Broken

By Amelia L. Rodgers
©2005 all rights reserved
not meant to infringe on copyright

"Morning, Ed." Alec said, not surprised to find Ed there, even though it was far earlier than his friend usually reported in for work.

"Uhhmm."

"Working, I see."

"Mmmm."

Alec settled into his customary corner seat, after taking a cigar from Ed's desk. The commander was firmly nestled into his niche as head of Shado, and the snowy blond head was bent over a plastic folder with the Shado insignia on it. The tobacco smell as Alec lit up finally coaxed Ed into slapping the folder angrily down onto his desk.

"What the hell do you think you're doing, Colonel? You quit smoking, remember?"

"What Mir doesn't know won't hurt her."

Ed got up from the chair, took the offending smoking object out of Alec's hand, and snuffed it out in his ashtray.

"No, but it'll hurt you."

"What was that all about?" Alec said indignantly."Keeping my second-in-command healthy." Ed leaned against the desk as he stood in front of it, and picked up the folder again, glowering at it.

"Why do you still keep the damn things on your desk anyway, Mr. Righteous?"

"A matter of self control."

"Oh not that again." moaned Alec.

Ed permitted himself a small smile at that. It faded quicker than a soap bubble.

"This is the financial report for the winter quarter. The commission cut our budget by a full one-fourth What's the matter with Carlin? I sent him in there, he should know better than to let them get away with this."

"Weren't you supposed to take two months' leave after the Between business?"

"I took a week, that's plenty. If I had taken two months, Carlin would just have handed them all our budget on a platter. That man is going back to where he can do some good. The skies. I can see I will have to handle this. Talk about sending a boy to do a man's job-what, Alec?"

"It's good to see you in fine form again."

"What are you doing?"

"Getting myself something to drink.""Have coffee."

"I don't understand you, ever since you got out of that place, you've changed. Besides, why have a drink dispenser in your office anyway? It isn't like you're going to have the aliens over for drinks like I once suggested."

"I told you. It's a matter of personal control, something you don't seem to have ever mastered in all the years we've been together." Ed pointed over to the conference table, where breakfast was laid out. Alec muttered underneath his breath, and picked up the coffee jug.

"Where's yours?" Alec said, pouring himself a cup.

"I'm cutting down on caffeine." Ed's tone seemed to indicate he didn't appreciate that fact.

"Claire on your back?" Alec relished the thought.

"Always, but this is my idea." Ed replied, tossing the folder into the IN box, and joining Alec at the conference table. Ed chose a piece of toast and broke it in half, shoving the piece in his mouth for a bite as if he had a personal grievance with it. In mid chew, his phone rang. Ed grabbed Alec's cup of coffee, took a gulp to help him swallow the hunk of toast down, and then went over swiftly to pick it up. Alec looked at his practically empty cup and grimaced.

Ed's eyes danced at Alec's expression.

"Straker. Yes. Yes, put her on. Yes. Good morning. I see. Well thank you very much, I'll tell Dr. Straker the news. Yes. Thank you. Goodbye." Ed hung up, looked pensive for a moment.

"What is it?" Alec asked, concerned. Ed strolled over to Alec, looked directly at him and broke into a wide smile.

"Congratulate me, Alec, I just became a father."

"Claire's pregnant?"

"No, you idiot. Anne is formally my daughter, they approved the adoption!"

Alec roared and jumped up, and they embraced joyfully, and Alec poured the two men whiskies.

"Oh no you don't." Ed cautioned.

"No cigars and no booze? How is a man supposed to be a man?" Alec whined.

"There are other ways, Alec, or have you grown too old to remember? Oh I see, Mir's on your back," grinned Ed. His telephone rang again. Ed went over and hesitated a moment before picking up the phone. "By the way, Alec, that was my first, and only cup of coffee of the day." Ed grinned at Alec's expression and picked up the phone, suppressing a yawn.

The yawn was encouraging, thought Alec. Ed was still human. Barely. Already at least three operatives, including Ford, had come up to him privately and asked him what the hell had happened to Ed. The commander had been coming in to work earlier than usual, smiling, and even patting operatives on the back and telling them they were doing a fine job. They were dropping like flies into Dr. Millicent Nelson's office from the shock of it alone. Alec had to convince Ford that no, he wasn't being tested, and with any luck, Ed would go back to being the hard, cold bastard that he usually was soon enough. All it would take was one UFO past defences. But so far it hadn't happened. Alec wasn't sure he could handle this new improved Straker, he thought with amusement.

"Straker. Ah, excellent, bring it to my office immediately. Thank you."

"Alien body?"

"I wish. No, this is the complete G-6 report on Daniel Cross aka Daniel Russell aka Daniel Cushing aka Daniel Jones. When I looked at the initial police report, I saw right away that his DNA didn't indicate we were related. I didn't want to deal with it. It came as quite a shock to Mir, too, she believed his stories. Now I question almost everything he said to me."

Alec was about to respond, when the door opened and in came a slim blonde operative, a new addition to Shado.

"Here you are, Sir."

"Thank you, that will be all, Lieutenant."

Ed was eagerly unsealing the plastic folder, when he noticed Alec ogling the woman as she departed through the door. He scowled.

"Some things never change." Ed remarked, settling back in his chair.

"I'm married, not dead. You can't tell me that you don't look at another woman just because you're married to Claire."

"Fine, Alec. I won't tell you. What's all this about anyway?"

"Look at yourself. Sure, you have some new creases, especially after your ordeal in the Between, but you hardly have changed since the first time you walked in here, shut the door, and told me you wanted to tell Mary about Shado. Look at me, I'm as wrinkled as a -what's that dog?"

"A Shar-pei, I believe?" Ed said in amusement. "So this is all about us aging."

"You, no. Me, yeah, and I don't know if I am cut out for this marriage thing. Look what happened with Yetunde."

"Yetunde wasn't the right woman. Miriam is. Alec, all this poor me stuff isn't at all like you. It's a little late for you to get cold feet. Come to think of it, I still don't know why you ran off like that, eloped in Hawaii. We've always been a part of one another's milestones-"

"Really? Then why haven't you told me about what happened in the Between?" Alec shot back."I will when you're ready to hear it. You still don't believe that Perry is a part of it, or that Valiant came back from the dead, or that the bird is very much alive and sings in the Hawthorn tree outside my bedroom window. Until you open your mind to such possibilities, you aren't ready to know what I experienced. Besides, Alec, it's still painful, and it worries me. As time goes on, I have started to forget a lot of it. One thing I am sure of, my father is out there, somewhere." Ed opened the folder and started to read, eyes narrowed.

"Ed, why set yourself up for more disappointment? Why dredge up painful memories?"

"Is that what you're really concerned about, Alec?" came the Commander's response without looking up from the report.

"What's that supposed to mean?" Alec responded in a wounded tone of voice, causing Ed to fix his gaze on him and smile.

"Daniel and my affection for him. You saw him as a threat to our relationship. It still surprises me that you'd think I'd abandon you. Would any potential relationship I had with a father I never knew push you into the background again? God, no, but you're too much of an idiot to know it. You have to have faith in yourself, and your worth to me, and to Miriam. You've found yourself a woman that is a keeper, Alec. Don't let your own self doubt get in the way of your marriage."

"I don't know. I just think sometimes she'd be better off with someone else."

"We'll deal with that nonsense later. This report shows pretty much what I guessed it would. Danny covered up his tracks so well that the G-6 didn't catch much of them. Money can do a lot of good, Alec, but as we both know, it can do a lot of damage. Remember his sob story about my uncle Benjamin having him thrown into gaol for a rape he didn't commit? He committed it all right. He raped a young African-American woman who worked for my family, and she hung herself when she found out she was pregnant by him. More than that, he may have tried the same thing with my mother. Benjamin apparently was going to cover everything up in the spirit of cronynism, but he discovered Danny's real estate properties weren't his to sell, not unlike the fiasco with Perry's castle, so he made sure Danny served hard time. As you'd expect, Lawrence Malone hammered him in court but good. No wonder he tore up my garden. Taking me for all he could get was another way he'd settle the score. It's a shame he's dead, Alec. He must have stolen those mementos of mine from my real father. The identity of my father might have died with him, but I am determined to find out who my father is nevertheless."

"Ed, he has to be at least in his seventies. What if he's dead?"

A shadow crossed Ed's face briefly, then he shook his head firmly. "No. I feel he is out there, waiting. It's up to us to find him, and what happened all those years. I had a vision of my mother in the Between. Yes, Alec, I know that you think I was merely in shock in there, but I saw her. She told me he is out there. I just can't remember everything she said. That being I encountered told me to expect memory loss, so that means I have to act as fast as I can, to keep my instincts going. I've found that my ESP, if you will, is more heightened lately. Perry told me it happens to ordinary people in the Between, especially because I was somewhat sensitive to hunches to begin with. We know Benjamin was sterile, I know now from this report Danny was truthful about that much. I remember something about him having a brother. He left the family, why, I don't know. Rosemary never really talked to me about him. All I have is a birth certificate." Ed opened his cupboard doors, rummaged through some paperwork, and came up with an envelope with a Boston postmark. He took out a faded fax, handled it delicately. "It's pretty unclear, it's from the original birth certificate. Family name is Straker, first name starts with E - then either a V or a W, then it fades. Middle name is Edward. I may have been named after him, which leads me to think I may have a lead if we assume he is my father. I allowed Perry to forwarded the document to a detective that Perry recommended to me. American fellow. Anyway, I have more pressing things to see to. I intend to get full funding for Shado for this upcoming quarter. Carlin has a lot to learn. David brought down Goliath, and getting what you want requires faith, luck and determination. And a skillfully placed stone in a slingshot."

"I'm trying to imagine you in Biblical attire, David." Alec grinned, watching Ed carefully place the envelope back into the cupboard and pick up the telephone.

"Just get a shovel and dig, Colonel Freeman, Goliath is going down." Ed grinned back.

* * *

"I got over here as soon as I could, what happened, Mr. E?"

"I broke a mug." the elderly man told the younger man solemnly. "You brought me all the way over here just because you broke a-now sit down, sit down, you're having one of your panic attacks.."

"I can't breathe!" the man gasped, his breathing a measured gasping.

"Yes you can, we've been through this before, your lungs are clearer than mine are, come on, breathe slowly. You do, and I'll clean up this mess for you, I know how you are about things like that. That's right, in, out, in, out. Better?"

"Yes, thank God I have you. I'm so worried, Russell."

"Yeah, and there are seven days in a week. What's bothering you now?"

"Have you seen the morning paper?"

"No, just got back, I was working a case for someone. Poisoned cat. Wrapped it up about a week ago, and took some time off afterward. What gives?" The man opened a cabinet and brought out a broom and dust pan and began to clean up. He'd failed to mention that he'd gotten himself a cheap hotel room and had gotten, and stayed drunk. Nothing like a hangover to celebrate a case you helped solve.

"Just look at it!"

"Listen, you go and take a long shower, and I'll have this mess cleaned up. Oh. Right. Cross offing himself. Yeah. Heard about that. I heard they are giving the cops involved grief for improper handling of a suspect. Heard they roughed him up. Look, Mr. E-"

"Roughed him up? What more does he have to go through, Russell? Do you remember that year he was kidnapped? And his man Freeman coming on telly and saying he was dead-"

"I ought to. As I recall, you wouldn't eat for days."

"I knew he wasn't dead, a father knows these things. I just was worried that he was in bad shape. I was so relieved when Freeman revealed it was all a ruse to find that man who wanted to kill him."

"Look, take one of your pills-"

"I'm not poisoning myself with that mess."

"Okay, hunky-dory, I'll make you some more coffee, and fix breakfast, while you shower."

"I should be making my rounds at the shops." he replied warily. "It's nearly ten-fourteen, and you know I go at ten sharp."

"The world isn't going to end because you are late in your checks, Mr. E. You should take one day off, relax. Got any mail for me?"

"I haven't gone through it entirely, but there was something for you, yes."

"Thanks. Now go."

"Russ-"

"You heard me."

The man sighed, nodded, and made his way into the bathroom, and within minutes the sound of running water could be heard.. Russell smiled in relief, and drew a hand through his thick red hair, reflecting fondly about his boss. He may have been in his seventies, but he acted like he was about ten. Yet he had the sharpest mind possible, and the body of a forty-year old, not unlike Russell's own, since Mr. E had a mania about health, and a phobia about germs. The high-priced shrinks he went to called it obsessive-compulsive disorder, brought on by some sort of trauma when he was in his teens. Not that I'm anyone to judge him, the way I'm drinking myself to death. At least I don't burden him too much with that. Who knows what he went through? I can't imagine being so infatuated with somebody that you don't think even one impure thought toward anyone else for the rest of your life. But that's what he did, and he walked out on all that money, and more power to him, I guess. But he's protected her all this time, and by my standards, the bitch didn't deserve it for how she treated him. Funny how I got protective about him. Sure, it's top pay, and it's the easiest job I ever have had, and I have his roof to sleep under. I never lived this good back in San Francisco when I worked homicide. Don't go there, that's over with. Think of Mr. E. With all his money, he's still helpless, and would have gone on being lonely. And he earned every penny, he didn't rely on any handout for long. Now I live with the fellow, and all this time I was trying to be Mr. Tough and Independent. Funny the way things turn out.

"I'm glad that we ran into one another, Mr. E," Russell said aloud, as he concluded cleaning and carefully threw the shards away, and started to heat up what remained of the coffee. Then he picked up his mail, tore the envelope open and took out the letter, plus a photocopy which looked familiar. Russell gawked, then gulped after reading them and shoved both back into the envelope.

