours has a loose tongue, and needs a stern lecture on privacy," grumbled Ed. "Excuse me for a moment, I'm going to go shower and dress. Should have done it already. Make yourself at home." Cold shower, thought Ed.

Ed stepped out of the shower after turning off the taps, and began vigorously drying himself with a Turkish cotton bath towel. Then he worked it around his sleek body and tucked the edges in. He picked up his hairbrush, caught his reflection in the glass, gawked, and spun around. He'd seen her, just behind him, quietly watching. Used to being alone, he hadn't locked the latch. "Damn it!" Ed bellowed, and the hairbrush went flying to the ground.

"Hush now, you weren't about to let me near you unless I sneaked in like this, and yours, dear Edward, is not the first nude male body I have seen. Now come with me, and I will give you a proper deep massage. That way you will sleep naturally. I always carry my aromatherapy oils with me."

"You are stepping over my boundaries, Marsh." The Antarctic wasn't as cold as Ed's voice.

"Would you rather rely on chemicals for the rest of your life, Edward? Must you always give the ones who care about you a reason to worry?" Her tone almost, but didn't quite measure up to his. She was too worried about him to want to really scold him.

"You haven't answered my question about why you came, and I'm not about to let your nonsense get to me, do you understand? " Ed said, knowing it wasn't the only time he'd been chewed out for being reliant on drugs. How many times had he heard it from Alec? I just don't have time to deal with the pain, he told himself.

"If it will soothe your nerves, your friend Alec did a background check on me." Lily shrugged.

"Call him. He said it was necessary if he was going to allow me to continue to come and see you in hospital. He was very protective of you. He had guards assigned to your room. He explained that sometimes people in the movie world were stalked and pursued by the press." Lily shrugged. Then she grinned again. "He said my past was rather interesting, several run-ins with the police during peaceful demonstrations, running away from my parents when I was a youth, that sort of thing."

"I don't recall you ever coming to hospital while I was recovering." Ed said, hard. " And I do intend to call him."

"I always came while you were still in recovery after surgery, and afterwards, when Alec left, and you would be fast asleep. " Lily walked out and came back with his robe and his slippers from the adjoining bedroom. Then she went into the living room. Ed followed her, after putting on his robe again. "I am sorry that you still don't trust me." She was sitting on his smaller black couch, looking sad.

"I've had good reasons to not trust people, Lily." Ed said. He settled down on the couch next to her. Lily studied his face in a peculiar fashion for a moment, nodded. Ed punched out Alec's number.

"You've been hurt many times by people you loved and wanted to trust, I know." Lily said. "Your worst scars are not on your body, my Edward. " Ed studied her back, but chose not to respond.

"Oh hi Ed. Fine. No sightings. How are you taking your day of relaxation? You sound odd."

"Good, good, I'm relieved to hear everything is okay at the studio. Alec, do you remember Lily Marsh?"

"Remember her? Ed, I've had a couple of drinks with her at her house more than once. She saved your life, remember? Why?"

"She showed up about a half hour ago on my doorstep, that's why. She's sitting here next to me."

"Ed, she always claimed to me that she knew when you were in need of company. As a matter of fact I often rang her up or she'd ring me up and she'd say what is happening to Edward? And those times would be on occasions when you would either be in danger or badly hurt or upset or frustrated over something. And after all that fairy doll business seeing your neck get broken and seeing you come back to life, I began to take what she said damn seriously. Hell, I'm surprised she waited all these years to turn up! I did a G-6 on her not long after we met her, while you were in hospital. She's had something of a rough past and she has got a police record from demonstrating against various things, bit of a rebel, but she isn't a security threat. She demonstrated against the military, for one thing." Alec chuckled. "Apparently she has some sort of authentic ESP like our old friend Croxley, but not to the extent that she ever guessed what you actually do for a living. So try not to worry, Ed. But try not to parade around in uniform in front of her."

"She asked me not to, that's why." Alec chuckled. "She came to see you and she was always glad to see that you had on that crystal she gave to me to present to you. Enjoy her company, Ed. I feel a lot better now knowing you're finally in her hands. I'll call you later to keep you updated. Goodbye."

"Why didn't you let me know you were with me in hospital?" Ed asked. Her sunny smile faded.

"Edward, it is I who killed that bastard who hit you with his car. And it is I who swore never to do ill with my craft. The first lesson a witch learns is to do no harm lest it return to her threefold. Lawrence made my friend Petunia's life miserable after her husband died, took away her home and stuck her in the retirement centre where I met her. .I had to see that he got his just rewards, even though I violated my oath, and lost my status in coven. I didn't want whatever happened to me to harm you in any way. I was afraid. Afraid the Goddess might see fit to punish me by harming you. " Lily shrugged. "I never wanted to see the life go out of your beautiful face again. I saw you die, don't you remember?"

"Lily, what happened to him had nothing at all to do with you. He'd been speeding to get away from the crime of trying to kill me, and he was drinking. Post mortem proved that. The train hit his car. You aren't responsible for anything that happened." Ed replied firmly. "It was a set of circumstances you could do nothing about."

"He did kill you. You died! It was your wish, your unwise wish, do you not remember? To die before you got old. I warned you to wish wisely. You didn't take the little doll seriously. I still have the doll she gave you. I wanted to have something of yours. I also have this. I found it in your jacket, the one you left behind that day." Lily reached into her neckline and came up with a handkerchief in white linen. Embroidered on the handkerchief were the initials E. S.

Ed's blue eyes widened. He held out his hand and she gave it to him unhappily. He stuck it in the pocket of the robe.

"So that's where that got to. I wondered what had happened to it. I figured it was lost in the accident. It was a wedding gift from my wi--from my ex-wife to me. One of the few things I kept after the divorce." Ed raised a hand and put it on his shoulder and sighed. The pain was starting up again.

I'm never going to allow anyone to get to me again, Ed thought. I'm never going to trust a woman and have her throw that trust in my face. What was it Jo Fraser said to me that night? Soft gets you eaten alive, Ed thought bitterly.

You're frozen when your heart's not open

"I'm not going to let you get to me, you know. I don't know why I allowed you to talk me into this -- OW!"

Ed was laying face down on his bed, blanket covering his lower body, as Lily continued to rub oil deep into his back. Ed moaned in real pain.

"Oh, my poor Edward, I know you have spots where it hurts more than others. I am going as gently as I can, but this is many years of damage, and all these tight knots! Is it true you have metal inside your body?" Lily shuddered.

"Alec again, huh? " Ed growled, raising his head a little, then relaxing down again. The oil was warm, smelled of oranges and vanilla and eased the pain a little.

"He said it happened first when you went to war. War is terrible, I hate it." Lily said, rubbing the oil into his neck. He didn't respond at first, and then he started to tremble. Before she could even say anything, he rose up into a sitting position, pulling his robe on. He was wringing his hands without being conscious of it.

"Something ugly, something very ugly. Nothing I ever want to talk about. I'm tired, Lily." As if to illustrate it, he sagged a little.

"You are carrying an awful weight. Perhaps someday you will tell me and then you will not carry it alone anymore, Edward. Two people carry burdens easier than one."

"Look, there are things I don't even talk about to Alec. This is none of your business. So don't push me." Ed retorted icily, and then regretted it, softened his voice a little, tried out a smile. "Lily, look, we were given the day together by a blessing of happenstance, let's not ruin it with trying to pry into my personal life. Let's just keep each other company, all right? I don't get many visitors here besides Alec. I'm enjoying your companionship."

"It was not happenstance. I knew you needed me. I always know when you need me. I knew you needed me today. This is the first time I got the courage to actually come to your house. I know when something upsets you. So does Alec. Have you not noticed that? You have an old soul connection with him."

Ed began to chuckle. "More of that stuff, huh? I keep forgetting you're a witch." Ed scooted back and leaned against her and she sat next to him, gently massaging his shoulders until the slight trembling stopped. "Umm. That does feel good."

Ed gave her a look that would have turned steel to the consistency of paste. She grinned.

"Alec warned me you have an aversion to orders. All right then, my beautiful Edward, please lie back down. And close your eyes, that will help you relax."

Ed looked at her, sceptical, and she laughed again, producing a smile from him. He lay down on his pillow and she began to draw the palms of her hands gently up from his temples into his hair area. She did that for several minutes. Then she stopped, noting with satisfaction from his steady, deep breathing that he was fast asleep. As lightly as she possibly could, she leaned down for an indulgent but brief tender kiss upon his perfectly shaped lips, which were slightly parted. Oh, how long she had desired to do that ! Then she sat up, triumphantly smiling.

To her utter and complete astonishment, his eyelids shot open, almost like the lens of a camera might, his clear brilliant blue eyes focused momentarily on her , with the faintest touch of amusement. Ed's mouth briefly pulled into a warning scowl. Then he shut his eyes again and permitted himself to fall back asleep. She clapped her hand over her mouth so she wouldn't react and disturb his rest, and slipped into the living room after covering him tenderly with the fur throw.