"What?" the man called out, and Russell heard him turn off the water, and within two minutes he'd come into the kitchen, wrapped in a thick Turkish white terry cloth robe, pushing back a head of moist grey hair that was remarkably nearly fully intact, despite his age. It was in times like these that Russell saw the resemblance between his son and him. "I couldn't hear you over the sound of the water. I feel a lot better."

"Good. Everything look okay?" Russell said, shoving the envelope into his jeans pocket

"It looks so much better."

"I know you, Mr. E. You're about as clumsy as a prima ballerina on a Moscow stage. You didn't drop that mug. You threw it. I want to know why."

The man sighed. "He's going to come, Russell. I'll have to tell him what happened between me and Rosemary. He won't believe me. It'll kill him. He'll hate me."

"You wouldn't have thrown it for that."

"Russell, please don't make me talk about it."

"I can't work for a man who is less than honest with me."

The elderly man actually chuckled.

"I can't believe you said that. Have you forgotten how we met?"

Russell grinned. "I stole a flask from the first store you opened because it reminded me of my late Dad's. Hey, I'd just come here, ran out of the strange stuff this island passes for money, and I hadn't eaten, hadn't touched a drop, and wasn't thinking straight. Guess I don't five finger as well as I did when I was a kid."

"If I could hire a man who was less than honest, you can go on working for me. But Russell, I did a bad thing."

The other man rolled his eyes. He knew his boss' idea of a bad thing was taking more than one sheet of paper off a public toilet roll. This confession should be interesting.

"Enlighten me."

"I let myself get angry at Rosemary."

"Jesus Christ, Mr. E, like you don't have the right to be angry at her? The bitch used you, and then threw you away. "

The man had settled down in a chair, and now he jumped up, shaking, livid.

"I won't have you describe her in that way!"

"Look, when I agreed to work for you to clear my debt of that flask, it didn't include me censoring myself. Somebody has to tell you the truth, Evan. Somebody has to make you see it. Whether or not you go looking for your son, you have to face what happened, and see her for what she is. You were what, fifteen, sixteen? You barely were old enough to shave, and she not only broke your heart, she then gives your son to your enemy, to the man who took her away from you."

"Stop it, please, Russell." Evan said nervously.

"You know what I'm saying is true. She was scum, Evan. You loved her so much, you haven't even looked at another woman all these years. It's unheard of in this day and age, it has its place in dime store novels, not in real life. Okay, so paperbacks these days cost a hell of a lot more than a dime, but you get the idea. And what does she do? She turns down your ring because you turned your back on that crummy family and its crummy money. Love shouldn't have a price in an ideal world, I know. But she put one on it. And it didn't come cheap. And because you refused to have anything to do with your birthright, and he had everything, she chose him. She was pregnant with a child he never could have fathered, your child, Ed Straker, hell, she even named it for you, but she handed it to your brother."

"STOP IT!"

"Why don't you tell him? Don't you think he deserves to know what kind of woman his mother really was?"

"And what will that accomplish? How do I explain to him why I didn't fight for him, why I didn't have the guts, Russell?" Evan sobbed. "What makes you even believe he would listen to me? How am I any better than she is, when I allowed it to happen?"

"You believed her, her and that two bit lawyer Larry Malone, who only cared about getting a fat paycheck. He covered up for Benjamin, just like the family doctor, just like Rosemary. She had you wrapped around her finger, made you think that telling your son the truth, even after the son of a bitch Benjamin was long dead, was a mistake. You're a softie, Evan, you believed it."

"She was doing what she had to. She was doing what she had to, her family was poor, she was just making the best marriage she could, being a obedient daughter to her parents."

"Oh bullshit."

"She loved me, Russell. I know she did. She was as trapped as I was. Women back then just didn't do that to their families. She was English, she was old fashioned."

"She was a English whore, who sold herself to the brother who could pay the higher price for her. That's what she was."

"GOD! Get out, Russell! Just get out of my sight!"

"Fine. But you think about what I have said." Russell said, with a deadly calm. He had to make Mr. E see the truth.

And what if he meant it, what if he really kicks you out? You'll wind up like Cross, the bastard that had that old man's cat poisoned. You'll drink too much one day, and put a slug in your brain. You need this gig, what the hell do you think you're doing? Well, someone has to straighten this man up, and I just elected myself. No matter what happens.

"I told you to get out." Evan said. He sounded very British. He always did in the rare times he was angry, but he was Bostonian, reflected Russell.

"You think about what I said, because Ed Straker just got a step closer to your welcome mat." Russell took out the envelope and threw it on the kitchen table, then he left. Shaking violently now, and suppressing sobs, Evan heard the slam of the front door. He leaned over and picked up the envelope. It bore a Gloucestershire postmark. Evan read the letter first. Dear Mr. Russell Crane,

You have a reputation for being a careful and kind man, with experience in the area of documents. I have a very dear friend who wishes to get the information on the enclosed photocopy of a Boston Massachusetts birth certificate. As you can see, the information therein has become faded with age, as perhaps the man has also. I happen to know that you reside with the man and work for him now, and that he is the genuine father of my friend. I do not ask that you violate your confidentiality, but that you perhaps go over the photocopy and clarify that information for my friend. In doing that, you will go a long way toward healing father and son, who by unfortunate circumstances have been broken. I am in a position to pay you anything you like, but I suspect you will not bill me for this job. Miracles happen, Mr. Crane. You're in a position to make one happen right now. You needn't believe me, but I have encountered your father. He is quite a wonderful man, and he watches over you from a place called the Between. If you listen carefully to the silence, you may hear him flutter his wings. You will no doubt believe me quite mad. I look forward to hearing from you again all the same.

And I would say to Evan Straker, have courage, my friend. For I had the good fortune to meet your Rosemary, many years ago. And she made a request of me, which I of course agreed to. Now you need to make the next step, for a son belongs with his father.

With my deepest affection, Peregrine Falcon

Evan collapsed to the kitchen floor in a faint.

* * *

"Edward, oh pins and needles, Edward, it's so wonderful, Anne is ours, she is really ours!"

"Great, isn't it? Meet me for lunch and we'll tell her."

"Oh damn, I can't, sweetheart, I'm on my way to Mayland, I'm working casualty as a favour to a friend. But it'll only be about a five hours shift until they get someone from registry, so I'll be free for dinner, and we'll celebrate then. The nursery is almost finished, and they already finished the workout room, and they're starting in on Perry's rooms."

"Good, good, shows they do something more than keep Molly occupied with her ball. Guess neither of us seem to be able to tear ourselves away from our jobs. I take it Frances is taking care of Anne?"

"No, Angel and Ian are, Frances flew off to France, she won a cooking class in Normandy for some recipe she entered in a contest, at least that's what she told me. There was something funny about it that made me suspect something else was going on..."

"Frances left Angel alone? I can't believe it." Ed said over his car phone, as Alec sat next to him in his Shado car.

"Something happened between them, I'm sure of it," sighed Claire. "Angel just seemed so depressed, but he was trying to cover it up."

"I'll find out what it is when I get home. Alec and I decided to take the rest of the day off, so after a late lunch we're headed to Hamley's, to pick some things out for Anne. Millie showed me something before I left for the Commission, a surprise for Anne. I'm sure she'll love it. Anyway, I'll be home around seven or so, have our daughter ready to go. That sounds so wonderful. Our daughter." Ed chuckled.

"Our daughter, whom you are spoiling rotten. You aren't mad at me?"

"A little disappointed, but I'll live. I love you, I'll see you tonight."

"I love you, darling! Bye."

"Can you believe Frances leaving Angel alone, Alec? It's like taking a fish out of water."

"He didn't tell you?" Alec said. "By the way, congratulations on getting back the full funding on Shado. Goliath didn't even see David coming.."

Ed laughed. "Thanks. Tell me what?"

"Ed, you know there's a set retirement age for clerics in the church?"

"No, just figured they went into retirement when they wanted to." Ed shrugged.

"Angel lied about his age to the Archbishop. He was supposed to retire years ago. Well, the new board found out about it, and they're forcing retirement on him. At first he didn't know what to do."

"Why, that's ridiculous. I'll just call the church and remind them of the service he's given, and on a lousy salary too. And if they are so idiotic that they can't see they are making a big mistake, why, between you and me, we'll find Angel a new occupation. He's a whiz at building things, even with his arthritis. We can fix him up with a little shop, you know he can repair just about anything.."

"You know he won't go for it, Ed, his calling was his life. Frances tried. He told me she was shattered about losing all her friends in the church, her life has revolved around Angel's standing in the ministry. Anyway, I just suggested he break off and start his own church, hell, lots of clerics do that. He at first didn't like the idea, but I talked him into it. So at services he told his parishioners that the church was forcing him out."

"Good Lord, what happened?"

"They got up and to the last man and woman and child, walked out of the church, to support him. I've never seen Stanley cry, and he told me he bawled like a baby. But he told them it was their duty in Christ to accept whatever priest they chose to replace him, and he went home. That's when he told Frances. And she had a fit because he lied to her too."

"Damn it. Alec, as soon as I get Anne settled, I am going to give that woman a piece of my mind. For once, walking out on him when he needs her the most is not Christian of her. I'm sick of her selfishness. I'm sick of her being so hard on my wife because she can't fix a meal. Hell, my wife can save people, she doesn't have to be able to make a damn roast to prove her worth to anyone."

"Amen to that." Alec agreed. Ed suddenly winced visibly. "Ed, what's wrong?"

"Nothing. Just felt funny for a moment, like I was trapped somewhere and had started to panic. Bizarre. Alec, mind taking the wheel? I'm probably overtired."

"That in itself is alarming."

"What?" Ed said, pulling the car over, and punching the door button.

"Actually admitting being tired."

"Oh shut up, and drive, Colonel." Ed smiled as they exchanged places.

* * *

Alec Freeman watched his friend Ed Straker practically buy out the entire doll selection in Hamleys with a grin, and wandered off to choose a plush toy for little Alec. He had no qualms about leaving Ed alone, as the shopkeeper always closed the shop and allowed Ed to shop at his leisure after chasing the other not too pleased customers out. Ed always made it worth his while, as Ed bought in bulk for his Straker foundation. Alec was inspecting a stuffed giraffe when his mobile phone rang.

"Freeman."

"Look, I've been trying to get you for at least a half hour. You don't know me, but I know you. This has to do with your friend Ed Straker. And don't even try to try and locate me, I took the GPS chip out of this mobile myself, so you can forget it."

"Who the hell are you and what do you want?"

"You know a man named Perry Falcon, so do I, I'm the guy he wants to hire to help out Straker. I'm the guy he sent a copy of Evan's birth certificate to. I can't sit back and watch him die without ever knowing his son, so against my better judgement, I decided to call you. Get rid of Straker, and meet me at the Bull and Horns, you drink there sometimes, you know where it is. And Freeman, don't bring the police in on this. Evan doesn't need to land in the papers. He's a pretty fragile guy upstairs. But he loves his son."

"Why do you think I'm going to believe you about all this?" Alec said gruffly, getting excited. This was his best lead.

"Because Mr. E is like his son, and like his son, he doesn't need any more bullshit thrown at him. He doesn't know I am calling you. I told him I was going to go and pick up some dinner for the two of us. He won't worry if I get back late, I do that all the time. He's asleep in bed now, exhausted. We had a row, and I walked out, and well, I had a funny feeling about him, regretted things I said. I went back instead of getting drunk like I'd normally do. He'd fainted. I should have known it would be too much for him to take in. I saw him on the floor, and for a moment I thought, well, never mind."

Alec heard real fear in the man's voice.

"This is a business for Ed to handle, not me, if you're even legitimate."

"An old combat pilot like you has a nose on him, same as an old homicide cop like me. You can smell the truth in the air. And Straker can't know about this, not yet. He'd rip into Mr. E, and that would be the wrong thing to do. Someone needs to be on our side, and listen to what really happened. Evan loves his son. I know the genuine article when I see it. Now hurry up and get here. I know you'll be armed, so will I, remember that. Hurry it on up, before I lose my nerve."

"Now wait a min-" Alec heard a click at the other end as the man hung up. Alec saw Ed smiling, coming up to him. He had to think fast.

"Something the matter?"

"Yeah, remember Jack?"

"No, can't say that I do. Alec, can you pay for my purchases? I forgot to bring my credit cards, and I didn't have enough cash on me." Ed said sheepishly.

"Next time try not buying out the store. Sure. Anyway, Jack's an old pal, he's gotten himself in trouble. I need to go for a while, Ed. I hate to leave you alone, but I have to, you know what it's like, a cobber looks after a cobber. You can drop me off at home, and I'll get my car."

"Alec, you'll be back with me for the dinner, won't you? Anne needs her godfather."

"Yeah, sure. I promise. Here, that enough?"

"More than enough." Ed smiled, but his eyes gave away his disappointment, and Alec felt like the lowest of snakes for lying to him, but he had to find the detective. He patted Ed on the back, and they left.

* * *

Alec was on his third whiskey at the Bull and Horns. Most of the customers had gone, eager to escape the pouring rain. A look at his watch told him he'd been played for a fool. Not a soul had showed up. Alec pulled out the last couple of pounds in his wallet, threw them in disgust on the dimly-lit table, and went out.

He had inserted his keys into the ignition when he felt the pressure against his neck. Unmistakably, a gun. He looked in the driving glass and saw his assailant. Dark coat, green eyes peeking out through a mask, woolen cap pulled far down on his head. He was getting old. He hadn't even activated his alarm system. No, he had, he knew he had. Damn, he had to stall for time.

"How the fuck did you get in here?"

"It wasn't easy. But I always had the knack. "

"So much for the expensive alarm system. But you should know that a signal went instantly to the police the moment you broke in."