After several minutes, sure that it wouldn't disturb him, out of hearing distance she chortled merrily. She would not make the mistake of underestimating her beautiful Edward again. Had Alec not said his friend was a challenge? She closed her eyes.

Goddess, she thought, let me bring some happiness into this man's life. He has endured enough sorrow. That is all I ask, and then I will willingly accept whatever fate has in store for us. He is truly your own, your mark is upon him, let me be your instrument to heal whatever has torn his soul apart. For would I have met him if that was not my destiny? Oh Goddess hear me. Lily opened her eyes and sighed, then eagerly began to explore the flat.

You're so consumed with how much you get
You waste your time with hate and regret

Ed yawned, stretched. A quick look at the clock informed him he'd been asleep a little more than four hours. However, no Lily in sight. He got out of bed and entered his living room, but she was nowhere to be seen. Irritatingly, he found he missed her. He pulled his robe on. "Lily?"

Then he heard her singing and the splashing of water. He listened for a moment, intrigued by the melody and words.

".......MMmm-mm-mm... If I could melt your heart Mmm-mm-mm... We'd never be apart Mmm-mm-mm... Give yourself to me , Mmm-mm-mm... You hold the key..." ------...Mmm-mm-mm... If I could melt your heart

He traced it to the bathroom door, which was slightly open. She was in his tub, and apparently had located a bottle of foaming bath salts, a freebie from some company that had shot their ads at the studio. Ed had forgotten he'd had it. Bubbles coated all her more gratifying features. Ed hesitated, kicked sexual arousal back to the mental dungeon where he kept it chained, but didn't move from the spot. Intrigued, he drew a little nearer, watching her unseen. Lily spotted him, paused in mid-note and gave a little shriek of pretended modesty, and sank down under the bubbles to her neck.

"You're hogging my bathroom, lady." observed Ed, not surprised to have been discovered. Turnabout is fair play, he mused. "What song were you singing?" Ed had noticed she had a pleasant throaty voice.

"Oh that. Frozen. Madonna sings it. It is a song about a man who is emotionally frozen. Shall I sing it again for you? It is very much like you, you know. Besides, this tub is roomy, why don't you share a bubble bath with me before lunch?"

"I don't think so," he said, folding his arms and leaning against a wall. "And no thanks, I don't want to be sung to," Ed lied.

"Are you going to just stand there? Have you no scruples, you horrible man?" Lily teased him.

"ME? No scruples? I seem to recall this morning that you just breezed in on me while I was in puris naturalibus."

"Yes, yes, I did get that notion. You're lucky I didn't hit you with my hairbrush. So are you going to let me shower, or are you going to be in there all day?"

"I haven't decided yet, " Lily declared. She grinned at him, and splashed the water. She threw his bar of soap at him and he managed to avoid being hit easily. Ed leaned back against the wall, striving to not grin.

"Well this is getting interesting. You steal my handkerchief, show up unannounced, you walk into my bathroom with no regard for my privacy, you kiss me when you think I'm asleep and now you hog my bathroom. Typical woman. You're acting like we're already married."

"Oh, that sounds like a lovely idea, really. Mrs. Lily Straker! Shall I plan our honeymoon? Shall I give you lots of babies?" Lily clapped once in approval.

"Out. I want to shower. I'll start lunch for us." Ed tossed a towel in her direction, and exited. She let the tub drain and stood under the tap to rinse off. When she came out, dressed again, she found him in the kitchen, slicing some cheese. Something smelled wonderful. She rapped him lightly on the rear, and he jumped, but he had been expecting it, and wasn't all that rattled. "Took you long enough." Ed proclaimed.

"I had to make myself look beautiful for you. It takes a long time. Oooh, what are we having for lunch?" Lily reached over and stole a piece of cheese, popped it into her mouth. Ed scowled.

"Ham and cheese sandwiches, French onion soup and iced tea. Can you hold down the fort in here while I shower and dress?"

Lily saluted him, and she grinned, picked up a small piece of cheese and put it into his mouth, and went off to set the table. Ed grinned and ate it. Then he headed toward the bathroom.

"Oh, and Lily? I'm locking the door." thundered the distinctive voice from the other room as an afterthought. Lily heard the bathroom door lock, snapped her fingers in consternation and laughed.

He came out in a few minutes, fully dressed, looking gorgeous, smelling of citrus, hair combed into his usual style and she hugged him but gave a sigh.

"We should have had flowers for the table. You look incredibly sexy and smell wonderful. But must you always wear such uncomfortable clothes?" Ed was wearing his brown turtleneck and jump-suit.

He sat down at the table, realising he was starved. "All this looks excellent. I could get used to having my lunch at home laid out like this."

"It was nothing, you had everything ready for me. And you made the soup fresh! I was very impressed."

"It isn't that difficult. Just a matter of combining ingredients in the right way. Anyway, what's wrong with my clothes? And who gave you permission to look through it? You left my wardrobe door open, snoop." Ed was irritated he hadn't been awakened by her prowling through the bedroom, but he had been pretty exhausted, he told himself.

Lily sat down and bit into her sandwich, and answered with her mouth full, provoking one more of Ed's disapproving looks.

"Everything is so staid and tailored and starchy, " she declared. I bet when you were a baby, your nappies were ironed and tailored. Where were you born, Edward? I want to know everything about you."

"Try having conversation with your mouth empty, you'll find it's quite an improvement, and my nappies were not tailored. They might have been monogrammed, though, and I was born in Boston, in the United States. I've lived here practically all my life, though." Ed spooned the soup into his mouth. The phone rang, and he swallowed, and got up to answer his phone. She stared at him, trying to figure out if he was teasing about the monogram. "Straker."

"How is everything, Ed? Has she got you under her spell yet? She's a witch, remember!"

"Hilarious, Alec. Have Miss Ealand remind me to arrange an audition for you as lead actor for one of our situation comedies. How's everything at the studio?"

"One UFO and Gay bagged it. Just the usual. Weather doesn't seem to want to lighten up. The forecast is for the storm to clear by Monday or Tuesday. Why don't you plan on taking the weekend off?"

Alec grinned, because in Strakerese, that was practically a firm yes. The difference in Ed's voice between the time he had last spoken with him and now was pretty obvious, and he wondered if Lily had already gotten the SHADO commander between the sheets. The sexual attraction between the two had been obvious since the day he'd had first seen them together.

"So what have you and Lily been doing all day ?" he remarked as casually as he could manage.

"Not what you'd like us to be doing, Alec. We're having lunch, which you interrupted. I'll call you tonight to make sure everything remains okay."

"Lunch, huh?" Alec sometimes was irked by Ed's ability to guess what was really on his mind, but the two of them had been friends so long, it wasn't surprising. Besides, the mutual mind reading ability bothered Ed more than it did him, and he grinned again. Ed was more transparent than he would like to think, and more lonely than he ever freely admitted to and Alec guessed that Lily would break him down sooner or later. "Sounds like a good idea. I'll talk to you later. Goodbye, Ed."

Ed smiled. "Goodbye Alec. Try not to work too hard." Ed hung up. Lily smiled at him when he came back to the table.

"Hmmmm? Oh. Eat your sandwich, and don't make comments on my private conversations. Want some more iced tea?"

"I would rather have you. You wouldn't want to disappoint Alec, now, would you?"

"I've turned disappointing Alec into a life long sport," Ed said, sitting down and picking up his sandwich. Lily watched him eat.

"Petunia was utterly smitten with you and now I know why, it's your big gorgeous eyes and your aura of being untouchable. It really is a pity, you have perfect lips meant for kissing, and a beautiful body, you know. I once said the Goddess had blessed you with your captivating voice, but I saw earlier she blessed you in another area too." Lily winked and wiggled her eyebrows a little.

"You always in the practice of walking in on naked elderly men in their bathrooms?" Ed said, clearly growing uncomfortable.

"Edward, yes, do you not recall I work as activity director at the retirement home? Because we were short on staff once in a while, I often gave elderly men and women their showers. Besides, you are not old!"

"Nice work if you can get it. You ever walk in on Alec?" Ed regretted the question as soon as it was out of his mouth. To cover his feeling of unease, he picked up the pitcher of iced tea and filled their glasses. If those two have been having sex, it isn't any of my business, Ed mused dismally.

"Alec and I are just friends. He told me that you seemed attracted to me when we met after you'd been in hospital. I told him that I found you very desirable indeed, and he told me you were divorced, available but quite a challenge, but that he wished me good luck."

"I've decided not to have the little talk with Alec about privacy. I'll just kill him outright," Ed said, picking up the knife on the table in a threatening fashion. Why am I so relieved she isn't one of Alec's conquests? Put all that right out of your mind, Straker. No more romance. No relationships. No taking that hairpin out so I could feel the mass of black hair between my hands. Damn, think of something else fast, Straker!

"At least take the mayonnaise off it, my dear Edward." Lily chuckled. She snapped her fingers. "Actually I have a much better weapon for you to use. Stay here."

"You carrying a sub-machine gun in there? I noticed your purse seemed heavy," Ed asked. "YE GODS! What is that?"

Lily brought out a wicked looking knife from its sheath with some strange design carved into the handle.

"An althame. It is a dagger that I used during rituals." Lily came and stood in front of Ed's chair, relishing his expression.

"Lily, if you start telling me you kill animals and drink their sacrificial blood, I am throwing you out in the storm right now."

"Oh Edward, don't be silly, it is used for magical rituals, I don't kill anything except bugs. You have been watching too many Vincent Price movies."

"It looks more like military issue than a toy for that wicca of yours." Ed grunted. "Let me see it." Lily grinned and gave it to him. Ed lay it in the palm of his hand, admiring its heft and balance. He idly wondered what Lily would say if he told her he was trained in knife fighting.

"Hmm, impressive carving. Looks old. How long have you had it?" Ed handed it carefully back to her and picked up his tea. Suddenly she took hold of Ed's jump-suit, and with a quick gesture ripped it with the knife from the V to the crouch area, then dropped the knife in its sheaf inside her purse on the floor. Astounded, flushed and enraged, Ed slammed the tea on the glass table. He wasn't at all sure what was worst, the fact that she had shredded his clothes, or the fact that he hadn't even seen it coming. Alec had checked her out, and seemed satisfied, but being lured into letting down his guard that much, irritated Ed no end.

"What you want me to be doing. What we both want to be doing." Lily said calmly.

"I've had it with your predatory sexual behaviour and your disregard for my personal boundaries. You don't know who you're dealing with. How dare you do that to me! As soon as that storm lightens up, you're out of here! And if it doesn't stop, I'll personally throw you out anyway. Is that clear?"

"You have been looking at me all day. You were looking at me from that first day I got to see the man Petunia had been talking about. You have been wanting me. I have been wanting you. A woman knows these things. There is nothing wrong with you and I wanting to give ourselves a few hours of pleasure." Lily slipped her arms around Ed's waist, and brought them underneath his turtleneck and T-shirt to glide over his chest. Ed's sparse chest hairs were soft between her fingers, and his body felt invitingly smooth and warm. She could feel his heart thumping furiously. Ed went absolutely still. He might as well have been carved out of granite. For a instant she feared Ed might actually strike her, he appeared so furious.

Lily swallowed, bent her head, closed her eyes and secured her mouth to his in a kiss. Ed did not move or react. She drew her head away to see his expression. She brought a hand up to stroke the wisps of platinum hair at his nape. His mouth pulled into a straight line of distaste and disapproval.

"Stop it. I told you to get your hands off of me." His voice wasn't as icy now, she noted with relief. The frozen man had melted a little. Only a few snowflakes, not the avalanche she'd hoped for.

"Why are you denying your own feelings, your own needs? You are exactly like the man in the song. All right. I will go. I will not bother you anymore. You make yourself such an impossible man to love, Edward."

Lily stroked his hair a final time, went to collect her things, and started putting on her boots.

Ed slumped a little in his chair, watching her. By the time she had on her coat, he stood, his mind made up.

Lily let the door knob go immediately, and marched back to him. Ed looked at her, his emotions in conflict, intensely staring at her, fierce expression plastered on his face. Wanting her. Needing her.

Ed slowly raised a hand and moved a mass of hair away from her face, letting his hand slide behind her neck. He took her hair pin out and let it drop. Lily closed her eyes slowly, taking in the experience. She removed her coat, and tossed it behind her. Then she moved closer toward him, and he took her in his arms. His eyes were troubled.

"You will only regret if you don't do it. Oh my Goddess, my Edward, I want you, I love you so much. That first day, sitting across the table, I thought I would never see you again. I was so glad you had left the jacket."

"You're one of the strangest women I have ever known." Ed explored her ear with his lips. It sent a tingle rippling through her body. She could feel herself becoming aroused.

"You completely and deliberately ruined one of my business outfits." Ed added, deadpan. "I've heard of bodice ripping, but jump-suit ripping?"

Ed chuckled softly, leaned in and kissed her, tentatively at first, and then hard, and long. She let go of him and pulled him into the bedroom, and began to help him take off his clothes. She pulled her top and skirt off, tugged at her boots, and he did a brief investigation, looking for the clasp on her black silk bra in the back, and she brought his hand quickly to the front.

"In front." Ed muttered to himself impatiently. Finally the bra came off, followed by her silk matching panties and they were both stripped down to their skins, and they spent several pleasurable minutes exploring each others bodies, giving the occasional grunt or sigh or ahhh when the desired place and effect was reached. Ed finally tugged her down to the bed, guided himself into her, and she groaned in delight, locked her fingers behind his back, pulled him deeper inside her. The couple settled into a burgeoning rhythm of rocking, thrusting bodies, and passionate sounds. Their orgasms came soon one after the other and were accompanied with exhilarated cries. When both of them were satisfied, they lie close together, waiting for their breathing to go back to normal. Lily gave a long sigh of pleasure. Ed, on the other hand, was strangely quiet.

"I have wanted that since the day I laid eyes on you. Dreamed of it," Lily told him, stroking his chest. "This was better than anything I could dream. " She saw his face and frowned. "What is it?"

"Is that what this is all about? Cornering me? Breaking down my resistance? Getting your way, getting what you wanted? What happens now that you have?" Ed snapped, expression grim.

"That is up to you. I am completely yours for however long you want me." Lily said.

"Edward, this has nothing to do with any spell. I wouldn't force myself--" she laughed when she saw his dubious look.

"You rip my jump-suit open with one of the longest knives I have ever seen and you sit there and try to convince me you wouldn't force yourself on me?"

"I was going to go, remember? You ordered me back. " She jabbed a finger at his chest. He watched as she pouted, sitting up.

"You didn't exactly cry rape, my Edward." Lily pronounced smugly, twisting strands of his golden chest hair. He flinched a little.

"It doesn't matter, I have possessed you, nobody can save you now, you are all mine."

"Helpless." Ed said. There was a peculiar tone in his voice. Suddenly he flipped her.

Ed had calmly used a judo technique to overpower her and tossed her to the floor. He grinned and lie down, settled on his stomach, rested his chin on his hands and looked down at her. She was scowling and rubbing her bottom. "There. That should teach you to not violate my boundaries, Lily Marsh."

"No." Ed admitted. He curled his finger toward himself invitingly, beckoning her.

Lily jumped up and bounced happily on the bed aside him, and Ed gave her a wide grin. He smiled, and lie on his side, reached up for her, watching her, feeling himself get aroused again, wondering what was coming.

Lily reached calmly down and squeezed him with both hands by the testicles. Then she pulled him inside her.

On later quiet reflection, with Lily cosily curled up against him, both of them dozing after lovemaking, Ed came to the conclusion that his resulting scream probably had been heard all the way to Moonbase---

Let all the hurt inside you die

The men shivered, and tapped and coughed out a new series of coded conversations which echoed in the night all throughout the godforsaken camp. Eventually, it reached his ears, and he stopped his quiet sobbing, took in a deep, pained breath, and listened. He took part in it, even though he knew what the enemy would do to him if he was discovered communicating. Coughing was safer than the taps, because most of them had problems with their lungs.

(( Q-tip, it's Angel, are you awake, are you okay? I know they worked you over pretty bad. But this is important.))

((Q-tip, fine my Aussie arse, we all saw what the bastards did to you, saw Tank buy the farm. Drummer can understand a little of what the gooks are saying. They're planning to move us to another location in the morning. Three or four guards, the rest have gone ahead. They aren't expecting anything from us, they think they've got us beaten. We're going to move against them. We'll have casualities, but this is the only chance we have. What shape are you really in?))

((Not great, Angel, not great. In pain, feverish. Peeing blood again, they pounded my kidneys, just about pulverised my back and legs. If you're thinking about escape, I'm with you, you know that Sir, but I will probably only slow you up.))

((We're taking you with us, Q-tip, count on it, so be ready in the morning. Get as much rest as you can. God be with you. Hey, Q-tip?))

Morning came all too soon, and the men started to be herded out, like animals. There were about eleven of them left, the others had been either executed that day with Tank, or hadn't survived the torture, near-starvation and sickness. The guards were getting ready to chain them together. Trying to keep the astonishment out of their faces from seeing each other's ragged, emaciated bodies , they quietly gave each other hand signals to get ready, surreptitiously handed each other crude weapons they'd formed from what little they were able to scavenge and hide. Now all they needed was the right opportunity. Angel saw one of the guards head impatiently toward Q-tip, who had fallen with a cry and was having problems rising, trying to conceal his agony. Q-tip stood up slowly, and Angel watched as the gook yelled at him. Not looking at the other men, Q-tip coughed a signal ((Going to take mine out, be alert, follow my lead)) and Angel silently cursed him and prayed for him at the same time. Suddenly he saw Q-tip fling something in the guard's face, head butt him with all the effort he had left, and the guard went down in confusion, not expecting anything out of the American. Crikey, Angel thought, Q-tip had been feigning! But he'd characteristically given them the break they needed. Men all around sprang into action, and the other guards started firing in panic. Angel saw a barrage of fire hit Q-tip and the American man grunted out once and went down. Angel broke a guard's neck, grabbed the dead man's rifle and filled Q-tip's assailant full of holes. A quick look around showed that they had been cut down to five, with four dead, and two badly wounded. Drummer gave a final gasp, and joined the dead. Angel said a prayer for his soul, grabbed his tags, and shut his eyes. Only Q-tip remained, covered in blood, moaning. Angel bandaged him the best he could to stem off the bleeding, hoisted him up in his arms, and Q-tip screamed. Couldn't be helped. Now came the impossible task of keeping alive in the jungle until help came. If it came. By the time they had gone roughly a mile, Angel could feel Q-tip burning up, and looking like he'd pass out again. Q-tip had been in and out of consciousness, and by sheer determination alone was still alive.