"Freeman, you're making two mistakes. One, you're taking me for a fool. Two, you're thinking you can stall for time. You see this? No don't turn around, just look in the mirror. Remember, I have a 38 slug just waiting to bore itself into your Australian brain."

"What the hell do you want? Money? I just spent the last I had, drinking while I waited for you." Alec was dispirited by the sight of the transponder of his car being held up, swinging by the wires. This man was a pro, but was he a killer?

"Maybe I want you dead."

"Murder is a nasty business."

"Maybe I want to risk it."

Alec's blood seemed to freeze when he heard the sound of the safety being removed. Goodbye, Ed. Sorry I didn't take better care of myself like you suggested. Don't mourn too much for me, and take care of Mir and my son. I know you will. Goddamned too late for me to tell her how afraid I was to love her, to love anybody, and I did love her, and you knew it. I just hope you aren't the one to find my body. Damn it, I can't just go like this, I won't.

"Maybe I yell." Alec said firmly.

"Nobody's going to hear you in this downpour."

"Somebody might, you can't risk it. And even if you kill me, the people I work for will find you. I'll die with that thought to comfort me."

"I'm touched."

"You filthy son of a bitch, at least tell me what this is all about. You harm Ed and I swear by all that's holy I'll haunt you from the grave."

There was no reply.

"Answer me, you filthy-"

Then there was nothing but the universe exploding with a sharp pain. Alec Freeman slumped over.

* * *

Ed Straker smiled at his daughter. His daughter. How wonderful that sounded.

"Come here, faerie princess, did you have a good day?"

"Uh huh, Angel told me stories."

"Thanks, Angel. Listen, we have to talk after tonight."

"About what, Q-tip?"

Ed just straightened himself from bending to hug his daughter, and looked at Angel meaningfully. Angel sighed, and sat in a chair.

"Alec told you."

"Alec told me."

"Australians have big mouths."

"Australians take care of their own. Where's Claire? Isn't she back yet?"

"Upstairs, showering, just got home. Where's my husband?"

Ed turned around as Miriam came up, pulling on the bolero jacket he had first seen her in. She tucked her small, pearl handled gun into a red beaded purse after handing baby Alec to Angel. Ed noted with amusement that his godson had a little sheep motif toddler outfit on. Ed watched him chew contently on Angel's knuckle, which didn't look all that clean. Mir didn't look perturbed.

"He went off to help out some friend named Jack. You know how Alec is."

"Puts everyone else's problems before their own, yeah, that's babe. But he should have told me."

"Daddy, did you bring me a present?" Anne asked, looking at the Hamley shopping bags.

"No, nothing in those bags for you but those vegetables you try to feed the bunnies when we aren't looking." Ed replied, crossing his arms.

"Uuuuuu." Anne giggled.

"Oh well, maybe something or other for you. Why don't you look?"

Anne hurried up to the bags and Ed picked them up and thrust his hands behind him, coaxing giggles from Anne as he turned one way and then the next, keeping them out of her reach. Miriam yawned, and then shot her hands out, grabbing both.

"Hey!" Ed complained.

"Quick, run upstairs with them before he tries to get them back, sweetheart." Mir grinned. Anne giggled, and ran off, stopped at the end of the winding staircase, came back, hugged Ed's legs, then darted away in delight. Ed's eyes gleamed, then he remembered he was supposed to look stern, and shot Mir a look.

"Who do you work for, Freeman?"

"You, and wipe the look off your face, you scare my husband, but not me."

"Come out into the garden with me for a minute, I want to talk with you about that husband."

"What did he do this time? Resign again?" Mir said as Ed stepped out into the garden. Everything smelled fresh after the downpour. Everything bright, fresh and new.

"Aren't you cold in that thing?" Ed said. He himself was still in his Burberry trench.

"Nah. Clean living. What did you want to talk about?"

"What's going on between you and Alec, Miriam?"

"Come again?"

"I caught the tone in your voice. Besides, this morning Alec was-"

Ed's mobile bleeped. He cursed.

"If that is Shado, Claire Straker is gonna feed your organs to the rabbits." Mir remarked casually. "And you're a Dad now, you shouldn't be using those words around your daughter. You don't want to be a bad influence on her."

Ed stuck his tongue out at Mir, and relished the shocked look on her face.

"My daughter is a bad influence on me." he explained gravely. Then in the wink of her heavily mascaraed eyelashes, Mir saw him straighten up and flip open the phone.

"Straker."

Damn, thought Mir, he does turn charm on and off like a light switch. That's the Shado commander back. She grinned. Then she frowned, because all the animation drained out of his face, and he sagged visibly. Mir felt her heart jerk.

"What on earth are you two doing out in the-" Claire had come out and Ed gave her a look like the slash of a razor. She went silent.

"Go on. When? Where? Damn it, Ford, that was forty-five minutes ago. Don't give me this crud about wanting to make sure it wasn't a glitz in the electronics. I'll deal with you later. I'm on my way. Straker out." Ed shoved the mobile into an inside pocket and looked at Claire.

"Edward, for God's sake, that little girl in there needs her father. You gave me your word." Claire sighed.

"It's Alec," Ed said. It was all he needed to say. Claire sighed, nodded, put a hand on her husband's shoulder, then they both looked expectantly at Mir. She didn't disappoint them.

"SHIT. Straker, damn it, what is it?" Mir yelled. "What's happened to him?"

"Miriam Freeman, you're to stay with my family. I'll handle this."

"No fucking way, Straker! I'm coming with you, that's my husband you're talking about-" Mir screeched.

"That's right. It's your husband, the man who would be the first to remind you what your duty is. And your duty is to obey the man who is his commanding officer. And protect his family and friends."

"Straker. Damn you, damn you, promise me something."

"I don't have time for this, Freeman." Ed's eyes watched Claire as she went inside the manor, the memory of her touch a balm against the fear that was rising inside him like smoke in a bottle. But he waited. He owed her that much. And he heard the words in his head before they even came out of her scarlet lips. Strangely, it didn't bother him.

"Don't bring him back dead. Promise me, Straker."

"Miriam, I loved him long before you ever did."

And then he was gone, Miriam looking at the space he'd been standing in with shock. She wanted to scream. Straker was right. He had. But she walked back into the manor, somehow comforted by the screech of Ed's tyres on the driveway as he pulled away.

* * *

Someone was ripping out every last brain cell Alec Freeman had, dipping it in acid, and then in grit, and finally jumping on his head like a kangaroo on cocaine. I'm never drinking again, he thought. This is the hangover from hell. This is the-

He sputtered as the cold water hit him, and he opened his eyes, his nose filled with the odor of orchids. That was it, he had died. This was hell. Why hadn't he listened to Ed, and taken better care of himself? He pushed aside a orchid stem that had settled in his lap. A man was bent over him with a vase, some sort of expensive Italian glass or something. What the hell? Satan was gay? The man tossed the vase beside Alec. He had a shock of bright red hair, and a face that had rarely felt sunshine. Green eyes. What was it he was supposed to remember about green eyes? Then he jumped on the man, a remarkable feat considering he felt like throwing up his enlarged liver from the pain in his head. His hands tightened around the man's throat as he forced him down on a white rug.

"That's right, Freeman, squeeze the life out of me." That the man could speak was also a remarkable feat, since Alec's hands alone were bigger than the man was. His hands shot up trying to loosen Alec's, without much success.

"You shot me, you son of a bitch!"

"The only shots you had was 100 proof, you ignoramus. Your breath is a molotov cocktail. I knocked you out, hit you on the back on the head and you snoozed like a newborn. Now are you going to listen to me?"

"I'm not in the habit of listening to people who threaten my life!"

"Right. Okay. Hunky-dory. Then that guy you work for, Straker, you may remember him, can kiss his father goodbye."

"I'm not buying a thing that you-UUCKK!" Alec grunted as the man shifted, and inserted a knee in Alec's gut, knocking him backward, and causing him to fall. Alec rolled and started to go for his gun, only to have a boot heel force him back down, and the man's 38 Police special shoved in his nose. Not this again, thought Alec, but you didn't argue with a slug. "Okay, bastard, shoot."

Okay. Something was wrong here. Besides his head being filled with stampeding kangaroos. The green eyes were full of tears. People in his experience didn't knock him over the head and stick metal in his face and cry about it. Alec stared as the man turned the gun around and placed it in his hand. Alec checked. Loaded, all right. The man extended a hand and Alec stared at it, too, then took it and stood up. In the next instant he punched the man so that he went flying against the opposite wall. It felt good.

"Right," the man said, examining the blood on his hand when he gingerly touched a rapidly swelling lip. He even grinned. "I had that coming. You're the man that Mr. E said you were. I did all that phony crap to test you, hold your feet to the fire. Right, we're even. Now you have to help me."

"Are you out of your bleeding mind? Help you? I ought to drill you until you resemble Swiss cheese!"

"Go ahead. Then explain to Straker that you killed the only man who has a direct connection to his father."

"Tell me another one, friend." Alec said in disgust, but he listened.

"Look, you bastard, I brought you back here to talk to him, because I figured you'd know truth when you heard it! Now he's gone! I took your car and carried you in here, I live here sometimes, he lets me stay, and he's gone! Now are you going to keep up the crap or are you going to help me find him? He's innocent, do you understand that? He's broken, he can't make it out there! Guys like you and me can chew nails and spit them out. Mr. E isn't like that. I looked in the garage, the Mercedes is missing, hell, he barely can drive! Alec, you have to help me find him. I was too hard on him."

Alec frowned, looked around, shoved the gun into his jacket pocket. He saw a ice bucket on a side table, looked for and found a loo, and got himself a towel. He wrapped a piece of ice in the towel and came out again. The man was completely spent, sitting on the edge of a chair, despondent, looking at a spot of blood on the carpet. That's when it struck Alec. Everything was far too clean, like hospital. He put the towel on his head, and then he threw it down, fixed a drink, a brandy. The man heard the tinkle of ice and looked up.

"Drinking isn't going to help, I ought to know. I keep trying it. Been doing it since Internal Affairs hammered the last nail in my own Dad's coffin, framed him on a drug charge. I quit homicide and I came up here. Dad used to read the King Arthur stories to me, lady in the lake, that kind of thing. Guess it's why I chose England. Then Evan chose me."

"The brandy is for you. Now why don't you tell me who the hell you are?"

"No. No booze. I'm Russell Crain. Private detective. I handled the poisoning of Peregrine Falcon's cat. Helped the local cops. Cross did it all right. That Falcon guy is as nuts as they come, but decent. He steered me on to you. Look, Freeman, we can sit here and I can rattle on, but Evan is getting farther and farther away, and he can't make it in this world without me. Now are you going to help me or not?"

"I was supposed to meet Ed hours ago, I have to contact him."

"You can't, he'll go looking for him and then find him, and he doesn't understand yet, he'd only make things worst!"

"You aren't reading Ed Straker right."

"Jesus, I know everything about Straker, you freaking Australian idiot! I've listened to stories about him for years now. Danny came in here and stole all that stuff he showed him, part of his con job. Mr. E has newsclippings, photos, journals, even a jacket Straker wore once. I ought to know, I stole it for him, right after a film awards show. " Russell jumped up and went into a bedroom that was even more pristine then the rest of the flat. Alec followed him in with a sick feeling at the back of his stomach. Ed had lost the jacket, he remembered that. Russell pulled a cellophane wrapped garment from the wardrobe, and tore it open. Alec took it, already smelling the faint trace of an old cologne on it that Ed had worn.

"You took it."

"I've sat in this bedroom and watched Mr. E hold it, and just weep. He loves his son, Freeman. The odds just weren't in his favor."

"Why the hell hasn't he come forward before this?" Alec saw a hair stuck on the collar of the jacket that probably was Ed's.

"Look, we're wasting time, I'll tell you, but we have to find him first or nothing matters anyway. His suitcase is gone. He's running away. We can't let him. Not this time. Please, Freeman. This is his last chance."

Alec folded the jacket gently, like it was his own last chance.

"Russell, I have to call Ed. He's probably looking for me now. I'll make up a story. I don't like lying to him, so you better be on the up and up. Then we'll find this Mr. E."

"His name is Evan. Evan Edward Straker. Come on, let's go."

* * *

"Are you sure, Ford?" Ed was saying into his car phone. It had started raining again, and Ed was on the road after questioning the owner of the Bull and Horns, using his identification from New Scotland Yard. "All right. Send the satellite reading of Alec's implant transponder directly to my GPS. Right, getting it. You may have just saved that skin of yours. Keep me informed. Straker out."

Ed's eyes flicked up and down from the road to the GPS map on his computer on his instrumental panel in the car. In the last ten, eleven years, Ed had fought hard for the funds to update the SHADO fleet of automobiles with the latest technology available. And some not so available, Ed thought. He was pushing the speedometer up to the green digit 200, and thinking it probably matched his heart rate. Claire would have a fit. He tried hard not to think about his new daughter, and his wife, of how lovely she had looked in the faux fur cape, of how he would have liked to finger the earrings dangling from her soft ears, of touching her dark hair, with its gray wisps. So much time had passed. Why hadn't he had time for Alec? Damn it, he'd watched age touch all of the people he loved. I loved Alec long before you did, Miriam. There had been a time when he'd never utter those words, but now, he didn't care who knew how he felt about that weathered looking man who had been at his side, for, well, forever. Why couldn't he have just taken a moment and allowed Alec to express his fears? No, he had to worry about Carlin, and the way he had botched the commission meeting. How many times have I worried, and with good reason, that my own marriage would fade? I pushed Claire so hard that she pretended not to know me. And then-no, now was not a time to remember what had happened in the Between.

Mother, you wouldn't hurt anyone, I know you wouldn't

I broke his heart, the way Mary broke yours, I crushed it, and you have to know about it, my darling, my precious son

No! Just come with me, you can come with me, we can get out of this place together, you're not dead, I know you're not dead, not even when Lawrence Malone sent me that telegram, while I was rotting away in hospital in Thailand, not caring whether I lived or died, and then I saw Alec's face for the first time. He belongs with me, Mother, and so do you, nothing dies in the Between. I have to bring him back, I can't let him alone out there, Mother, he needs me-

No, son, you need him

"Damn you, Alec, don't leave me again." Ed said aloud, blinking back tears. He jumped when his car phone rang, and he cursed, took a breath. "Straker."

"Ed, it's me."

"ALEC! Christ, where the blazes are you? I'm following your transponder signal, should take me less than a half hour to get to you, just hold on. Are you okay?"

"Ed, traffic cops are like crocodiles. Take your lead foot off the pedal. I figure I've been missing one, two hours, so you're speeding by now. You could get in an accident in this rain." Ed heard Alec chuckle.

"Stop with the mother bear crud and tell me where the blazes you are!"

"I can't tell you just yet, so you have to trust me. "

"Have you forgotten who signs your paycheques? Now you tell me, or so help me God I'll-JESUS! JESUS!"

"Ed? ED!"

And the most horrifying sounds in the world came over the mobile phone and Alec's heart went dark as he heard the screech of tyres, smash of glass, and a loud rumble then the sound of crumbling metal. The line went dead. So did Alec.

"What's the matter?" Russell said. He'd been driving. One of Alec's pals in New Scotland Yard had seen a white Mercedes with a plate that matched Evan Straker's, and had given him a rough location. He seemed to be heading for Heathrow.

"He's been in an accident! " Alec exclaimed, punching in another number. "FORD! Give me the Commander's location, yes, I'm okay. I'm alive, I'm fine, damn it, but Ed isn't, I want his location NOW, do you understand, Ford, you simpleton? I want it now! What? What do you mean you've lost the signal? You better get it the bloody fucking back, or I'll personally choke the hell out of you."

"The Commander? I thought Straker retired from the Air Force." Russell stared at Alec, but he didn't seem to be in the mood for an explanation. "Fuck, now two Strakers are in trouble. Like father, like son." he sighed.

"Right, right, okay, got it, that's about twenty minutes from here. Right. Crane, I want every last bit of petrol squeezed out of this thing, we've got to find Ed, just southwest of here. Hurry up!"

"Hold on to your hat, Freeman." Russell said, and as the car bolted forward, Alec had the thought that any stomach he had left had been discarded several miles back. Now all there was to do was hope against hope that Ed Straker, his cobber, was alive.

Damn it, Ed, don't leave me again, he thought. But he wasn't about to cry. Not in front of the redhead.

* * *

Ed counted the stars. They kept twinkling in and out, back and forth. His vision was murky, and his body was chilled. If he was dead, it wasn't too bad. But he couldn't be dead. Nothing died in the Between. But there was no Between. It didn't really exist. He knew it deep down. It had only been an alien illusion. Illusion, like the stars he was seeing. Alec was right, he was deluding himself. God, his head hurt. He tried to remember what had happened. The car had been coming straight at him, all he could see was a gleam from the headlights. He had jerked with all his might with the steering wheel, but he had still hit the car, maybe even killed the driver. He forced himself to focus, and he saw his windscreen had a spider web shape crack in it. If he hadn't have slowed down when he'd heard Alec's voice, he might really be dead now. He took off his seat belt, hit the door switch, and it rumbled up, and he slid out of the car, bent over near the tree he'd smashed into off road, and began vomiting. He finally wiped his face, and looked in an alarmed fashion at the blood on his hand. With relief, he realised he'd just bitten his lip. Well, just one more scar on it, he supposed. He began making his way toward the car, holding his stomach. The alarm must have gone off, so Alec would come eventually. He just had to wait, and not pass out. This was when survival training came in handy. Find a dry place. Cold, cold.

It was then that he smelled the petrol, heard the faint moaning, and saw the white Mercedes. It looked new. The front of it was smoking, crushed like a accordian. My God, someone's trapped in there! The next thing he knew, he was desperately trying to open the door. It wouldn't bulge. Locked. Ed grabbed a rock, smashed in the door windows on adrenaline alone, thrust his hand inside the hole and unlocked it, cutting his hand and lower arm badly in the process, smearing blood all over himself but not caring or feeling. He grabbed the person inside, holding him under his arms, and dragged him back down, under the trees. The whole countryside lit up with the explosion and flames that followed, and Ed was knocked down, falling over the driver. Pain exploded in his body. He pushed it aside. Forced his voice to sound calm.

"Are you hurt? Listen, it's going to be okay. Help is on the way. Just-"

"Oh my GOD. You. You. You."

"Are you in pain? For heaven's sake you were on the wrong side of the road, you could have killed us both! Are you American? Have you been drinking? Tell me your name. No, don't faint on me. Here, let me loosen your clothe-" Ed just stared as the driver reached up, and laid his hand against Ed's face gently, looking into his eyes. Ed drew back, repelled. Then he regretted it, after all, the man was old, maybe seriously injured, maybe delusional, certainly in shock. Thin. White hair in waves, odd, it was thick. Must be genes, like me. Penetrating blue eyes. Frail looking.

"Ed." the man said, in a strange tone. Ed stared at him, not understanding. How the blazes did he know his name? Oh, for heaven's sake, how many Ed's are in the London phone book? It's merely a coincidence. Why does this all seem like a dream? Damn, I may be in shock. Damn. Fucking damn-

"Listen, listen to me. I'm going to pass out, I can't help it. You just-you-"

"You're bleeding bad, you gashed your hand deeply saving me. Lay against me. Put your head down, Russell always tells me put my head down, that's it, here, merciful heaven, you're so cold. Shock, that's what it is, shock. I have to wrap your hand. Let me see-yes I know it hurts, I have to stop the bleeding. When I was much younger, I took a class at the Red Cross. It's important to stop the bleeding. "

"Oh God." Ed muttered. "Hurts. Going to pass out - where's Alec? What was that?"

"Just tearing my shirt, making a bandage, no, don't try to get up. Going to hurt when I do this. There. Now get underneath my coat. No, stop fighting. That better? I managed to stop the blood."

"Throbbing. Woozy. Alec? Call Alec, he'll know - people don't die in the Between - he'll know - no, mother, please come home-"

"Ed. Edward." Evan said, gently, as Ed passed out. He covered Ed completely with his vicuna coat, it was soaked now, the both of them were soaked, but it was better than nothing. He pressed himself to his son. How odd. He had thought about this so often, dreamed of it, longed for it. He reached out, and stroked his son's face. He could feel his chest rise and fall. I have this moment. I almost don't want anyone to come. So strange, I'm so calm. For so many years the link between us has been broken, and now I have you with me. I haven't felt like this since I first saw your mother. Was it like that for you, Ed? When you saw Mary? That terrible woman.

"Russell would say that your mother was terrible too." he found himself saying aloud. And then he heard a car's breaks shriek, and a commotion up where the two cars were. Gently and reluctantly he laid his son down and covered him again. Then he hurried up and began to wave his hands and yell. "Here! Here! An ambulance is needed!"

"Mr. E!" it was Russell's voice. He couldn't believe it. But it was him. But someone shoved past him, and went down the hill to where Ed lay. He turned away from Russell's approaching figure, and went down again. He had to make sure nobody harmed Ed. He sagged with relief when he saw it was the Australian. He was speaking into his phone, and then he threw it aside, and stripped down to his chest, placing his own coat and shirt over Ed Straker, ignoring the rain beating down on him. Evan smiled slightly.

"He'll be all right, sir. I know it. He'll be all right. He saved my life."

"If he dies, believe me, there won't be anybody around to save yours." Alec growled.

"This was meant to happen. It's time I explained."

"Mr. E, you okay?"

"Russell, I'm okay. I'm sorry."

"Forget it. Ambulance is on its way. What happened here?"

"I got confused, he told me I was driving on the wrong side of the road. I almost killed us both, Russell."

"Goddamned idiot! I should beat the hell out of you!" Alec was yelling.

"Lay off of him. He's had enough. He's beat up on himself a lot harder for years than you ever could."

"I don't care who he is. He's going to pay for doing this to Ed."

"Jesus Christ, Freeman!" Russell complained, but Alec was already signaling the paramedics.

* * *

Dr. Claire Spencer Straker checked her chart, looked at her patient, and then checked the chart again. She sighed, bent over, and kissed her unconscious husband. Now she just had to wait. Pushing the door open, she saw Mir waiting for her.

"Alec all right?"

"Alec is okay, how is Straker?"

"Sleeping mostly, muttering in his sleep, dreaming."

"Why does he always have to get Alec involved in these things? Alec was almost kill-" Mir turned around, and Claire grabbed her.

"You have your nerve to take it out on Edward. All he did was go to try to help out his friend! If he had told Edward in the first place about this person who supposedly knew his father, this wouldn't have happened. Alec wasn't following security protocol, and you know it."

"Take your hand off me, Straker."

"Oh, I'm Straker, now, huh? Do you really think Alec would want you to take all this out on Edward?"

"You know what? I just don't give a shit anymore! Now let me go, or so help me, I'll mop the floor with you!"

"You think I'll just be standing here and let you? Do you think you're intimidating me? Nothing scares me anymore, I almost lost my husband, in that place he went, in the Between!"

"Oh sure, act like the upset wife now, when before you pretended you didn't even know him. Are you going to deny that now?"

"God! You know why I did that! I couldn't face losing him anymore! I didn't want either of us to suffer, I stupidly thought it would spare both of us further pain, I was selfish, I know. Do you have any idea of what it's like to lose someone you love with all your heart and soul?"

"YES! And I am! Why the hell do you think Alec and I are having problems? Why the hell do you think Alec and I went to Hawaii? Do you think it was normal for Alec not to have Straker as his best man? Do you? Then you're as shallow as I thought!"

"Alec hurt Edward by doing that, did you two think about that? Edward did everything he could to try and get Alec someone that would look after him, and then you excluded him from your lives. Alec didn't tell Edward the truth!"

"All you care about is Straker, what do you care about the man that's been protecting his ass all these years? He owes Alec everything!"

"Owes? You have no idea what their relationship is about, do you? They love one another, it isn't like that."

"Oh right, that's why your husband has a tantrum just because Alec and I wanted to do something for ourselves, like a spoiled brat!"

Claire reached out, and slapped Miriam across the face. Miriam gawked, and brought up her own hand, and before Claire could react, a voice rang out.

"Don't you dare," Ed Straker said. Claire spun, and went to him. He was leaning against the door edge, with his door half open. He had a scowl on his face, but he was pale.

"Edward, you shouldn't be out of bed!"

"Why are you two at each other's throats for God's sake? Where's Alec? What happened to the man I hit?"

"Edward, don't fight me, please go and get into bed."

"Not until this is cleared up. I've been listening. You're yelling in a hospital corridor for Pete's sake. Claire, can you get me a wheelchair?"

"Of course." Claire kissed and hugged Ed gently then gave Mir a look which clearly indicated that if Mir harmed Ed in any way, shape or form, she'd do some unscheduled surgery on her. Then she hurried off to the nurses' station to do as she had promised Ed.

"So you hate me, Miriam?"

"Straker, I need to go and take Alec home. We'll talk about this la-"

"We'll talk about this now. I take it we're at Mayland?"

"Look, Straker, I'm not in the mood-"

"Frankly, I don't care. I want to know what's going on. Is Alec okay?"

"Do you even give a damn, Straker?"

"Christ, what's going on between you two?" Ed said, alarmed.

"It isn't any of your business." Miriam said, and she turned her back on Ed and went. Ed took a few steps, watched the corridor revolve like it was in the spin dry cycle of a washing machine, and he gripped the wall. He took a deep breath, and started off down the corridor to where he vaguely remembered the waiting room was located. Halfways down, he found he had to stop, and take a breath again. He looked down at himself, and he was in a short cotton gown that tied at the back, and he was barefoot. His arm was bandaged heavily. He leaned against the wall. Suddenly he heard someone sobbing. It was coming from a nearby room. Before he could peer in the door window, Claire came toward him pushing the wheelchair with a robe draped over her shoulder.

"Edward Straker, sit that skinny half-bare ass of yours down, now."

"Afraid some other woman might see how attractive it is?"

"Just wipe that grin off your face, husband. The police noted that your speedometer broke at 196 mph. How you didn't get crushed like used bubble gum is beyond me. Where's Mir? Did that no good overly made up moron leave you alone? Aaaarghh, I'll kill her."

"She and Alec must be having martial problems. I think he tried to tell me about it earlier. So the police investigated the crash? Claire, listen."

She helped him into the wheelchair, and into the robe.

"Listen to what?"

"Weeping."

"Oh Lord, I forgot we put him in there. I was so worried about you, I just forgot."

"Put who in where?"

"That room. That's the man that hit you. Edward, let's go back in your room, there's something I need to tell you about him. Alec and Russell are clearing things with the police."

"Russell? Tell me what? Is he okay, that man I hit? Somebody should tell him that at his age he shouldn't be driving, for heaven's sake. I might have killed him. I should have let him be charbroiled in that car. I can hear him crying, shouldn't you be trying to find his family?"

"Edward-"

"What, for God's sake?"

"Russell Crain is the man that Alec was contacted by. He was supposed to meet him, only Crain pretended he was going to kill Alec. Sounds a little weird to me, but Alec's taking a liking to him for some reason. No, Edward, just listen, okay? Anyway, Alec was trying to help you out, but Evan had vanished, and Russell persuaded Alec to help him find him. Only you found him. And it's odd, Edward, you crashed very close to where you disappeared into the Between."