"Crikey! You've made it this far, you can make it a couple more miles. Keep moving."

"He's full of holes, oozing blood, burning up, what do you expect?" Angel snapped angrily.

"Did you see that gook's face before I shot him in the face with his own rifle? He fell open like a rotten kiwi."

"SAR chopper's coming closer, Q-tip. Fried crap! Damn it, no! Don't you die on me Q-tip, the rest of you keep moving."

"No time for complaining now. Time to pray we don't run into any gooks or trip any wires. "

"We made it Angel, we made it, fuck, we actually made it." The men started hugging each other weakly and clapping each other on the back.

"Move! Move! Move! We've got company on our tail and we have to get out of here quick." the chopper pilot yelled over the din of the rotor blades. He started scooping the men in. Angel remained on the ground, gently cradling Q-tip in his arms.

"Got to go back for Andy, can't leave Andy." The moaning was growing weaker, but he still struggled.

"Q-tip, I'm sorry, he's dead, but you'll be dead if we don't get you to hospital soon. Help me lift him. And fuck it, I told you careful, he's got enough metal in him to build you Yanks another chopper."

"Oh God, no, don't, it hurts! NO! NO!" Ed screamed as they lifted him into the harness and into the chopper, followed by Angel, and lifted off. Blessedly he passed out.

You're frozen

Ed sighed heavily, lie back down, laced his hands behind his head, looking at the ceiling.

"Happened a long time ago. Vietnam. I met him first at basic training as a raw airman." Ed smiled a little.

"He must have been almost seven feet tall, African-American, back then the term used was Negro, although some morons on the base made the mistake of calling him nigger. Believe me, they never made that mistake twice. Back then, I was, well, a little reserved, stand-offish. People would pick fights with me, said I gave off a aura of being, what was it now? Holier-than-thou. I guess I was pretty much of an arrogant SOB, business like. All I cared about was getting up there and flying, and making a name for myself. They said I acted like I already wore four stars, and gave me the cold shoulder. Got pretty lonely sometimes. But I digress. Anyway, I would get challenged a lot on the rare occasions we were on R & R, and naturally I would accept challenges with guys that were twice my size in weight, and height. I could outshoot the lot of them, but fighting them, well..." Ed chuckled. Lily winced. Ed nodded. "One day I was at mess, at my usual table alone, and this colossal person slides up to me and asks me, "What is it with you, Straker? You at war with half the guys in your unit and you ain't out of basic training yet. They tell me you're a snob, think you are General material. You got something about a nigger sitting with you, too?" Compared to me, he looked like an armoured tank on two legs. I told him no, sit, that I didn't think much of people with attitudes about racial makeup like that, and he sits next to me, and well, we got to be wonderful friends. That was Andy. Since we paired off, I could walk around not worrying that someone was going to beat me up simply because they could. They all knew that if they laid a hand on me, Andy would beat them up into a pulp. Even some of the staff who trained us were scared of him!" Ed grinned. "I was thinner back then than I am now, fast but not all that strong yet and Andy said I looked like a Q-tip. I called him Tank."

Lily chuckled. "It is hard to believe you could ever be thinner than you are now, Edward. You already look like you would blow away in a powerful wind."

Ed shrugged. "Just genes, I guess. The nicknames stuck, though, and when I completed basic training, and went off to complete the rest of the training I needed, Andy followed me around a while, but eventually lost touch with me. Years later, he was sent to Vietnam and since I had volunteered, we met up there. It was so wonderful to see him again."

"We were flying together on a reconnaissance mission, in a RF4-C, only the intelligence details they'd given us in the briefing back at Thailand turned out not to be all that accurate. Wasn't the milk run we'd counted upon. We weren't really expecting trouble, but it found us. We were flying low, I made one pass, and caught anti-aircraft fire in one wing tank, started losing fuel. I jettisoned both tanks, even though it occurred to me we might never get back to base. I was discussing our odds with Andy when seconds after that, more fire, I lost one engine, and that settled that. I sent in my mayday to search and rescue and we ejected. We both landed okay, luckily we found each other after a brief transmission on the survival radio, got together by sheer luck, few bruises and scrapes, he was pretty shook up, never saw him like that, you know? Never figured a guy his size could get scared. Now he'd become dependent on me. Roles were reversed. Of course, we'd both gone through jungle survival training, and we hid our equipment, followed procedure, and at the back of our heads was the thought that we might be caught and tortured. Turned out we were right."

"Yeah, we were caught all right. Shuffled around, finally wound up in some temporary camp in South Vietnam. God knows where. Only a bunch of guys plotted to escape, I lent them a hand, got hit, they took me with them and saved my sorry ass but Andy, well, he didn't--"

Ed's face contorted with sorrow. He jumped up, as if he was being pursued by his own nightmares, grabbed his pyjamas, pulled them on, and reached for his robe.

"Lily, you know anything about the code of conduct? No? Doesn't matter. Well, I followed it to the letter. Andy didn't always, which didn't go over with the rest of the men too well, so he got better treatment than most. When they couldn't get anything out of me, they dragged us out. Lily, please? I can't, I don't want to remember anymore. Let's talk about something else, okay?" Ed attempted to smile but didn't even come close. He was wringing his hands again, as if to purge them from some stain only he could see.

"How the hell can you say you know what it is like?" snapped Ed, tying his sash so tight it was practically cutting off his circulation. "You don't even like the military. You know? You THINK you know! I saw them blow his head open, Lily. I couldn't stop it, I couldn't do anything, I refused to violate the damn code of conduct! His blood and brain matter spattered all over me. I was supposed to be next. I wanted to be next! I'd finally given up. I couldn't stand any more torture, listening to the screams of the rest of the men when it came their turn. Only they never shot me. They never shot me!" Ed pounded the wall, and turned his back on her.

Now there's no point in placing the blame
And you should know I'd suffer the same
If I lose you, my heart would be broken

His shoulders were shaking. She got up and slowly approached him. He saw her coming and backed away.

Lily just put her hand out to him, palm open, and waited. Hesitatingly, he took it, still shaking.

"I'm sorry, " Ed whispered tearfully. "I had no right to do that. Being cooped up like this, having to deal with that film, is bringing back memories I don't want to deal with. I'm on edge. Will you forgive me for striking out at you like that?"

"You said that what happened to Petunia's grandson was not my fault. That it was something I could do nothing about. And now you are continuing to punish yourself for not dying with your friend, for doing your duty. Doing what you believed in." Lily stroked his hair a moment, then, as gently as she could, brushed aside his tears.

"I haven't shed tears in front of someone for so long. I've never talked about any of this. I am beginning to think Alec is right, you have bewitched me."

"You are so wrong, my Edward, my sweet Edward. It is you who has bewitched me. And now you must do something for me."

"Have you ever been to Washington, in the United States?" Lily asked in a grave manner.

"Hmm? Yes. Several times, why? You want me to take you to see the White House or something?" Ed softly chuckled. Lily was serious. "Oh oh." Ed said. "What now?"

"That place, for the dead. The memorial. The Wall. You can go and make your peace with your friend. That way you will heal."

Ed went absolutely white, and then moved away from her, and flopped down on the edge of the bed. He shook his head once in a firm manner.

"Even if I wanted to go and pay my respects, I couldn't. I don't have time to fly off to the States and--what are you doing, Lily?"

"Looking for your suitcase. The weather will change sooner or later and we will go together."

"Oooh, real leather. I love the smell of leather. So what is the weather like? I have never been to the United States, it will be fascinating! What shall I pack for you? "

"Your uniform? You have a uniform?" Lily had found a gold box and had opened it, pushing away the tissue. " What are all these medals and ribbons?"

"You are a General? Alec did not tell me you were a general!" Lily opened a presentation box that held Ed's medals.

Ed fell backwards dramatically onto the bed, exasperated. He pinched the bridge of his nose.

Lily dragged the uniform out of the box and lay it on the prone SHADO commander in the exact manner a little girl would put an new outfit on a paper doll. Ed looked at her, not quite believing what he was seeing. Ed Straker as her human Ken doll was a new concept for him.

"You are IMPOSSIBLE!" Ed bellowed at her. "Don't mess around with that, for heaven's sake, those are my dress blues!."