"Good God, I thought that area looked familiar. But why was Alec interested in Crain? Where the heck is Alec anyway? Claire, that man is getting on my nerves, crying like that, like someone broke his heart, can we see if he has some family to come pick him up? You can tell the police I don't plan to file any charges against him. Claire, how can you stand to listen to that?"

"Edward, the only family he has is Russell Crain-"

"So get Crain."

"and you-"

"Huh?"

"Edward, that man is your father."

"Excuse me?"

"Darling, Alec went to meet with Crain because Crain has been working with your father for years. That man in there, that you saved, is your father."

"Oh nonsense, Claire."

Claire bent over, and took Ed's hand, and looked at him. "Edward, the moment Russell told us, I had a DNA study done. His blood, and yours. It's an exact match. There's no mistake. "

"There has to be, it's ludicrous, what are the odds that the man I save turns out to be my father? It's like a badly written soap opera!"

"Edward, when you cut your arm breaking that car window glass, and how the devil you broke safety glass with a small rock nobody has been able to figure out, you nicked an artery. If it hadn't been for him, you would have bled out. You would be dead. You saved one another's lives. Edward, this time - NO, Edward! DAMN!"

Ed had gotten out of the wheelchair, thrust open the door, and gone inside Evan's room.

* * *

Evan was sitting on the edge of the hospital bed, with his arms wrapped around himself, rocking a little, crying softer now. He jumped in alarm when Ed burst into the room, Claire behind him. Then recognition lit up his face.

"Edward."

"Who the devil are you?" Ed demanded.

Evan bent his head.

"Answer me!" Ed shouted.

"Edward, please-" Claire said, trying to take his arm, but Ed didn't move.

"Answer me, damn you!"

"I am your father. But I won't get involved in your life."

"You're nothing but a goddammed liar."

"You're wrong. A coward, yes, but not a liar. No. I won't allow you to believe I am a liar. Edward, you don't know how much I-no, please Mrs. Straker, just take him away, please."

"What kind of a father are you? You allowed me to believe Benjamin Straker was my father all those years, all those years I thought I was like him."

"No, never! He was a scoundrel and a coward, he was a nothing! He wanted you dead, don't you remember that?"

"And where were you when that happened?"

"Hey, lay off Mr. E!" Russell Crain said from behind Ed, and moved past him to sit by Evan. Evan went into Russell's arms, shaking badly. Russell looked sad, then looked accusingly at Ed.

"You think you're making up for the time you lost by yelling at him? You don't know what he's been through, Straker. He's just an old man, whether you want to believe he loves you or not. "

"Who the hell do you think you are to tell me what to do or how I should feel about a father I never knew existed?"

"Russell Crain. And if you stopped and thought about it, you'd be glad that you have a father at all. I lost mine. I know."

"Don't try to dictate to me how I ought to think!"

Alec came slowly into the room. He'd been right behind Russell and had heard everything.

"Ed, it's been a long night, we could all use some sleep. It's enough to know you're okay."

"No Alec! It isn't. I want to know why he left. You're Benjamin's brother, aren't you?"

"Come on, Mr. E, I talked to the police, I settled things. You can leave anytime you want. I'll take us home."

"Russ, I came this far. I tried to run away now, I tried to run away all those years ago. It's time I told him. He deserves to know."

"I don't want you hurt."

Evan smiled at Russell.

"I'll be all right. And then I want you to move in for good. I want you to be a partner in my business."

"That's not for me, Mr. E. A bunch of overpriced, overrated, unnecessary goods? Nah, not for me." Russell grinned.

"Extravagances for Evan has fed us both for years, what is your expression, don't knock it?" Evan chuckled.

"Oh my God, I've bought things from your catalogue!" Claire said in disbelief. Ed scowled at her, and she went silent, took his hand, and didn't allow him to pull away. He scowled some more, but he allowed her to win that victory.

"I noticed the waterfall earrings which I designed." Evan said shyly.

"Not exactly appropriate for a doctor, but I forgot to take them off. We were all supposed to go to a dinner party, to celebrate Edward and I formally adopting a little girl. "

"Claire, I told Miriam to look after everybody! I forgot about Anne, where is she?"

"With Angel and Perry and Haversham, she's fine, Edward, just worried about her Daddy."

"Ed, come on. We can settle this in the morning." Alec suggested.

"No, Alec. If he has a story, I want to hear it."

"I will tell you." Evan said.

"You aren't having a panic attack. I've never seen you like this, Mr. E."

"I'm not running anymore. I'm a Straker. I tried to forget that. But the Straker blood is in me, and we don't run away." Evan looked up at Ed. "And we don't forget those that we love."

"Don't give me that. I don't even know you. I don't want to know you."

Evan suddenly stood up and walked to Ed. Ed shot him a look that would have withered an oak tree, and he shook a little, but he went on looking at Ed.

"Rosemary is why I didn't come for you. Rosemary and the man she preferred. Benjamin Straker, my older brother. Ben, who took her from me, and it felt like my soul had been taken away from me."

"Edward, I think you should have a private talk with him. I'll be right outside, sweetheart, just please, at least sit. When they admitted you, you were in shock from blood loss, please sit down?"

"Want me to stay, Mr. E?" Russell asked.

"You go home. To our home. You sleep."

"I'll go raid the snack machine, get some java, then I'll be outside when you need me, Mr. E. I can't say it's been a pleasure, Mr. Straker. Alec, thanks for everything."

"No problem. Just be careful where you stick that illegal gun I never saw." grinned Alec. "And Craine?"

"Yeah?"

"No booze."

"Yeah? When you put the cork down too, maybe." Russell said, and then was gone.

"Edward, please?"

"All right, all right. I'm a bit woozy."

"I'll call home and say you're all right, so Anne and the others don't worry. I'll be right back, want a coffee?"

"Thanks."

Evan went and sat on the bed. Ed sat in a corner chair, and Alec took a place standing beside Ed.

"You made the jewelry Claire had on?" Alec asked.

"That's the waterfall collection. I design everything in my shop. I always dreamed things up, even as a young man, I drew things. I made things. Ben wasn't appreciative of beautiful things, even living in our family home in Boston, where everything was beautiful. Especially in the fall, when the trees turned colours. I had a tree outside my room. You sleep with a tree outside your bedroom too, Edward."

"A hawthorne. But how do you know that? Have you been spying on me?"

"I would send Russell sometimes, to see what you were doing. To see if you were all right. Anyway, I know, because you would choose your mother's bedroom, I just knew it. I posed for that painting. I met her, out in the-"

"What painting?"

"He covered it up, Edward. Larry. Because-well, because. I came to see her one day. When you were lost in Vietnam. I came, when he was away. When Peregrine was there, painting. She was inconsolable, as was I. I came. We walked in the gardens. The gardens are breathtaking, all of Silk Wood Manor was breathtaking. And we made love in that bedroom, for only the second time in our lives. I never even told Russell that, and I tell Russell everything. I was ashamed." Evan started to weep softly. "I felt guilt for what I had done. She didn't belong to me, I was making love to another man's woman. Afterwards, she asked Peregrine Falcon to paint me. On that bench. My favourite bench, beautifully made. But not on canvas. He did a mural, on the bedroom wall. And just as he finished it, Lawrence came back. There was a terrible row. She raised her voice to him for the first time in her life, and he tried to destroy the mural. She wouldn't let him. She told me to go. She begged me to go, Edward. Just like she begged me not to tell you I was your father. I left. I've never been able to deny her anything. I learned afterwards that Larry had covered it up with wood, and he hadn't given the manor to you, he had not carried out her last wishes. She died soon after I left, thinking you were dead. I didn't know it, but her heart was bad. She was so beautiful, Rosemary. Even then, when we were both older. So beautiful. I went to my first store, to look at it for the last time, I had intended to kill myself. You were gone, she was gone. My success meant nothing to me. Nothing. The only reason I am alive today is that Russell came in." Evan chuckled softly. "He was pretty bad off. I saw him steal a flask. I confronted him, and we became friends. He too, was broken inside. His father had died, he never knew his mother, she died in childbirth, and his father raised him. Well, I lived for him. We looked after one another, much as Alec there looks after you."

"None of what you claim explains why I wasn't told you existed." Ed snapped. Alec sighed.

"Ed, maybe you ought to not know. What matters is that he's here now, and he plainly loves you."

"Alec, give me one good reason why I should even bother to listen to a man who for all these years didn't bother to even hint at the fact he was my father!" Ed yelled, jumping up out of the chair.

"All right, I will, you bloody fool! Because he needs to be the one that looks after you now. Because somebody has to do it when I die. And I don't have long. And that's really why Miriam and I eloped in Hawaii, so we could be married, like I planned. Because she knows. She knows my son won't have his father. And I have to leave you both alone, damn it! I know my death will hurt you horribly. And I can't do anything about it. They were giving me radiation at hospital in Hawaii, Ed. But it had spread too bloody fast. I'm dying of prostrate cancer."

"Wha-wha-wha-" Ed stammered. "Alec-no--"

"Oh merciful God, Alec," Evan said softly. "Oh God."

Alec pounded the wall with his fist, and went out the door. Ed looked stricken, dropped into the chair. He bent and lowered his head slowly into his palms. He shook his head, side to side.

"Edward, go be with him." Evan said.

Ed raised his head slowly, and looked at Evan as if he'd never seen him before.

"I should have known. I should have known he wouldn't keep me from his wedding - oh God, oh God, what am I going to do without him, Dad? There's no life without him in it. What am I going to do?"

"Go find him, and be with him. Hurry. You don't have any time to lose. Go, Edward."

"Yes. Yes. I should go. I need to be strong. For him. Yes."

Ed got up, so strongly in shock that he did not see Claire standing there, outside the door, did not comprehend that she'd been standing there, listening through the door, did not see her sobbing, having heard every word. He went past her, half stumbling, still a sad figure, in bandages, in the flimsy gown, past her, until he was gone. Claire went inside the room.

"Evan, he's going to die."

"None of us escape our mortality, Claire. Alec obviously wanted Edward to be happy with you and his new child, and not spoil it with his news."

"No, Evan. Not Alec. Not Alec. Edward. My precious Edward. They have a bond. If Alec dies, he will. He will," she sobbed. "I always knew someday I'd lose him. He never completely belonged to me. He belonged to his job, and Alec. Even if he didn't know it. He's going to die."

Evan got up and embraced Claire, and she cried against him.

"I won't let it happen. I'll stop it somehow." he told her.

* * *

Ed circled the hospital halls several times, ignoring the people who saw him and came up to him. He stumbled finally through the entrance, and the security guard came up to him, summoned by one of the doctors who had seen him. The guard recognized him, and stepped away from him. Ed wandered into the car lot. He looked everywhere. Finally he left, and walked quite a distance until he came to a pub near hospital. With relief, he saw Alec in a booth, and sat across from him.

"Jesus Christ, Ed, have you been walking around like that, by yourself, with your arse sticking out? Soho streetwalkers wear more clothes than that."

Ed reached over and took the drink that was in front of Alec, and in a long gulp, drained it.

"CHRIST, are you nuts, Ed? That was a straight double scotch!"

"As you can see, I don't have any money."

"You never have any money, the way you spend it." Alec replied.

"You'll have to buy me drinks. I intend to drink until I pass out. Buy me another one."

"Any preference?" Alec asked, grinning slightly. He couldn't help it. People in the pub were staring now.

Ed actually contemplated the question before he replied.

"Something alcoholic." he decided.

"Right then. Two more doubles, my good man. Stick your eyes back in your sockets, you look like you've never seen a half naked, barefoot man in your pub before. My money is good. Two more of your best, and keep them coming. I'm celebrating."

"Alec, what the hell are you celebrating? You're dying of cancer. What is there to celebrate?"

"The fact that I finally had the guts to tell you I was dying."

"Alec, have Claire examine you. Get a second opinion, we can-"

Alec shook his head.

"I'm too far gone, Ed. The doctors levelled with me. "

"I won't let this happen."

"Ed, you can intimidate Ford. You can get funds for you know what out of Ayers Rock. You can be in a 200 mph crash and walk away with a scratch. But you can't do anything now but bury me when it's proper to do so."

"Here you are, gentlemen. But that's your last, I close in fifteen minutes."

"Bring me the bottle." Ed said to the bartender.

"Mister, I don't think-"

"BRING ME THE FUCKING BOTTLE!" Ed yelled. The other people all began to pay for their drinks and quietly filed out the door. Ed was quite clearly one of those loonies who would open fire on everyone. They'd seen it enough times on satellite telly, all Americans were insane. And Ed's accent gave away his country of origin.

The bartender brought the fucking bottle. It was half full.

Ed picked up both his drink and Alec's. Alec's eyes widened as Ed drank both down. Then Ed reached for the bottle. Alec tried to stop him, but Ed roughly pushed his hand away.

"Ed, for the love of God. " Alec said, no longer finding the situation funny. He watched as Ed drank it down. Then Ed looked at the bottle.

"Ed, I need to get you back to hospital. Claire must be worried to death."

Ed's reply was to smash the bottle down on the floor. Then he dropped his head into his hands. Alec saw his shoulders shake, and with alarm thought that Ed was having a seizure. But then Ed looked up and Alec realized he had been soundlessly weeping.

"Ed, Christ. Don't. I can't watch you do this. This is why I went to Hawaii. To spare you this."

"There will never be any substitutes, you bastard."