"You will wear it to this wall?" Lily stroked the uniform happily as if it was a favourite pet.

"You don't like war, remember? You don't like military men. What did I ever do to deserve having you barge into my life like an infantry troop taking an island? You're a curse!"

Lily laughed, pleased with herself. The phone rang. Ed jumped up gratefully, grabbed his robe, yanked it on, and answered.

Lily had followed Ed, picking up the uniform and medal boxes and laughed merrily at him.

"HERE. Enjoy the conversation, it's the last you'll ever have with him, I'm killing you both as soon as possible. It's a mere question of inventing a good alibi after I bury your bodies."

"It will not work, the police will trace the mayonnaise to you, my Edward. Alec! Hello! Doesn't he sound wonderfully grumpy?" Lily settled on the couch in a yoga position Ed had never been able to quite manage.

"Hiya Lily, you're good medicine for him. He's been having a really rough month emotionally. So why is he on the verge of insanity this time?"

"LILY MARSH." Ed's fury would normally strip years off a person's life expectancy, but Lily just scowled at him in the manner you'd use on a two year old..

Ed dropped on the couch beside Lily, buried his head in his hands and moaned. Lily reached over and patted his head, and he looked at her with the desperation of a man who had been flattened by a steamroller.

"Doesn't have very good breeding, our Ed," Alec sniggered. "Look, I didn't want to bother you, was just on my way home and thought I'd see how he was. They're beginning to allow some traffic on the road he takes here, and I was going to offer to treat you both to dinner and drinks, well drinks for us anyway. I can come pick you up, how does that sound? You can tell me why you're going to Washington then."

"Alec, my adorable Alec, that would be wonderful, I am famished. I will get Ed ready. I want to talk to you anyway."

"WHAT? WAIT! Don't hang up. Oh, that's right Straker, you forgot that obviously she doesn't know the meaning of don't," Ed said, huffy. " So what is in store for me now?"

"Alec says he is coming to take us to dinner. " Lily watched him, trying not to burst into laughter at his antics.

"He says they are now allowing cars. Get dressed my Edward. Or shall I dress you? Do you need help?" Lily asked seductively, nibbling on his ear.

"Do I need help? Do I need HELP? No thanks, I was thinking of ending it all by plunging myself upon the mayonnaise knife."

"Gosh, I don't know, maybe the brown outfit you ruined? That ought to make an good impression." Ed concluded sourly. Lily laughed.

"Brown isn't your colour anyway, my sweet." Lily declared wisely, still looking through his wardrobe for something she deemed suitable.

"Oh yes I know, you are going to kill me. At least use the althame, it is more dignified a death to die that way than for you to use the mayonnaise knife on me--what is it, Edward?" Lily said in alarm, finally turning and seeing his lips press together hard.

Lily's expression turned solemn. That was not an admission she'd been prepared for, although it didn't surprise her. "I know. I am too."

"I'm so scared. I'm terrified." Ed said, pale. She reached for him and held him tightly against her.

"I'm so scared." Ed's voice finally broke. He shut his eyes and squeezed her hand, his face buried in her hair, and cried gently, shuddering. The tears ran down his skin, like the raindrops cascading against the windows.

Love is a bird, she needs to fly
Let all the hurt inside you die
You're frozen when your heart's not open

"Oooh! I cannot believe it, we are going to go on the Concorde!" Lily said happily, packing her suitcase. Ed was wandering around her house nervously after making several phone calls. The two of them had stayed overnight at Lily's.

"Hmmm?" Ed called from the other room. " Oh. Yes. Hurry up, will you, we only have a couple of hours before she leaves. Thank God the weather is looking better. It's about time. " Ed came into the bedroom where Lily was shoving half of what she owned into her suitcase, still in her robe after showering and doing her makeup. Ed smiled, and looked over at her waterbed and cringed. They'd made love for the third time in it at her insistence, and it hadn't been a experience Ed wanted to repeat. It had been like being shipwrecked off the Titanic. However, the rest of the house was impressive, Lily had gotten most of Petunia's things out of storage, and the result was a lovely, comfortable English house. Ed resolved to explore it at leisure when he came back. Ed swallowed. I won't think about Washington, not yet. Just another trip across the Atlantic, nothing more.

Ed had packed and then gone with Lily to her house after Alec had dropped the two of them off after dinner. Alec hadn't been all that keen on Ed going without him, but not unexpectedly, Ed had reminded him meaningfully someone needed to stay at the studio. Besides, Ed had insisted, he would be back by Tuesday at the latest. They'd take the Concorde from Heathrow to JFK in New York, and from New York would charter a Lear so that Ed would fly them the rest of the way to Washington, DC. Ed had made a few phone calls and spread his weight around to get Lily a visa and passport in a hurry. Being head of SHADO came with some privileges. Alec had insisted on at least driving them to the airport. He honked his horn, waiting outside. Ed grinned at the sound. Alec was taking the taxi driver role seriously.

"Lily, we'll be in Washington no more than two days or so. You won't need all that."

"I must find my camera!" Lily exclaimed, frustrated. Ed calmly picked up the camera, which was right next to her, and dangled it from its strap in front of her. Lily laughed, he handed it to her, and she kissed him. "You are so wonderful! I promise you that I will repay you for my tickets! I am so thrilled!"

"Repay me?" Ed chuckled. "Lily, you couldn't ever pay me back on your meagre salary. I just charged roughly 20 thousand dollars or so for our tickets."

"Don't worry, I can handle the cost easily. I have nothing better to spend my money on, anyway. I won't even go into what chartering a Lear jet is going to cost me. Can't justify this trip as a business expense, but my executive account comes in handy. Haven't flown a jet for a while now, actually. Hope you'll trust me."

"Oh how I wish Petunia could have come with us. I know she is watching, and will keep us safe. You feel her presence too, don't you, Ed?" Lily said, grabbing her clothes.

Ed, who had arrived and spent the night there with the unmistakable feeling of being watched and looked after, lied firmly. "No." He sauntered into the living room, peering dubiously at her ceremonial altar, and sniffing the array of candles and incense there.

"I'm leaving without you, Lily." he shouted after a moment of examining a statue of a Goddess.

"I am coming! I am coming! Horrid man!" Lily was attractively dressed in a light pink sweater set and black slacks, her usual array of pendants, and black heels, with her macrame tote under one arm. She carried a faux leopard coat and her suitcase. "Help me with this, I cannot fasten the buttons, I am shaking too much. What?"

"That animal die of old age?" Ed remarked chuckling, looking at the coat, and taking her suitcase from her. Ed himself was in an immaculately tailored Aquascutum navy blue suit with a blue pinstriped shirt and maroon tie.

"Horrid man! It isn't real." Lily laughed at him. "Goddess, you look so collected and absolutely sexy and gorgeous, and I look terrible!"

"We'll get your coat on when we get there, and you more certainly do not look terrible. You look splendid. Hmmm. You smell splendid too."

"Do I? That is my perfume. Shalimar. Maybe we should forget the trip for now and go back to the waterbed?" Lily asked hopefully, playing with his tie. Ed shook his head, stepped away from her reluctantly and rolled his eyes. "Come on, the trip was your idea. Come on!"

Mmm-mm-mm... If I could melt your heart..
mm-mmmm-- We'd never be apart Mmm-mm-mm...

"Oh Edward, this plane is fabulous! Why do you insist on just sitting there tapping away at the silly computer? Why do you not explore it? Why do you not have more of these delicious strawberries dipped in chocolate? Why can't you have at least one glass of champagne? "

Lily appeared, dropped happily into the seat next to Ed, and he removed the bifocals he reluctantly used for reading, and stared at her.

"You remind me of a five year old with all your questions. I have been aboard this plane several times before, I've even flown one. So exploring it has zero appeal for me. I prefer my fresh strawberries without chocolate, and I told you, I don't drink. As for my laptop, I am securing our hotel suite at the Four Seasons, and making sure that we have a Lear jet fuelled and ready for me when we land. Does that answer all your questions?" Ed inquired curtly.

"My sincere apologies for disappointing you, Miss Marsh." Ed slipped back on his glasses, studied the screen, and went back to his typing.

She sighed. Just before they had boarded the plane, Alec had taken her aside privately, ignoring Ed's impatience to be off, and looked at her seriously.

"Lily, Ed Straker's welfare is damn important to me. I can't say I like the idea of you pushing him into this trip. There's no way of knowing how rough it's going to be on him, or if it will damage his emotional stability further. And the closer he gets to having to finally deal with what happened , the more he's going to close off. And the more he closes off, the harder it's going to be for you to support him. Now I know you've gotten under his skin. I can tell by the way his eyes follow you around. And I know you think you're doing what's best for him. Maybe so. But I just pray you know how important this trip is going to be. If I find out that anything you did to him hurt him in any way imaginable, you better stay far away from me, because I don't take lightly to anything or anyone that hurts or injures him. This better not turn out just to be another game of conquest to you. Ed's sick. Sick from everything you revealed to me in the restaurant when Ed went to the loo. I hope you understand just how sick he is. He suffers from what we used to call shell shock back when I was a fighter pilot. They call it post traumatic stress disorder now. You know what that is?"