"Ed-"

"There will never be any substitutes for you. Not Daniel, not anyone. Will you finally believe it now? Do you have to watch me go to pieces to believe it? There is no world without you. Nobody will take your place. It doesn't work like that, Alec. I need you. You can't leave me. I need you. You can't leave me. You son of a bitch, you can't die on me. It's tearing me apart, Alec. "

"Ed. Don't. Please don't." Alec pleaded, now weeping himself.

"You didn't want to spare me, you bastard. You wanted to spare YOU. From watching this. From watching me go to pieces. Oh, I'll be a good husband to Claire, and a father to Anne. I may even be cordial with that stranger who is my father. But I'll be empty. I'll be like that bottle. In pieces."

"Ed. Come on. You're drunk. You never could hold anything past a drop. Come on. I'll take us home."

"No." Ed dropped his head on the table, and covered his head with his hands.

"Ed, for the love of-what the hell?"

Ed raised his head to see what puzzled Alec. The pub was filled with a mist. It seemed like only he and Alec were the living things occupying the room. Ed swerved to look behind him, thinking the mist was coming from outside. The door was shut. The windows were shut and locked.

"What's going on?" Ed asked, afraid now. "Alec, do you see that?"

"Ed, what the fuck is that? Over there? What do you see?"

"Grey mist. Like in the hills. Mist, everywhere. Aliens? Alec, are you armed?"

"Over there, what do you see?"

Ed looked to see what Alec was pointing at. It was a bird.

His bird.

It was sitting on the bar counter, watching the two men. Then it rose into the air, flew in a graceful arc over their heads, and then settled in front of Ed. It moved to and fro on the table, cocked its head. Ed could hear its talons clicking on the table.

"Are we BOTH having hallucinations?" Alec said.

"I know this bird, Alec. I know it. I--yes! YES! Nothing dies in the Between!! Alec, is your car nearby?"

"No, Mir took it, I stayed. Why? And what the hell do you mean this is your bird? Wait, you're not saying this is the one that died, and Perry made it alive again, are you? The blasted one that sits in that tree and sings in the morning?"

"Come on. She closed it, but this bird wouldn't come if there wasn't a way to get in. There has to be."

"You merely have to believe, Ed," a voice said. It was Peregrine Falcon.

"Perry, you need to - Alec, put that gun away."

"Ed, he came out of nowhere! Something fishy is going on here!"

"Alec, will you just shut up? Put away the gun. Perry, I need to go back into the Between again. You have to show me the way. You have to. She closed it-"

"There are those with pure hearts who believe, Ed. Such as your bird. But you cannot enter and leave the Between without making a sacrifice."

"I'll do anything to save his life. Anything, do you understand, Perry? I can't allow him to die."

"Are you prepared to face what Evan will tell you, Ed?"

"Is that the sacrifice you are talking about?"

Perry put out his hand, and the bird flew over to him, and settled on his finger contentedly. He nodded at Ed.

"Yes." Perry said. "It will not be easy for you."

"Perry, I told you. I will do anything to save him."

"Then yes. Follow this bird. And enter what cannot be entered. See what cannot be seen. You will penetrate the Between." Perry's figure slowly faded, leaving just the little bird. The door to the pub opened, and the mist disappeared. The bartender was standing there.

"You two nutters owe me for that bottle."

"Pay the man, Alec."

"Ed-"

"Will you pay the man?" Ed said in frustration, watching the bird fly around him. Alec gawked, he could see it, but obviously the bartender couldn't. Alec paid. Ed got up, and they both went out.

"Ed, are you telling me that place you were trapped in is real?"

"Where did the bird go? Oh there it is. Yes, Alec. I told you. I know its real. Just like I know that bird is not really a bird."

"Ed, you came out of that place last time, and you, well, weren't you."

"I have to do this, Alec. Come on."

"Come on where?"

"I don't know yet. We need a car."

"Ed, he mentioned a sacrifice- I won't let you-"

"Now you listen to me, Alec Freeman. You're dying. You have no say in this. You'll do as I bloody well say. Now we need a car. We may have to steal one. No time to go back to hospital and get - CLAIRE!"

"You damn idiot! Do you know how much you scared me? God, Edward!"

"How did you find me?"

"Edward Straker, your breath smells like a distillery. Have you been drinking? Edward, you just nearly bled to death, pins and needles, Edward, you don't have a sensible brain cell in your head, do you? I just started checking every pub I could find. I figured he'd be drinking, and you'd find him, and be with him. Edward, over there, isn't that-"

"My bird? Yes, yes. Claire, do you have your car?"

"Of course. And I'm taking you two morons home."

"No, we have to go into the Between."

"My God, Edward, no. I remember what it did to you. No." she said, clutching him.

"Claire, nothing dies in the Between. It will save Alec. It will save me."

"Claire, talk some sense into him. Perry appeared and said he'd have to listen to Evan, that it would be some sort of sacr - Claire?"

"some sacrifice. . . Rosemary . . . it has to do with Rosemary . . ."

"You're sensing something." Ed told her, excited. "You feel it, don't you? The Between. In a sense, I never left it-"

"Edward, I sense pain. Grief. A lot of pain. Disappointment. I don't feel these things, damn it, my ESP doesn't usually come like this--"

The bird emitted a cry and circled them urgently.

"Claire, no time to argue. We have to go fully into the Between."

Claire sighed deeply. She clutched Ed tightly, holding on to him, looking at him. She let go and squeezed Alec's hand tightly for a moment. Then she nodded.

"This way." she said. Ed and Alec followed her to her green Volvo.

So did the bird.

* * *

"Edward, are you sure we should go this way? We've been driving for hours. Alec, for goodness-"

Claire sighed when she saw that Alec was fast asleep, snoring. Ed looked over at Alec sadly.

"He wouldn't have told me. He didn't want to watch me react to his wasting away."

"Edward, going through radiation and chemo isn't easy. You would have suffered more than he did, just watching. He did the right thing. You deserve happiness. You had just started to love Anne, and to recover from your experiences in the Between." she told him, and turned her attention back to the road, watching the bird circling just ahead of them. "You would have been in misery if you had to take part in it. And you would have taken part in it. You would have insisted on it. I know my husband."

"I love you, Claire. No matter what happens, remember that."

"Edward, please don't talk like that. Please. You told me Perry said that you needed to believe."

"Perry is part of it now. He isn't really human anymore. That bird isn't a bird, it's an illusion. The closer I get to the Between, the more things I remember. Rosemary told me about my father, she told me about Evan. I cannot recall the details of what she said."

"Edward, I don't like the fact that my mobile isn't working. I don't like that I don't understand what the Between actually is. I think we - oh damn, what a time to run out of petrol, I was sure my tank was full!"

The car had stopped.

"We're here, Claire, that's why it stopped."

"Where's here? This isn't near the area I was told you crashed in, and it isn't anywhere near the area you disappeared in."

"Alec, wake up."

"Hmm-wha..damn it, Ed, don't you ever sleep." Alec moaned and closed his eyes again. Ed chuckled and shook him, hard. "ED, damn it, stop it!"

"Wake up, get out of the car."

"Edward, I think I have some clothes for you in the trunk. It's almost 2 am in the morning, you'll freeze in that thing."

"Thank God, my toes are frozen!" Ed complained with a grin, and winced as he opened the door and stepped into the icy Autumn morning air.

"I wouldn't be worried about my toes if I were you. A man has other body parts he protects." grumbled Alec. "That was the one thing I hated the most. Not that the radiation and chemo were a thrill, but our wedding night-well, never mind."

Ed was pulling on a sweatshirt, and buckling a pair of jeans. He paused, and looked at Alec sadly.

"You and Mir. No sex?"

"Ed, that isn't anything I want to talk about."

"Why? Edward and I have had times he couldn't. When he's been hurt, injured, for example. It isn't anything to be ashamed about."

Ed chuckled at his wife.

"Women. You could fill a book with the things they don't know."

"All right, I admit I don't know how rough it is for men. I'm a doctor. But even as a woman, it didn't make me love Edward any less."

"You always made it easier, when I couldn't perform."

"I didn't marry a trained seal in the circus, Edward. I married a man. How are you feeling?"

"Woozy, tired, and my feet are still freezing."

"I found you some socks, but these sneakers are pretty chewed up. I think Ian let Molly play with them while he was working on my car." she grinned.

"Remind me to fire Molly and shoot Ian when I get home."

"Shouldn't that be the other way around?" Alec asked, amused.

"I think all that liquor I consumed is kicking in."

"Just how much were you drinking, you imbecile?" Claire complained.

"Two glasses and half a bottle of scotch." Alec said, grinning widely.

"Edward Straker!" Claire screeched. She swatted Ed on the back of the head.

"Yeow! Hell of a way to treat a patient."

"Hell of a way for a patient to act, now quit screwing around, and get those shoes on."

"I wasn't screwing around, but it could be arranged, Mrs. Straker." Ed announced, playing with Claire's hair and nuzzling her neck. She slapped him away playfully.

"He's freezing to death. and he's making jokes." Claire said, rolling her eyes, and trying to hide a grin and her arousal.

"You would, wouldn't you? Just to rub my inability in." Alec whined.

"It's karma for all those poor starlets you seduced." Ed chuckled.

"And I thought I was getting old. That was Foster, remember?" Alec replied. "Ed, what's the matter?" Alec had seen Ed go pale again, and hold Claire tighter to him.

"Edward, what is it?" she asked gently.

"The bird. It's gone." Ed trembled. "How will we know where the entrance is?"

"The bird, gone?" Alec said. Damn, and I had almost started to believe in it. I started to believe I would live. For my son. For Miriam. And for Ed--

* * *

"I should be there for Ed, Russell."

"Look, I'm sorry about what Alec is going through, but this is something your son has to work through by himself."

"No, Russ, I've left him alone far too long. I listened to Rosemary dictate to me about what I should do. My son will go into the Between again. I feel it."

"What the hell are you talking about, Mr. E?"

"Russ, I used to get sick all the time, as a small kid. So I'd lie in bed, read books, faerie tales, mostly. I'd let myself get lost in them. I used to lie at night, and look at the tree outside my window, and pretend it led to a faerie kingdom. Well, as I grew up, I put aside those books, and studied art, and design, and philosophy, business, psychology. People want to believe in something in their lives, Russ. In the middle of everything that is ugly in this world, people seek good in the evil. That's why I make beautiful things for them to have. To remind them that beauty is real. Hope is real." Evan's mouth curled in a smile, and Russell's hair stood on end of how much that gesture reminded him of the younger Straker. "That the faerie tale kingdom is real. But in our struggle to compete, to get ahead, to beat down others, to have it all, we forget that. Years later, I came to Silk Wood Manor, once I had a little success of my own. And I met Peregrine Falcon. And he'd been missing, I think it was for months, maybe years. And he told me he had been in the Between, he told me all about it. I told him that I used to pretend as a boy. I said I'd give a lot to see it. Do you know what he did, Russ?"

"Waved his magic wand and turned you into a dragon?"

Evan laughed.

"I would have liked that, but no, no. He waved his hand and showed me the garden. He asked me what did I see? I told him I saw beauty, and peace, and calm. He smiled, Russ. He said, then you already have seen the between, gentle Evan. Because you have never really stopped believing. And then he walked away, and I saw Rosemary. My son has never had to see another part of Rosemary, the part that was like Benjamin. I have to make him see, and that will hurt him. I never wanted to hurt him. But he needs to see truth, and that's in the Between to. Russ, you already know what my driving is like." Evan chuckled.

"Yeah, you're a weapon of en masse destruction, why?"

"I need you to take me into the Between, to help Edward."

"Yeah? I think the antiseptics around this place have screwed up your brain, Mr. E. What do you want me to do? Click my ruby red heels together and say there's no place like home? Climb some tree? Throw glitter dust around?"

"I've always thought you looked like an elf anyway. No. We need to find the Between, and I need to be there for Edward. "

"Yeah, and what map is this Between on?"

"Will you drive me, Russell?"

"Now I know I should have hit the bottle, not that bird poop they call coffee around here. Okay. Let's go. I need a good laugh. "

* * *

"Nothing. We've been walking for at least a mile, and nothing." Ed said, and began to cough. Claire looked nervously at him. "You're thinking this is a waste of time, Alec. I can feel it." The three of the weary travelers sunk down into some damp grass near some rocks.

"Ed, let's just go back home, and, if you really want me to, I'll get a second opinion."

"Why, Alec?" Ed said plaintively. "You're already convinced you will die. And you didn't bother to come to me for help."

"Ed, damn it, are you going to run that into the ground? I didn't want to upset you-"

"That's what my father said! That's what he said all those years ago. He'll never understand! Why bother? Like I have no right to make up my own mind about my mother, and the choice she made. It hurt me, Alec. It poisoned my own feelings about myself to the point that when a gun was put up against my head, all I could think about was my mother. Because I felt loved, and safe, and cared for with her. I had no connection with Benjamin because I didn't want to look at that side of myself. And all that time, she was just as ugly as the man I was led to believe was my father. She lied, Alec. My trust in her, and my trust in you, is forever broken. Yes, yes, the cancer will take you away from me. But the moment you started to think that I couldn't handle being with you when you needed me, the moment you blindingly pushed me away, is the moment you already left."

"I don't know what you're talking about, Ed!"

"STOP IT! Alec, wait, listen to what Edward is saying. Edward, listen to what you said. You're talking about Rosemary and the choice she made. What choice?" Claire said.

Ed looked perplexed.

"I- I don't know. I'm tired. I'm cold, I'm beaten. Yes, Alec, I'm beaten. I don't say that very often, do I? No. I don't. Because in Shado, you can't tell the men and women that depend on you that you , yourself, are afraid too. So I live a lie. I never told you how much I appreciated you being there. There when I marched into that registry office and married the girl I loved. There when she accused me of adultery and hated me. There when I buried my son. There when Henderson would come up with some slur against me. There when I needed you. It wouldn't have cost me to reach out and say, thank you, Alec. Thank you. So I'm why you thought I would be happier with Daniel. I'm why you went away to die, without allowing me to be at your side. It's my fault."

Claire reached over and slapped Ed across the face. Both he and Alec stared at her in shock. Ed lifted his hand to his stinging cheek. Claire had been kneeling, her doctor's lab coat smudged, her hair messed, clearly at wit's end. She pounded her fists down on her sides.

"No, damn it! Why must you always blame yourself? Edward, why must you always get it so damn wrong? He's the idiot, don't you see that? He's the one who gave up! And Edward, you beat up on yourself so much when people screw you over, when its them that is at fault. You did it with Mary, and with Margaret, and with Lily. It took me forever to convince you that I loved you. I take responsibility for being such a coward that I didn't want to even know you, because I didn't want to lose you. How stupid is that? I ought to have loved you more in the space of time that I had you. MORE, Edward, not less. You didn't ask for Shado. But it isn't in you to not give anything less than two hundred percent to everything. To Shado, to me, to Alec. So Alec would have died, and you wouldn't have understood why he didn't use what time he had to be there with you, and you could have been there with him. You would have grieved, yes. But you would have known. And he would have been at peace. Because damn it, I love YOU, Edward. Not the god almighty all powerful commander of Shado. YOU. The man who spoils his daughter. The man who is so worked up about being a Daddy again that he forgets people need money to pay for the millions of dolls Anne has. She doesn't need any more dolls, Edward. She needs us to love her. Especially you. I was afraid of being a mother in my last years, darling. But you've made it so easy. God, I love you. So why can't you love Alec without beating up on yourself with guilt? You aren't responsible for him. You aren't responsible for what I did to you. Just be, Edward. Just be with us. Alec, for heaven's sake, pins and needles, you're the one I should hit! How can you think that going away would be easier for Edward? You know how and who he is. You should have known that going away would hurt him more. You don't believe in anything anymore. You don't believe in yourself, or that your son needs you. Miriam attacked me and I didn't understand it. Now I do. When have you ever protected her the way you protect Edward? When have you ever been with her, really been with her? She's scarred on the outside, but she's scarred on the inside worse. Men! Why did I ever get myself mixed up with men? They're such babies! Why can't we just love one another? Why can't we just hold on to what we have? Oh, Edward, I'm afraid, I'm so afraid, I don't want to be handed a neatly folded flag while I sit and listen to a rifle salute or see jets in the sky while they lower your coffin - your coff - Edward-GOD, Edward. I think about it, I dream about it, I live with it. They brought you in the stretcher and I asked myself is this it? You walked away from me and your daughter, and I thought is this it? They would bury a hero, but I can't get warm at night snuggling up to memories of your illustrious career, I can't love a dead man. Screw being a widow, screw your military friends, screw that! I want my HUSBAND! And damn YOU, Alec, don't you UNDERSTAND that when you die, he'll die too? Oh, he'll fake it, that's Edward, he'll put up his good face, he'll show bravery. But he'll be empty. Part of him will be buried with YOU! Why didn't you take care of yourself, you bastard? Fine, you didn't do it for you, or baby Alec, or even for your wife, but why didn't you do it for EDWARD?" Claire sobbed.

Ed took a deep breath.

"Do you know what I hate about women, Alec?"

"Yeah." Alec nodded, roughly rubbing away tears with a grubby hand.

"They're usually right." Ed said softly. "You could fill a book with the things they know. " Ed reached out and pulled the hysterically crying woman to himself, and pulled Alec's head to him, and Alec lost it, and cried into Ed's chest while Claire did the same thing, pulling him to her so hard he thought he'd be ripped in half.

"No goddamn bird, Ed. There's no fucking bird." Alec moaned softly and then cried again.

"We stopped believing in it, Alec. We have to believe again." Ed intoned quietly, and then he kissed Claire's hair as she shook with her sobs. "I love you. I love you both." he murmured.

* * *

"You've stopped believing, Russ."

"Yeah, well, its like this, Mr. E. When your Dad's partner who worked the beat with him for ten years suddenly does coke he got from a murder scene, and he gets your Dad slammed into the big house for what he did, frames him, and the guys and gals who once praised him to the skies turns on him like a buzzard chewing dead meat, yeah, you tend to stop believing. You know what my Dad said before he died, Mr. E? He told me to be a good boy, and he said he forgave his partner. Well, I never forgave him. And I never stopped drinking, not even when they got the goods on him, and all Dad's pals came up to me and said how sorry they were. How they wanted to give him his shield back. I told them where they fucking could put his shield, and I spit on them. So don't talk to me about believing."

"Stop the car, Russ."

"What?"

"Just stop it. I'll find the Between alone. You still need to heal."

"I'm not leaving you in the middle of nowhere, are you nuts?"

Evan turned to Russell with his hand on the door handle, chuckling.

"Yes. Which is why I can see the Between." Evan leaned over and kissed Russell on his cheek, and then got out. Russ sat there, stunned. Then he noticed Evan was walking away, walking toward a mist. Damn English weather, he thought, and got out of the car and hurried up to Evan.

Evan disappeared.

"What the FUCK?"

Russell looked around him. The sun was rising, and the mist had cleared like it had never been there in the first place.

* * *

"I love you both. Do you hear me?"

"Edward, come on, we have to keep going, we'll find it, you can't just sit there, you'll freeze to death." Claire said, pulling him up.

"We need to go home, Ed. I'll make the best of the time we have together." Alec promised.

There was a loud POP!

Ed jumped, and both his and Alec's hands went for their guns. Alec had his, but Ed gripped only air, and pulled an indignant Claire behind him to shield her.

"I'm not made of porcelain, damn it, Edward Straker!"

"You look like porcelain." a voice said.

"DAD! How in blazes-?" Ed cried.

"I believe. That's how, son. Come on, I can feel where the entrance is."

"You know about it." Ed said in disbelief.

"I know. Come on, we have to save Alec's life."

"Dad, there's a price to be paid to open it again. That's my responsibility, agreed?"

"Is he always like this?" Evan asked Claire.

"Oh shit yes. " Claire sighed. "He marches into hell for a heavenly cause, and the dummy Australian follows him in."

"Of course he does." chuckled Evan.

"All right, Dad, lead the way."

"You've been calling me Dad, you know."

"Technically you are, so I might as well get used to it." Ed shrugged.

"I hope I'm living up to your expectations, son. I love you."

"We'll discuss that later. Come on, Alec."

The four of them came upon a glowing column in the middle of the mist, which swirled around them. Evan looked up at it, smiled.

"I imagined it might be like this."

"Like a operating room door?" Claire said in puzzlement to Evan.

"What operating room door? I see the door to a tower." Ed put in. "Alec, what do you see? Alec? Where'd Alec go?"

"He's frightened, Edward." Evan said.

"If I was dying of cancer, I'd be frightened too. I have to make him see that no one dies in the Between." Ed went over to where the Australian stood shivering, looking at the black door he saw.

"Alec, what's wrong?"

"Ed, I can't do this. Maybe for once I can't follow you. If I go in there, I won't come out alive."

"Damn you, fine. Then lead me."

"Ed, I can't. I am scared, damn it. You've always been the better man. Hey! Let go of me! DAMN, Ed! EDDDDDDDD!" and there was a loud POP! as Ed grabbed Alec by the collar and shoved him into the column of light, then took Evan's and Claire's hand, and jumped through himself.

* * *

"Frances! What are you doing home? "

"I live here, Stanley, or have you forgotten that along with your vows to the church?"

"Ian, here, take this album to Anne, I promised her I'd show her my candids of Q-tip. I'll be back at the manor in a couple of minutes."

"Sure thing, Angel." Ian said, not doing the greatest job of sounding upbeat. Ed, Claire and Alec, and then Evan, had all gone missing, been missing for a week. Not even Shado had managed to find them, let alone New Scotland Yard. Carlin was in command, and from all accounts, Ed was right about where he belonged. The skies. Studio business was a mess, films were delayed or over budget, directors were demanding to hear from Straker, Carlin, like Alec before him, had learned the hard way that sitting in the Commander's chair was a lot harder than it seemed. Ford spent more time in Dr. Nelson's office than he did at his command station, morale was low, people whispered that there were rumours that Alec was sick. Ian went out, more than happy to entertain Anne, who was upset that both her new parents had vanished. Ian was trying to convince her that no, the aliens hadn't split them open for their organs. The poor child was growing up too fast. Ian himself had found it hard to believe that aliens existed out there. Ed had finally brought him into his confidence after a year. Ian was beginning to wish he hadn't.

"Q-tip, Claire, Alec and Q-tip's father are all missing."

"Miriam called me. I know. This is a fine time to tell Edward that you're actually thinking of starting a new church."

"Alec told me he was sure that Q-tip would help me."

"Well he would, how often does Edward ever attend services? My heavens, Stanley, this house is a mess. What are you doing with that suitcase?"

"Frances, you didn't win any recipe contest. Where did you go?"

"I told you. Normandy."

"You lied."

"I entered that contest, and I was among those who got honourable mentions, so I did not lie, how dare a heathen who leaves the chu-"

"Your bloody church threw me out! How is that serving God?"

"Stanley Mitchell Brisby, don't you dare use that kind of language around me!" she said.

"Certainly, would you like me to say fucking church instead?" he intoned calmly. Her eyes were the size of pies at a church bake sale.

"This is the devil's work! This isn't you!"

"Oh shut up, woman, what do you care about me, I'll tell you what, not a thing. My whole life is gone, and all you think about is your standing in the neighbourhood, and losing the presidency of the woman's group. I've had it with you, Frances. I want a divorce. That way my sins won't stain your soul. You can have the house, and everything else. I'm going to start a new life for myself. I might build a new church, I might open a pub with poor Alec. Did you know he was dying? I tried and tried to go to Q-tip, Q-tip's always known what to do, but Alec begged me, and the word of an Australian is his bond. I love you, Cupcake-" Angel bit his lip to keep back tears, and then went on, "But I can't take your lies and your nagging, and I don't share your views of the Lord anymore. I've prayed on this, and I've made up my mind." Angel picked up his battered bag.

"Stanley!"

"No, no, no, Frances Cross, I never should have married Drummer's woman. It's over. Goodbye."

Frances watched him walk out, and the door slam behind him. She sank to the carpet, weeping. But pride prevented her from running after him and telling him she'd follow the devil, if only he'd be her sweetheart again. So she didn't. She despised that part of her, but appearances were appearances, and all she knew was the church. He'd walked out on her, that's what she'd tell her peers. They were right to criticise him. She rose, marched upstairs to unpack, lips set firmly, but heart just as firmly broken.

* * *

Russell Crain held a howling Molly. Molly had been moaning and carrying on without her master Alec, and her almost daily belly rub from Ed. Russ had finally gone to Silk Wood Manor, been questioned by Haversham, who had been threatening to quit every five minutes. The construction men, not knowing what to do, just kept on building, and chasing away the occasional press person who tried to question them. They finally pitched a tent on the property, and stayed instead of going home. But even they couldn't shut Molly up, not even with her favourite ball.

"Hush, will ya? I know you're upset. I've lost my master too, you know. I searched until my fingers bled, dog, but there's no finding them. Hush now, you'll scare the little girl."

"I want doggy inside," she said, clutching Ian's hand, and holding tightly onto a photo of Ed she had taken out of the album, which Ian carried for her.

"Come on in, it's cold out here, Russell, you can do with food and coffee. Angel's been in charge of meals, he'll be here in a while, had some business with his missus. Bring the dog, hell, why not. With Ed gone, there are no rules around here anyway."

Ian, in his misery, had forgotten that Molly was terrified of the rabbits.

"Fuck! Fuck! Stupid animals! As if we didn't have enough problems, you go and chew up Straker's bedroom wall?" Miriam yelled. Miriam picked up a magazine, and threw it at the ragged looking rabbits, who in all the confusion, hadn't been fed properly, and had taken to eating whatever they could find. The magazine hit Hazel, and she made the high pitched, heartrending scream that terrified lapines made.

Ian had come in, and heard the sound, and naturally Molly woofed, and barked, and carried on, and came up the staircase like Lassie on recreational drugs. Ian ran in, Russell behind him, the illegal gun drawn, Haversham ditto. Miriam wasn't paying attention, she was peeling back the wood that the rabbits had been chewing on.

"MOLLY! No, girl, no!"

The rabbits all turned, even the wounded Hazel. High Noon. Rabbits versus dog. It was bad enough Perry's damn cat sometimes wandered outside, where they couldn't get to it, on rabbit property! (Silk Wood Manor was rabbit property, they allowed Straker to think he owned it, stupid, dull human, even though he did pet them now and then, and brush their fur when his wife wasn't looking ) Now THIS! Well, they would duel to the rabbit death to protect this stupid dog from harming their master and mistress' bedroom! Okay, so they were chewing the wall, and had been for months, chewing was hard work. It had been for Ed's protection, never know when an alien could sneak behind walls. That was their story, this was do or die, and besides, that stupid woman had injured Hazel! They suspected she wasn't good enough for Alec, who sneaked them food when he was around. Die, dog, die! Uh, die?

The dog Molly was growling. Not at them. At Miriam! Well, well, well, he was defending Hazel! Hazel hopped over, putting in a few limps for good measure, since now she had everyone's attention, and she licked Molly. Bleh, tasted horrible, but bunny honour and all that. Molly licked her back, and then all the rabbits and the dog engaged in some grooming and licking and general agreement that owning humans was rough. Or in Molly's case, ruff ruff.