"I know. It is why I hate war, what it does to human beings. Maybe you don't understand something, Alec. I love him. I have seen how fragile he is, how much he needs to be loved. I have seen the loneliness in him, the emptiness. Sometimes even when he laughs, it is there, under the surface. You are not the only one who loves him, Alec. Do you not remember I was there when he died, and witnessed your grief? I know what it would do to you if he were somehow hurt again. Alec, you'll just have to trust me, trust that I can help him get through this. But I must do it in my own way, be there for him, comfort him. Alec, I have given my body to a lot of men, sometimes for their pleasure, sometimes for mine. It meant nothing, you understand? Just sex. But until I opened myself to Edward, I never gave anyone my heart. I will not turn my back on him now." Lily bit her lip. "He must not see me crying like this, he must not see me afraid and upset. I need to be my strongest for him."

"You're as bad as he is, " Alec smiled. "You two put up such a good tough front. Inside the both of you are all cotton candy."

"You have my private number if anything should go wrong. Plus I'll call you at the hotel. Okay, I better let you two go before Ed pops an artery. Take care of him for me, Lily. I'm depending on you." Alec leaned in, and gave Lily a kiss, and then left.

"What are you thinking about, Lily?" Ed inquired softly, settling back in his seat. His reverberant voice stirred her out from her memories.

"I am thinking I will buy my adorable Alec several dirty postcards." Lily lied. She popped another strawberry in her mouth.

"You aren't going to have that much time for souvenirs, Lily." Ed gave a thin smile.

"You are so horrid. My first time in America and you will not let me shop? You are truly a wicked man."

"So I've been told." He glanced at his Certina watch. "Two more hours. You want me to order you some more strawberries? You seem to be putting them away pretty fast." Ed observed.

"I am nervous, and that makes me eat. Why have you not ordered anything? You missed breakfast, and soon it will be lunch. You cannot live on only your coffee, my Edward. You are way too thin. You will get sick."

"I'm just not hungry. Lots on my mind. Too thin, huh? Anything else you don't approve of?"

"You are nervous, so you do not eat. I am going to order you something. Where is that pretty young stewardess, the one that looked at you like she wanted to devour you? I wanted to trip her."

"Why, Lily, I would have never expected you to be jealous," he said with amusement. He studied the menu. "All right, if it makes you happy, I'll try some shrimp salad." Ed pressed a button on a panel next to him and a soft chime sounded, summoning the wait staff.

"Good. But if that stewardess comes near you again, I will throw her off of the airplane!"

"You scare me sometimes, you know that? I believe you would throw her off the plane." Ed smiled and took Lily's hand and kissed it. The stewardess came, Ed placed an order, desperately trying not to chuckle at poisonous glances Lily was giving her, and then when she left, Ed turned the laptop screen toward Lily. "Look. This is where we're going to be staying once I touch down in Washington. Ever stay in a five star hotel, Miss Marsh?"

"It's a executive suite. I always prefer to have lots of room whenever I travel." Ed couldn't help but enjoy her excitement. I've forgotten what my universe must seem like to an outsider, Ed mused, smiling slightly. He closed the site and powered down the laptop and set it aside. "Well, everything is ready. I must say all this is a new experience for me. Usually Miss Ealand, my executive assistant, makes all my travel arrangements for me. On this personal trip, I'm forced to fend for myself. " Ed sighed pitifully, then chuckled.

"Oh Gosh yes, yes, deliriously so. Yes, yes, I can hardly stand to be without her. Absolutely breathtaking, that Miss Ealand. I make sure she sits in my lap all the time to take dictation," Ed added, hoping he sounded convincing. Judging from Lily's mounting misery, he had.

"I see. With that damn althame of yours, or the mayonnaise knife?" Ed inquired, mildly interested.

Lily laughed. "The althame is too good for her. I will use the mayonnaise knife."

If I lose you, my heart would be broken

Ed Straker stood on the balcony in robe and pyjamas, letting the chilly Washington breeze toy with his hair, as he stared into space. Lily had protested when he had given her a generous roll of cash and insisted to her he desired some hours alone before they started out for the monument in mid-morning, and let her go off in the limousine that had been assigned to him. Ed sighed. Alec had rung him and he'd assured Alec that he was fine, looking forward to putting some closure on the incident. Neither man believed the lie. He shoved his hands into the pockets of the robe, went back into the suite, and sat down in a armchair, feeling unwell, and missing Lily. She had been so excited on the jet he'd piloted to Washington, and hadn't been sick once. Ed knew soon he'd lose her companionship, and it depressed him. After a while, he closed his eyes. He drifted off to sleep. The telephone started to ring, but it failed to rouse him.

Lily sat in the back of the limousine, staring sadly out the window, listening to the phone ring, trying to reach Ed. No answer, nothing. Lily sighed softly, and dropped the offending phone back into her bag. Why did I ever let him talk me into leaving? Now something terrible has happened! I will lose him.

"I'm really sorry about this traffic, Mrs. Straker." The limousine driver was saying. " Some international bigwig attending some function, so cops momentarily blocked traffic. Should clear up in a few minutes. Happens a lot in this city. Why don't you help yourself to a good stiff drink, you'll feel better."

"What did you call me?" Lily asked the driver, bewildered now. "My name is Marsh!"

"Maam, I'm sorry if I --well, Harlington-Straker account and all, and Mr. Straker is a fairly regular--I thought you were his wife. Girlfriend, maybe?" The driver admitted, uneasy now. Upsetting customers meant kissing your tip goodbye.

"I am not. I am nothing. I am nobody. I don't deserve to even be with him." she said tearfully.

You're frozen

"They're going to kill me Eddie, the gooks are going to kill me, Eddie! Don't let them, oh fucking shit, Eddie--tell them, Eddie! Tell them whatever the fuck they want to know! Just don't let them kill me! Fuck the damn rules! Jesus, Eddie! I don't want to die! I don't want to die!"

"Edward Straker, Major, United States Air Force, serial number UHH!" he grunted as one of the guards pounded him across his back, which was already mottled from several previous beatings.

"Tank. It'll be okay. Everything will be okay." Ed lied wearily, the torture had left him so weak he could hardly stand. Imprisoned in a bamboo cell for what? Days? Weeks? Months? Years? Being shuffled from one place to another so they wouldn't be spotted, watching his colleagues die one after the other like flies, being beaten because he shared food, or refused to bow, or purely because he was an American, or because he refused orders, being treated with no more consideration than the vermin that had infested everything, even his own body.

"Article Two of the United States Military Code of Conduct-" Ed intoned from memory.

He shook his head silently. The AK-47 blasted, Andy's head exploded and the blood and brain matter splattered him. Ed wailed, sickened. He fell to his knees. Angel was singing the Star Spangled Banner now. He raised his head and met the eyes of the Vietnamese soldier who had killed his friend. He was next. It would be all over soon. He forced himself to stand. He'd die like a officer. The few others who had survived were singing, in spite of the other guard shouting at them to stop, threatening them and cracking a rifle across Angel's shoulders. Angel spat at the guards and went on singing. It all ends here, here in this godforsaken place. Let it end, then. Let it end. No falling in love, marrying, fathering sons. Goodbye, Mother.

Then they were in the RF4C, and Ed was humming, and listening to Andy's complaining over the headset. They still had some minutes to go before they got over the target area. Ed was proud, the CO at camp had told him he was getting a promotion to lieutenant colonel soon after privately informing him that a man with his impressive abilities needed his head examined for even volunteering for Nam in the first place. He had also told him a General named Henderson was interested in him.

"Why are you muttering to yourself back there, Tank? Sit back and enjoy the ride."

"Enjoy the ride? I do all the work back here while all you do is warm your ass and fly the damn bird. Where'd you get your wings from anyway, Q-tip? Find them in a cracker jack box? You're flying too low. Bring the nose up! No! Bring the nose down."

"Let me get this straight, you're telling me how to fly? I was flying everything that could get off the ground back before you were weaned from your mama!" Ed cracked, with an wide grin.

"Lay off my mama, you lousy Bostonian snob. When we get over the area I want you to skim the trees, fly real low so that we can get some nice clear shots for the brass, and maybe they'll send me home early, or hang a medal on me. The girlies like guys with medals. Somebody ought to give me some kind of medal for flying with an empty-headed brass ass kisser like you, you're flying like a damn raw amateur, Eddie boy."

"You want me to fly low? Okayyyyyyy, I've got it now. Like this?" Ed performed an 180 degree snap roll to the right and inverted, so that they were upside down.

"You fucking moron! Is this how you managed to bag that silver oak leaf coming in a couple of weeks? From stunt flying? Get this plane back up! Get up!" Andy laughed.

"Sir! Yes sir, Captain Bell, Sir!" Ed said, and then things turned black again, the sky flashed by him, and he hit the jungle, terrified. They had stripped him and were beating him. It stopped, they dragged him to his cell. Someone was there, foul smelling, but he was too afraid to look.