"That's it. I get told until my head spins, never let that dog near the bloody rabbits, never let the rabbits near the bloody dog, that's it. I quit. Straker and this whole household is NUTS!"

Ian grabbed a kicking Hazel, satisfied himself it was just bunny actress time, her fur was ruffled by the magazine blow but no harm apparent. He stared at Haversham.

"You can't quit, you're head of security! We'll never be able to get someone now!"

"I can quit, and I just did." Havershaw threw down his holster, gun, mobile, and electronic gear, and stomped out.

"Nice getup," Russell commented, picking up the small pack that operated the manor security system, and admiring it.

"YOU. Perry said you used to be a cop."

"Yeah, what of it? Cute rabbits. At least the poor dog finally shut up."

Ian picked up everything and plunged it at a startled Russell.

"Here, you're hired. First job is to help Angel and Perry take care of Anne. Ever guard anyone?"

"Yeah, as a matter of fact, yeah, but I work for Mr. E." Russell said, sticking his own gun in his pants, and strapping on the gear.

"Well that's Ed's Dad, so now Ed will be wanting him here, so you'll be here. Subject closed. I'm a driver, bloody hell, I'm not a bunny rabbit sitter. Miriam, will you bloody get away from that - Bloody Hell, what are you doing to that wall?"

"Stuff your undersized balls, Ian, I didn't do anything to it, but there's something behind it. And I hit that animal, who ought to be rabbit stew, because it was THEM that ruined this-" Mir jumped back, almost trampling on Molly's tail, causing Molly to growl at her again. The whole wall had finally fallen down. Ian gulped, expecting a huge hole. Instead, he saw a mural, in soft colours, of the garden, the area where Ed preferred to sit and read or do work on his laptop, or just recover from whatever medical calamity he was suffering from at the moment. The bench was there, and Ed was on it, wearing white, no, the face was different. Alike, but thinner than Ed's, and that didn't seem possible. Infinitely sad. He'd seen that look in Ed's eyes, but this wasn't Ed.

"I know that style. I've seen it before. It's Perry's." Ian said. "I've seen his sketchbooks."

"I want Daddy." Anne said, crying. "Daddy! Daddy!" she ran up to the wall and touched the mural.

"Bloody hell, I almost forgot you, little miss." Ian moaned. "Ed would- Ed would-" and he looked urgently at Russell for help. Russell sighed.

"You hurt Hazel. Mommie will be upset! I hate you!" Anne yelled at Miriam, and ran down the stairs, the bunnies and Molly following her.

"I'll take care of this," Russell said, going out, and Ian sighed.

"Oh don't give me that look Ian, like I did something terrible. You don't know the half of it."

"Don't YOU talk to me like I don't belong here. All you've done is feel sorry for yourself. Do you think beating up on the poor animals helps? Poor thing, I was so worried about the little miss that I have neglected them, and she's right, Claire would be upset. Do you think I don't know Alec has cancer?"

"Shit! How do you know?"

"I helped Alec pack everything into the taxi that morning. He dropped a bag, it was half open. Inside was a book about prostrate cancer. I should have gone straightaway to Ed, but he begged me not to. I've felt like seven kinds of fool ever since. You only feel sorry for yourself, well, think of the little miss. She lost her real mother, and now she's lost her new parents. I don't even want to be in the same room with you, and you have no right to be in here, get out."

Miriam made a movement toward him, and Ian jerked, bared his teeth at her, and went out.

Miriam went back to studying the mural.

"That isn't Ed. That's Evan, his father. Rosemary wanted to look at it, to remind herself of her decision, all those years ago. To choose money and prestige over love, just as Frances is doing now. Now Rosemary is trapped in the Between. The rabbits are wise, they knew that all of this needed to be revealed. They too, walk in the Between."

Miriam jumped.

"Perry, how the devil did you get in here?"

"From the Between."

"Oh screw that. You were right about Claire, but frankly, I personally think you're screwy."

"So does Alec. But he won't for long. He's alive, Miriam."

"WHERE?"

"You'll know soon."

"Look, old man, I don't like guessing gam-wha?"

Miriam had reached for Perry, but her hand went right through him. She drew back and slapped him, but she slapped air. She made a grab for him, but only succeeded into launching herself at the closed door.

"Angel is right, you know. Q-tip would have known what to do. But Angel did not do what was in his heart to do. So now, he has lost Frances. Frances has lost her soul. All in this house are broken. Edward will sacrifice a great deal, because he knows now what love is. He will go through great pain willingly, and bring back harmony to this place. For he too, like his father , the gentle Evan, walks in the Between."

"This is not happening!"

Perry smiled at her, and he faded.

"NOOOO! Damn you, god damn you, Perry, what's happening to my husband!" she screamed.

No one downstairs heard her. Then, forms began to materialise around her.

It's wonderful, Evan. Oh, Evan. He'll try to cover it up, Larry's jealous, he can't stand anyone around me, I think sometimes that Larry hopes my son, our son, never comes back.

Rosemary, don't allow yourself to believe that. I know Edward is alive, somewhere, I know it.

You can't know that, Evan. Why would you feel that, when I don't?

He's still my son, Rosemary. A father knows his son. He's alive, somewhere, in pain. I know pain, remember? I've known pain from the day you gave me back the engagement ring. I threw it into the river. Why I didn't throw myself in afterwards, I don't know.

God! God! God! How can I ever make you understand? I needed to marry. I promised my parents. I was expected to marry as well as I could. I would have been an old maid, that was a horrible fate for any girl my age! I wouldn't have ever gotten to that party if Georgina hadn't brought me along. They wouldn't have allowed a poor English girl like me to come to a party in Boston. I had to sew my own gown. Please, Evan. You have to understand. Say you understand.

I'll say whatever you want, darling Rosemary, sweet Rosemary, love, but it isn't going to change anything. I don't understand. I gave you a chance to come with me. You let Ben lure you, when inside you, you knew he only wanted you so he could boast he was taking something away from me. He hated me, he always hated me. Grandmother and his own parents despised him, and preferred me.

No, Evan, please don't go!

You were Ben's and now you're Larry's. We shouldn't have laid with one another. It's wrong. Nothing good will come of it. Someday, I will see my son, and he'll know. He'll know. I would have gone to him, Rosemary. You begged me not to, and I listened. Good old dependable Evan, the inferior brother, never as good as Ben. Goodbye, Rosemary. You have the painting now. It consists of nothing, just colour and paint, colour and paint. All illusion. Like your love for me. It lasted up until the moment I said I was turning my back on the Straker name, and the money it came with, everything after that was illusion. Goodbye.

No, my little boy is gone, his plane's gone down in that terrible war, I can't lose you, not again, please, EVAN!!!

Miriam sunk down onto the carpet, shuddering, remembering her own loss.

I don't know how to tell you this, love.

What, babe?

I have prostrate cancer. I couldn't go to Mayland, went to a clinic, not Mayland, they would have gone straightaway to Ed, and I have to protect Ed.

Alec, God! Look, people recover from cancer, we'll-

No, love. The doctors started the chemo, but a second exam showed it's spreading. Look, you have relatives in Hawaii, let's get married there, elope. They have good hospitals there. I'll let them look at me. We don't have time to plan the wedding Ed wanted us to have, you know Ed, wanted all the bells and whistles, wanted my good mate Angel to officiate, you know how Ed is. I wouldn't be able to keep it from him long. It'll kill him. I don't intend to tell him.

we can elope. If I have to lose you, I want to be your widow. I don't understand why you don't want to tell Straker.

Promise me you won't. I don't want to spoil things for Ed. He'll have a lot on his hands with Anne, shouldn't be long before he gets custody. I haven't told him, I've just told Angel, and Angel promised to keep it quiet. Ian found out, and he promised the same. Promise me, Mir.

You have my word, babe. I love you.

You'll look after my son?

Yes.

I never deserved Ed, or my boy, and I don't deserve you. Hold me tight, okay? Hold me tight and pretend we met when I was younger, younger and handsomer, and not so stupid. Just hold this old man tight. Tighter.

Babe, babe, babe!

Miriam sobbed and sobbed.

* * *

"Claire! Dad! Aleccc?"

"You're awfully loud, you know." the little girl said. She smiled.

Ed's heart was beating like he'd finished a 3 mile race in one mile time.

"They disappeared! Who are you?"

"You don't remember. I'm Ruthie."

"This is still the Between, isn't it? I'm not having a nightmare?"

"Look." she said.

Ed was shrinking. Shrinking so fast, he didn't have any time to cry out. And then all his body hurt, and his lip was bleeding. It wasn't happening. It couldn't be happening. But it was happening. Nine. Alone. After school. The bullies had beaten him up again, for the way he talked, and because he was teacher's pet. He couldn't tell Mummy. The library would know. He went there a lot. He loved it there. Someday, he would be so famous, that a book about him would be there. But now, he hurt. Hurt so much. But he hadn't cried. Daddy said men didn't cry. But for God's sake you are only nine! Ed found himself shouting, and he too was there. His small self looked up at him suspiciously.

"Who are you?"

"YOU. Grown up."

"That's wicked good. Wait, how do I know you're real?"

"There's a National Geographic cover hidden under your mattress, a bare breasted woman, first breasts you ever saw." Ed grinned. "You tore it off the magazine in the library." His small self blushed.

"I never saw Mummy like that. I saw Ruthie though."

"Mummy? You never will. Ruthie? Go on. I remember now. I went to the library, and I went to the information counter. And she was horrified. I told her I wanted to learn to defend myself. And she took me home, and introduced me to her husband. He had been beaten himself, because he was Jewish. He taught me judo, and to use my fists, and where to strike. And I said I would pay, but I didn't have anything but lunch money and he said his daughter was failing math, and would I teach her, since I excelled at maths. And I did. And I fell in love with her." the little him said defiantly.

"She was only eight. My mother didn't approve." Ed chuckled, remembering. "Her name was Ruth Rosenburg, but I knew her as Ruthie. I drew her pictures. I gave her a kiss. The first genuine kiss for both of us. We, well, looked at ourselves, curious kids wanting to grow up and be married someday. Her father caught us, and threw me out. I was heartbroken. I planned to run away from home and marry her. But we moved, and nobody dared touch me in school, because I kicked the stuffings out of the new bully. Ruthie, my first love."

"Yep. I tried to write you love letters, but Daddy wouldn't let me." she giggled.

"How come he's seeing this?" his small self asked.

"He took the words out of my mouth. Or his mouth. Whatever." Ed said, confused now.

"He is fighting looking where he should be." Ruthie said. "He has to look there."

"He will, he's brave, he's a hero, stupid. Girls are so stupid sometimes. Do you have a book about you now, Commander Straker?" his tiny self said, eyes wide. "Sure I know! You're a real Commander, that's wicked good. You must have a book written about you. A whole bunch!"

"No, I'm afraid not. That wish of ours didn't quite come true. And I don't think girls are stupid, and neither do you, little fellow."

"Bye, Ed!"

"Goodbye, Ed." Ed said gently, wiping away tears he didn't quite understand, and he watched Ruthie skip off with a smaller him. "All right. I have to look harder. I have to go back, back, back before I was born."

Ed shivered, wrapped his arms around himself, and discovered he was in one of his cream Nehru suits. So safe, he thought. My job--

"No. I can't hide under the guise of the Commander either." Ed stripped down to his underwear, and then reluctantly stepped out of his boxers. Naked, he thought. Naked as the day I was born--

"Nooo--GODDD it hurts, noooo GODDD!" Rosemary gripped the bedrails and screamed all through the contraction. The surgeon grunted as if he was giving birth himself. He pushed apart her legs further.

"No, you have to push harder. I can't give you any more of the gas, Mrs. Straker. It isn't even crowning, and we've been at this for hours. With the next one, you have to push a lot harder."

"How much longer before it comes out? Damn it, Leonard, what the hell do I pay you for?" Benjamin Straker demanded.

"Now listen to me, Ben. I've kept my mouth shut about you shooting dead sperm. You let me handle this. You want a son to show off? You stay out of this. I lied to your younger brother, and we both know why this woman doesn't want this baby born, don't we?"

"I should have had an abortion, oh saints forgive me, I should have had an abortion!" Rosemary wept.

"Shut up, bitch! You wanted to be Mrs. Straker, didn't you? You wanted your fancy dresses and jewelry. You married me, not that little sick jerk. Do what he says. Push the little bastard out."

"He isn't a bastard! He has a father! And it isn't you, Ben! And it's killing you, isn't it- It isn't-oh GODDD, its starting again," she screamed. Ben spit into his surgical mask, tore it off, and left the room. Rosemary's whole body lifted off the damp mattress with the strain of pushing her unborn baby out, as she screamed as the contractions tore her up inside. When it finally stopped, the doctor examined her.

"Rosy, listen to me. No, listen to me. That kid can't take this. I know you hate Ben, I hate Ben, truth be told. I know you want Evan, but Evan made his choice. He didn't want any part of this damn family. But do you honestly want to kill this boy? Because you will. I can take my scapel and make a cut, and we can tell Ben it was stillborn. Up to you."

"NO! NO! Don't kill my boy! Don't kill my son! GODDDD---GODDDD---"

"GOOD! PUSH! I can see the head!"

"Oh merciful LORD! GOD! I can't stand it!"

The doctor used his scapel to tear her open, to make her larger, and the pain was nothing compared to the intense burning, and the unbearable agony, and the screaming. Blood spurted, and then they drew it out of her, and she gasped, as the nurse cleaned the tiny, scrawny thing off, cut the cord, and it started screaming along with her.

"Give me my baby! Give me m