"You let me die, you fucker. You're alive, you and your precious code of conduct, you and your dreams of space, you and your fucking ambition. You let me die. You let that bastard shoot me. You and your SHADO. You and your Air Force. You had to be a hero. You let me die. You let Johnny die, your own son, you no good son of a bitch! "

"Please, no, I had to, don't you see I had to? I had my duty, I had my orders, please."

"Look at me, Eddie. Look at me. I haven't got a head. My brains are all coming out, look at me. You said we were buddies, you said everything was going to be okay. Look at me."

Ed lifted his head, shuddering, and saw Andy, his body a mass of feeding maggots, no longer recognisable and Ed gave a high animal-like keen.

"You're still alive. I'm dead. Why are you still alive? I'm dead. Your son is dead. It's your fault. Why are you still alive? I'm going to kill you Eddie. I'm going to make sure you know what it's like to die."

Hands reached down and pushed Ed into the rice paddy, clamped down over his nose and face, and Ed screamed, but no sound came out, and the mud turned to bamboo walls, and the walls pressed down upon him, squeezed the life from him, severed his bones. Let me die, why didn't I die, please let me die, let me die-let me die-

"EDWARD!" Lily shook him, and he screamed. "Edward, it is me, it is all right it is me!"

"Don't let him hurt me! Don't let him hurt me!" he pointed at Andy. But nobody was there. Ed's face turned white, and he pushed her aside, jumped up and ran into the bathroom, locked it. She heard him choking, retching violently. Lily pounded on the bathroom door.

"EDWARD! Let me in this minute! I mean it! I will kick this door down, I swear!"

Lily heard the flush of the toilet, water being turned on, and then the click of the latch. Ed came out.

"Don't look at me like that, I'm okay, our sumptuous dinner just didn't agree with me." Ed looked and felt horrible, made a weak attempt to appear collected, but Lily stared at him, fiery.

"We are going! This minute! We are packing! No Wall! No Washington! No United States! No more!"

Lily began to cry, and Ed gawked. "Oh Lily, stop, that's the last thing I need right now. Stop it , tell me what's wrong. Lily, please."

"I left you, this is all my fault, I should not have brought you here, this is all my fault."

"Lily, I'd be forever in your debt if you brought me a glass of iced water, my throat feels awful." Ed sighed.

"I am going away, I will never interfere in your life again, I am only bringing you unhappiness, this is what I get for interfering, the Goddess has done this to me, I have only-"

From somewhere, Ed got the strength to reach for her and pulled her into his arms.

"That's enough! You're not going anywhere. I don't have the stamina to get through this by myself." Ed groaned. "Lily, please? Can you get me some water? I need to lie down a while."

"I am sorry, yes of course, my poor Edward, you feel so cold. Get under the blankets."

"I stayed out on the balcony too long, didn't have the sense to come in and then when I did, I guess I fell asleep. Lily, promise me. Promise me you won't ever listen to me when I tell you to go?"

"I am getting your water, I will make sure you don't have any more nightmares, I am so selfish, I think only of myself, when you are so ill."

"I'm not quite on the verge of death yet, Lily. " Ed drank down the water gratefully, and handed her the empty glass, and she set it aside. "Oh, God, that was so good. That was the best water I have ever tasted. Lily, come to bed, keep me warm. Hold me a while? I'm tired."

If I lose you, my heart would be broken

Lily yawned, and without opening her eyes she reached sleepily for Edward. No Edward. She sprang up, grabbed her chenille robe and dashed into the sitting room. Edward was sitting , in his dress blues, drinking coffee. She heard herself gasp, just from seeing him like that. Ed looked like some historical wax figure, not a real human being. His military cap was on the couch next to him. The wax figure contemplated her. It broke into a smile.

"Good morning. I was wondering if I should go wake you up. Fresh coffee here, I had them send some up before we go have breakfast. I also inquired as to whether I could get some dirty postcards for Alec. The concierge looked at me in a peculiar way. He said he is working on getting me some." Ed chortled.

"Oh? That's encouraging. I haven't been in my blues for a while. Thought I might not fit in them."

"I'll live. The concierge is also supposed to get me a wreath for Andy. He's being very cooperative. I think my military appearance impressed him. Either that, or it was the generous tip I gave him. Go get showered and dressed, and we'll go down to breakfast. It's going to be a beautiful day."

"I see. Purple chenille robe and nothing else, huh. I'm afraid you'll go without me if that's what you intend to wear. Now go shower. Be quick about it. I intend to be out of Washington by this evening, with or without you."

The door buzzer rang, and Ed jumped up to answer it. Lily sighed, he was all business. He joked, but not from the heart. At least he was looking better than he had last night, she mused, and he did not dream anything bad, or he had not shared it. She went into the bathroom to shower.

When she came out again, dressed in a yellow suit, Ed was examining something he was holding.

"I hope these are suitably dirty for you, Lily. I have a feeling that my sterling reputation in Washington is now down the tubes because of your hankering to provide Alec with dirty postcards. I must say though, some of these are interesting. Attractive redhead in this one here appears to be doing something stimulating but hardly patriotic with Old Glory. Not sure some of these will make it past British customs. At any rate, I have a decent wreath for Andy." Ed pointed to a small floral wreath on the desk. "What do you want for breakfast?"

"Do we have to go downstairs to breakfast? Why can't we have breakfast here in your suite?"

"We can. Why don't I order strawberries dipped in chocolate? I seem to recall you like them." He handed her the postcards.

"I will have whatever you have, Edward. All these terrible women are full of silicone, wear cheap wigs and too much makeup. My adorable Alec will not like them." Lily tore them to pieces and tossed them in the rubbish bin and poured herself some coffee.

"I sacrificed my status in Washington just for you to get them, and you just throw them away?" Ed muttered in astonishment but then he flashed a thin smile. Ed picked up the phone and ordered breakfast. Lily curled up against him, sighing.

"I am sorry I ever made you come here. You do not have to do this. Why can't we just go back to England?" Ed hung up after completing ordering and looked at her.

"You didn't make me come here. If I hadn't wanted to do this, I wouldn't have. This will put some closure on the incident. I can go alone if you don't want to accompany me. "

"Do not be silly. I learned my lesson yesterday. I am not leaving you again." Lily scolded.

Lily watched as Ed saluted a group of veterans who had saluted him in unison. When they had filed past, she clung to his arm, anxious, not wanting to look at the names that seemed to continue on forever. His eyes were hidden by gold rimmed aviator sunglasses, but she knew he was suffering. It was coming off him in waves.

"Not now, Lily. Not now." Ed answered, agitated, his face drawn, his expression darker than the engraved walls surrounding him. He closed his fingers closer around the floral wreath he carried.

"I told you. You didn't. Oh God. God. There. There. Do you see it? Can you see it?" Ed asked in an nearly inaudible tone. He froze, and took her hand. "There." Ed echoed softly. "Andrew Bell."

"Some people are making rubbings, do you want to do that, Edward?" Lily asked, not knowing what to do, how to comfort him.

Ed no longer heard her. He stared up at the name, touched the carved letters, took a deep breath. Lily stroked his free hand, but it was like stroking stone. Frozen stone. The first tear moved slowly down his face. He pulled away from her.

"My name-" she heard him say, and she had to strain to even make out what he'd said. He took off his sunglasses, slipped them into a pocket. His face was bloodless.

"My name. I've been looking. My name should be here. My name isn't here. They were taking us out and shooting us at random so that they wouldn't have to share food with all of us. They were executing men at random. Good, brave men. Don't you see, Lily? My name should be here. Instead, I'm alive and Tank is dead. Tank and Drummer and Penguin and Novak and Jarvis and names I never learned. All dead. Men known to me only from clicking, clicking in the tap code, coughing, anyway they could communicate to me and keep the guards from knowing it. All here, somewhere. All gone. All dead, and all that remains is a series of names. My name isn't here. Why, Lily? " Ed's shoulders sagged, and he dropped the wreath, buried his face in his hands but didn't make a sound.

Lily went and picked up the wreath and placed it at the foot of the wall where the name Andrew Bell was carved. She whispered a prayer to the Goddess to have mercy on his soul. She looked back, and Ed was swallowing down sobs.

"Am I ever going to not hear his voice, Lily? Begging me? Screaming? Yes, all right, I'll sit. Let go of me. I'll sit. I'll sit."

Ed replaced his sunglasses after wiping away his tears awkwardly with the back of his hand. She guided him to a bench. It was like showing a lost frightened child the way back to its mother. Ed sat next to her, not saying a word. Some people looked in their direction, some saluted, some broke into tears, lost in their own grief, some children played, blissfully unaware of what was happening. Parents grieved for their children. Seemingly strong men wept as they came upon remembered names, some of them making their way past the Wall on crutches or in wheelchairs. Some without arms, some without legs. Lily looked to see how it was affecting Edward.

Ed's hands were perfectly folded in an outward appearance of tranquillity. His body seemed relaxed. She held onto his arm tightly, knowing it was only appearance. After a while, Lily's attention was gradually drawn to a couple that had stopped nearby. The gentleman, in an cleric's outfit with several badges and ribbons pinned to it, spoke quietly to his conservatively dressed wife, in her tweeds and pearls and she smiled down lovingly at him. Lily couldn't hear what the man was saying. Suddenly she heard the man start to sing. He sounded as if he was from New Zealand , or Australia. Lily did not recognise the song. He had quite a beautiful voice, even though he seemed much older than Edward. She looked up at Edward. He'd gone rigid, then started shaking. For a frightening moment she believed he was having some kind of convulsion.

Edward stood up, and crossed over to the couple, and she was barely able to hold onto his arm. The man didn't see him, but the woman did, and looked apprehensive.

"Has my husband done something out of turn? We are Australian, you understand, and he wished to honour some Americans who were in a prisoner of war camp--" the woman began. She stopped. She'd seen her husband's face light up.

"I cannot believe it. I cannot believe it." Her husband reached out to touch Ed's name plate, as Lily looked on, not understanding. "Straker. God be praised. It's Straker, isn't it. The one called Q-tip. And you still look it, piece of cotton on a stick. Thin as the devil's alibi, you were, and are still. My God, son, you're alive. God be praised." The man held Ed's hand, patting it.

"Not called that anymore, Edward, son. Just Stanley now. Minister of my church. No more missions. No more campaigns. God be praised. You've no idea how many times I tried to find out what had happened to you after they took you to the base hospital. I knew only that you'd survived through several surgeries, and were sent home to America. You look wonderful in this old man's eyes. Well, listen to us. Just a couple of old war dogs, sniffing each other out. This is my wife, Frances, and is this lovely lady your wife?"

"No. Just a--companion. This is Lily Marsh. Lily, this is Stanley Brisby. We knew him as Angel. He saved my life."

"And a pleasure it was to do it. I've never yet met a man who had half Ed's will power and determination. And to think we didn't trust him in the beginning."

"Why don't we all go for tea, and get reacquainted? It is lovely to find friends in an unfamiliar land, isn't it? When Stanley told me we were having a holiday in the United States, I nearly fainted. Oh, you will come with us, won't you?" Frances smiled at Ed.

"We would just love to have tea with you!" Lily interjected, earning a unpleasant look from Ed. She batted her eyelashes at him, and he sighed.

"Tea it is." Ed said, in the tone of someone getting used to losing more battles than he won.

"I know that it isn't what you want to hear, Ed. But Drummer had no reason to lie and say something that wasn't true." Stanley reminded him.

"Do you have any idea what you're saying? You're saying that my friend sold all of us out. That he sold me out. He'd never do such a thing." Ed stared at Stanley. Lily bit her lip, looked down at her muffin. Beside her, Frances was in tears.

"You know Drummer spoke and understood the language some, liked languages, and so he was our source, only way we could get some idea of what the soldiers were planning. We all remember when you were brought in with your friend, and I remember how different you seemed from him, like night and day it was. You carried yourself proud. But we began to suspect the enemy was using you, using him to find out things about us, leak out things about us. Drummer thought the both of you were traitors. He warned us to be cautious. But then he found out your friend had not only sold out the rest of us, but he'd told them critical things about you." Stanley said quietly.

"Andy would have never done that!" Ed shouted angrily, slamming the mug down. Lily, beside him, squeezed his hand. She knew truth when she heard it.

"For God's sake, he was afraid so he did what they wanted! He was only trying to survive! The way I was! The way everyone was! Weren't you?"

"Ed, why do you think they kept you alive? Because he had told them you had astronaut training, might know aerospace technology secrets. You were his ace in the hole until they had no more use for him. "

---we know who you are, Major--we know you were expected to get a promotion soon--we know that you must know secrets--of your American aerospace---the beatings will stop when you cooperate, tell us all you know--you must be thirsty--hungry---tired-- we have cool water--rice, chicken--a warm bed-- medicine to take the pain away--we are your friends, Major--there is no point in denying--do not be foolish--your friend Captain Bell --is wise--he has told us everything

"No. No. I refuse to believe it," Ed said weakly, pinching the bridge of his nose. "Andy wouldn't have, no." He fiercely shut out the memories that were flooding his brain.

"Drummer heard them interrogating you, and he said you never said a thing, just kept repeating the code of conduct. He said he could hear you screaming when they tied back your limbs with the ropes, the way they'd done it to him. He then knew you were one of us, you hadn't given in to them. He held you in awe. Ed, I'm really sorry. I know your friend just wanted to survive. But he didn't even try to resist them, son. You knew that. He didn't communicate with us, didn't follow my orders, didn't share food. You did."

"He didn't understand what it meant to be an officer. What it means to serve your country, to value freedom, to stand up for what you believe in, to trust in God. " Stanley said quietly. "Any man can wear the uniform, but few fit into it. You do, Ed, son. You did then, you do now. You shine brighter than those stars you're now wearing. And you're alive. God be praised."

"All these years. All these years I felt like I had turned my back on him, gotten him killed, put my training and responsibility first. Now you're telling me they were torturing me because of things he told them." Ed looked at the table, stunned.

"We don't think they even laid a hand on him, son. They considered him too valuable a tool. In the rare times Drummer was able to see him through the bars of his cell, he didn't have a mark on his body. We all understood what was going on. Drummer said if he'd gotten the chance, he would have shot him if the gooks hadn't, because he was a traitor. Drummer said when they finally killed him, he felt safe for the first time since the both of you had been brought in. He said that eventually they'd kill you or break you, and that a man of your distinction deserved a chance at getting home. "

"He tapped to me once, while I was in solitary, got through to me when I was half crazed from being beaten and locked up. He said he knew I hadn't said anything to them, and that a man of my distinction deserved a chance at getting home. He told me his name, how his parents had picked it out of some book, and how much he hated it." Ed chuckled softly. " He told me about his wife, back in New Zealand, about how much he missed her. He said she had christened him Drummer, because he had the habit of drumming his fingers on everything. He told me to hang on." Ed looked sadly at Stanley. "He was shot the day we escaped, wasn't he? "

"All this time, I knew. I just couldn't remember. I didn't want to remember." Ed began to think back again.

--Like you did, Andy? The way you did? You make me sick. You make me ashamed to know you. Nobody else knew all those details about my background except you. You sold me out. You sold your country out. You sold everyone out. I can't help you anymore. Nobody can help you anymore. Doesn't matter. They're going to kill us both now. You know what the worst part is? I'm going to die here in this Godforsaken jungle, and the last thing I'm going to take with me is knowing that I was betrayed by a man I trusted.

--Jesus, Eddie! I just wasn't like you are! I don't want to die! Fuck the damn rules! You're my CO, you know more about the missions than I do, tell them!

"And we're glad of it, Ed. God be praised." Stanley smiled, patting Ed's hand. Ed looked sad for a moment.

"I was just thinking of Quentin's wife. I don't even know her name. I wish I could tell her how much I owed to him, to Stanley, to all the men that helped save my sanity. She ought to know what breed of man he was, how much he loved her."

"She does, Ed. She knows. I made it my business to find her and tell her." Stanley smiled.

"Ed, Stanley knows what he is talking about. Because, you see, my last name before I fell in love with Stanley and accepted his proposal of marriage was Cross. Quentin was my husband."

"Now what are you complaining about?" Ed put down a mystery paperback he'd been immersed in, slipped off his bifocals and looked at Lily. They were in a taxi and heading away from Heathrow airport, back to Ed's flat to meet Alec.

"You keep asking me that. I told you I would. I said you could. My schedule is just going to be hectic, can you understand that? "

"I am worried you will forget about me. I am worried you will not want to see me again." Lily pouted.

"Gosh, why would I want that? Why would I ever not want a woman showing up at my doorstep, eating my food, walking in on me naked, ruining my reputation, slicing up my business suits, taking over my bathtub, and generally screwing up my life?" Ed scratched his head thoughtfully.

"Because she gives him the best sex he ever had? Because she is good for him? Because she makes him laugh? Because she adores him?"

"I get all that free with Miss Ealand." grinned Ed. Lily slapped his hand. Ed yelped, and rubbed his hand, examining it for damage. He wriggled his fingers to make sure they still worked.

"You are so horrid. I do not know why I love you. I would be better off with the adorable Alec."

"If I hear you went off with the adorable Alec, I'll come after the both of you with the mayonnaise knife. Here." Ed pulled his handkerchief out from inside his jacket. He put it in Lily's hand, and kissed her lingeringly. Lily returned the kiss fervently and her mood brightened considerably.

Frozen

You only see what your eyes want to see

How can life be what you want it to be

You're frozen when your heart's not open

You're so consumed with how much you get You waste your time with hate and regret

Let all the hurt inside you die

You're frozen

Now there's no point in placing the blame And you should know I'd suffer the same If I lose you, my heart would be broken

Love is a bird, she needs to fly Let all the hurt inside you die You're frozen when your heart's not open